My job
Sisters, I need some advice.
See, I was stuck in a miserable job when I lost Cassi. Her gift to me was that I simply could not return. I found the job that during the honeymoon phase seemed to be my dream job...well, the honeymoon is over.
I hate driving and 75% of my time is spent on the road. I like having my own money, but it isn't necessary, just nice to not have to answer for all the shoes I buy. I thought I could make a difference, but it seems most of our clients are becoming more and more dependent on us rather than fostering their own independence as it should be. I have a company credit card and they seem to always be needing things, things I have no responsibility to buy for them and they would have had to figure out before me. I am being used. Today, when I told a client I would buy her some groceries but only $50 worth. It doesn't go far and she became angry with me and said that everyone has to eat. I had to bite my tongue, I wanted to tell her everyone has to work. But she does have mental problems and gets only $100 a month in food stamps, still... very disheartening.
I had a terrible thought today, have I gotten myself "stuck" again??? I am afraid to quit...afraid to give up the few benefits I have.
Maybe it will get better. Traffic is a nightmare now in Panama City with the Spring Breakers and driving, as I said, is very stressful for me at it's best.
I want to work from home, but can't figure out how to make that happen.
Also, I have gained 20 more pounds since I started working...too much fast food, but it is all I have time for and the stress makes me crave it...I don't know, I am confused and going back and forth.
Any advice???
See, I was stuck in a miserable job when I lost Cassi. Her gift to me was that I simply could not return. I found the job that during the honeymoon phase seemed to be my dream job...well, the honeymoon is over.
I hate driving and 75% of my time is spent on the road. I like having my own money, but it isn't necessary, just nice to not have to answer for all the shoes I buy. I thought I could make a difference, but it seems most of our clients are becoming more and more dependent on us rather than fostering their own independence as it should be. I have a company credit card and they seem to always be needing things, things I have no responsibility to buy for them and they would have had to figure out before me. I am being used. Today, when I told a client I would buy her some groceries but only $50 worth. It doesn't go far and she became angry with me and said that everyone has to eat. I had to bite my tongue, I wanted to tell her everyone has to work. But she does have mental problems and gets only $100 a month in food stamps, still... very disheartening.
I had a terrible thought today, have I gotten myself "stuck" again??? I am afraid to quit...afraid to give up the few benefits I have.
Maybe it will get better. Traffic is a nightmare now in Panama City with the Spring Breakers and driving, as I said, is very stressful for me at it's best.
I want to work from home, but can't figure out how to make that happen.
Also, I have gained 20 more pounds since I started working...too much fast food, but it is all I have time for and the stress makes me crave it...I don't know, I am confused and going back and forth.
Any advice???
Replies
Well, since you don\'t \"have\" to work, and since this job and all the driving is causing frustration and stress, maybe you should consider quitting and possibly do some volunteer work somewhere. There are a lot of awesome ways we can pay it forward and help others, and animals, so I\'m sure you can find something more fulfilling and less stressful. Besides, you live in FL, all you need is a couple pair of cute flip flops and you\'re set! LOL!
Love you!!
Love to Cassi!!
As we all know, all too well, life is short. Do not spend it being miserable, Gina. There are things that you can do from home. They probably don\'t pay enough for nice shoes though..lol. I will be praying for something to fall into your lap. Enjoy life. Get away from that entitlement attitude. Lauri
If it does not bring you a sense of joy and passion I believe it is time to move on. Work is work and it\'s very difficult to do, yet if awakening to the day is bringing any kind of dread that is always my barometer that it is no longer a fit.
As the others have said there are many ways to pay it forward and your top priority right now is nurturing and taking care of yourself.
Whatever you decide may you find some peace knowing that you have most certainly been trying, showing up and that perhaps this must be shed for something else to be able to come in.
Gentle care dear Gina,
XO Joanie
Decisions!!! I understand I hate to decide what I need to do too..With what you said you don\'t have to work, my opinion you should quit work and start taking care of you and don\'t worry what about what others think I found if I worry about what others think the less I can do for my own self, and if you aren\'t taken care of YOU, You won\'t be helpful for anyone else.. I had a very hard time with learning what people thought of me and I ended up so self sick I was ready for a break down..Help yourself and it all falls into place, I help others and it helps me as well, that is what I learned and I am in a much better place... Hope this helps!! Love n Hugs to you my friend!! Kelly Ryan\'s mom
Hi Gina - it is so difficult to work some days when you do love your job so if you are miserable and having increased stress and frustration I agree with the other sisters - don\'t do it OR do it part time.....I know my tolerance or \"shit shield\" has many holes in it now and sometimes, it takes everything in me to work and I love my job.
Take good care of yourself in whatever way that might BE for you. always remembering Cassi with you. ((hugs)) vicki
I agree with the other moms. If you do not have to work, for financial reasons, why not give yourself some time to grieve, at your own pace? In the beginning, I stayed in the road, going somewhere, anywhere to escape the pain. Guess what?? It doesn\'t work!! The pain is always there. I know that you already know that. I was fortunate, in that I didn\'t have to work. I don\'t think I could have held down a job, in the first two years, after losing Dean. I could not think straight and still can\'t. I am however quite a bit older than you and just have no energy to do anything.
I think you have done remarkably well, during the first year, after losing Casi. Maybe, now it is time to pamper yourself and have quality time with your husband. Just do what your heart leads you to do.
(((HUGS))) , Julia
All the other moms have given such great advice, I have nothing to add...
just remember to take care of yourself first and foremost.
MaryLou
You have been through much pain in a short time - in fact, it\'s awesome you can do what you already do. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself some breathing room. I\'m sure you do make a difference at work but there are many other ways to make a difference that maybe would be less stressful for you. You don\'t have anything to prove - you have been through the worst pain imaginable and are still standing. You are amazing. Take care ~ Joanna x
Do what you feel is in your heart. Change is scary but you Gina, have encountered the most devastating change and come through it. My motto for many years has been to \"feel the fear and do it anyway\". It has served me well - I have done things I didn\'t think I would ever have the courage to do from going back to university in a Masters program in my 50s to zip lining over the jungle in Costa Rica - 15 lines!
As others have said, it just may be time to move on.
Love to Cassi.
Love and tight hugs,
Marlene
Hi Gina, I changed jobs after Jackson died because my old job was very unsatisfying. My new one is much better and it gives me a reason to wake up. We all need a (good) reason to wake up now. So, if you are fortunate enough not to have to work at this job, I think you need to find something else. We have so much pain in our lives from losing our children, so I hope you are able to figure out what would make that part of your life satisfying. That being said, I still have ups and downs in my new job, which I know are based on my new semi-crazy normal and mood swings. I sometimes have to talk myself down from quitting in a huff for something that would not have driven me as crazy before Jackson died. So, if you\'re pretty sure it\'s not right, quit. If it\'s just ups and downs and may go away, I\'d say hang in a bit longer and see if there are more ups than downs. Hugs, Laura
Gina, if its not working for you,then go ahead and quit. I like the suggestion of doing volunteer work. Get lost for a few hours a day in something you feel passionate about.
As far as the weight, try to make better choices but understandably, all the stress puts weight on. Try just to make good choices without putting additional pressure on yourself. Hugs, Linda
Not much else to add. I went back to work 10 days after my son died. I didn\'t know about FMLA and I also thought the distractions would be good. Not the best decision as I had to run in the bathroom and sob at least twice a day. Who knows, in hind sight, maybe staying home would have been equally as difficult. Follow your gut so to speak and take time to heal. Maybe you can take a leave of absence and go back in a couple of months. Maybe you can cut down your hours. Give yourself a time frame maybe another month and if it still doesn\'t feel right, then look for something different. Best of luck. Much love. Robin
As someone who is in a job that is causing me alot of stress but I need the income, my advice would be to quit the job. Who needs the added stress after what we\'ve been through? I would quit in a heartbeat if I could afford it. At this point in my life I am about releasing any negativity that I can. Only you can figure out what is right for you. Sue xo
Gina there are a lot of companies allowing employees to work from home now. Especially if the job is mostly phone & computer related. Sometimes all you have to do is ask. My husband works for Duke Energy & has an office downtown Cincinnati. Most of his work is phone & computer with some traveling. During bad weather last winter he worked from home. Found he actually accomplished more than being at his office with many interruptions. So he asked his boss if he could work from home everyday. He has been ever since.
Some employers allow temporary working from home in certain circumstances.
Perhaps this could work for you on a temp basis. When it\'s recognized you are just as productive at home, who knows, maybe it could be a permanent thing
Sue makes a good point about letting go things that have a negative impact on her life. I\'m actually doing that myself, it\'s not always easy & even sometimes scary, but so worth it. At this point in our life after such a huge loss we deserve calmness. I\'m so hoping you find some for yourself sweet friend, I hope we all do. Hugs of understanding ......Vicki