Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
My bf has completely flown off the deep end, to the point of snapping at me and yelling at me. I really thought i had a good one till now.....
he was in my face the other day, screaming, took the pillow i had propped behind my back and threw it at me. He leaves the house, slamming doors everytime there is a problem, then come back like everything is ok, with a totally different perspective on what happened. forgets things i say, re words things he said to the point that the origional issue isnt even addressed.
we just got done fighting now, he wouldnt stop. he calls me crazy, of course im emotional, im fucking pregnat! he was making fun of me, lying to me, saying that when he left, slammed the door on me, and spun his tires out it was because he had to go to work, and this was right after him saying he wanted to take a nap, he was mad cause i had to stretch out on the bed to get comfortable and wasnt scooting over fast enough. i didnt want to move fast cause i was nauteous. so after him hounding me i just got up and went to the living room, have the damn bed if you are going to get angry over that. so he ran out and left. then he calls, and obviously i am upset, i mean, he just left me like that. saying that he has to work to pay the bills, and that he cant just stay home with me, what the hell does that have to do with what happened?
he turns it around, making it sound like im crazy cause i dont want him to work? not even the issue. the issue is the way he talks to me. and now im on a countdown. how long do i put up with this? how much allowances should i make? i go back over the past few weeks and look at facts, im sure i could have reacted differently a few times, but enough is enough.
He has raised his hand at me, hasnt hit me, but the threat was there, im pregnat, i dont care how mad you are,
you want to raise your hand to a pregnat lady?
My friend wants me to come stay with her, says i can stay there till the baby is born, just help out what i can.
i dont know. i dont want to be a single mom.
the BF says he cant afford me right now, i told him i thought he wanted the baby, he said he did, but that was when he had 3000 in the bank account. what does that have to do with it????
he cant just put me on pause. he cant just say go away for a while and come back when i feel i can afford it.
its not like we are broke, sure, things are tight, but bills are paid, we have food, we do not struggle for rent.
He didnt want me to work in casinos, he said he would pick up slack while i am looking for other jobs.
i help where i can. I dont know what to do. im pressed to make a decision.
do i take my experiences from the past and run as fast as i can away?
or do i stick it out a little longer??? should i sacrifice all the work i have done to try to be healthy, and stay out of bad situations? or should i stay a little while? just a little to see if things get better? but then it will always be in the back of my mind what i could have to deal with?
i dont believe he is trying to be abusive honestly, i believe he is immature and young, and not the smartest peanut in the shell. i have made allowances for him, because he pursued me, was nice to me, and stuck by me through my bad times. but now what? im pregnat....... i wanted a baby after i lost my first, he was such a different person then. now??? i dont know.
he was in my face the other day, screaming, took the pillow i had propped behind my back and threw it at me. He leaves the house, slamming doors everytime there is a problem, then come back like everything is ok, with a totally different perspective on what happened. forgets things i say, re words things he said to the point that the origional issue isnt even addressed.
we just got done fighting now, he wouldnt stop. he calls me crazy, of course im emotional, im fucking pregnat! he was making fun of me, lying to me, saying that when he left, slammed the door on me, and spun his tires out it was because he had to go to work, and this was right after him saying he wanted to take a nap, he was mad cause i had to stretch out on the bed to get comfortable and wasnt scooting over fast enough. i didnt want to move fast cause i was nauteous. so after him hounding me i just got up and went to the living room, have the damn bed if you are going to get angry over that. so he ran out and left. then he calls, and obviously i am upset, i mean, he just left me like that. saying that he has to work to pay the bills, and that he cant just stay home with me, what the hell does that have to do with what happened?
he turns it around, making it sound like im crazy cause i dont want him to work? not even the issue. the issue is the way he talks to me. and now im on a countdown. how long do i put up with this? how much allowances should i make? i go back over the past few weeks and look at facts, im sure i could have reacted differently a few times, but enough is enough.
He has raised his hand at me, hasnt hit me, but the threat was there, im pregnat, i dont care how mad you are,
you want to raise your hand to a pregnat lady?
My friend wants me to come stay with her, says i can stay there till the baby is born, just help out what i can.
i dont know. i dont want to be a single mom.
the BF says he cant afford me right now, i told him i thought he wanted the baby, he said he did, but that was when he had 3000 in the bank account. what does that have to do with it????
he cant just put me on pause. he cant just say go away for a while and come back when i feel i can afford it.
its not like we are broke, sure, things are tight, but bills are paid, we have food, we do not struggle for rent.
He didnt want me to work in casinos, he said he would pick up slack while i am looking for other jobs.
i help where i can. I dont know what to do. im pressed to make a decision.
do i take my experiences from the past and run as fast as i can away?
or do i stick it out a little longer??? should i sacrifice all the work i have done to try to be healthy, and stay out of bad situations? or should i stay a little while? just a little to see if things get better? but then it will always be in the back of my mind what i could have to deal with?
i dont believe he is trying to be abusive honestly, i believe he is immature and young, and not the smartest peanut in the shell. i have made allowances for him, because he pursued me, was nice to me, and stuck by me through my bad times. but now what? im pregnat....... i wanted a baby after i lost my first, he was such a different person then. now??? i dont know.
Or, maybe you just think that's the most stupid thing you've ever heard. That's cool too. Take some quiet time to think- away from him. *hugs*
but the only answer i can say when you ask how i feel, is i feel like im just staring at the coin.
i dont want a do over, but i dont want to do any action. I think i need a job first, but i need money to get a job honestly. i have to pay for the transfer fee's for my license. im going to have to go back to casinos for now.
i cant take the pay cut. i'm going to need that money to save up as quick as possible, that way i will be prepared when the baby is born, i just have to stay away from gambling. thats why i didnt want to work in casinos, cause it gave me this awful urge to gamble, and i would lose most of what i made. it got real bad.
i made 52,000 last year, and well, i dont even have any new clothes. i have nothing. i basically paid the basics, if that sometimes, and gambled the rest. ridiculous. glad im not like that anymore. but im not around the temptations ither. oh i dont know. i am going for some quiet time this weekend. i found a nice lake in the middle of nowhere, quite a few friends are coming, we are having a HUGE bonfire under the full moon.
should be nice, wish i didnt have such morning sickness, or should i say, all day sickness.
well thanks for the support. i hope things figure themselves out soon.
well, no money to relocate, and honestly what has kept me here so long is my horses.
i been thinking about relocating though. cause things just havent been going right for a long time here.
My advice to you is to get out, and as fast as you can. If he raised his hand, it's only a matter of time and it won't be back to the good times.
Leaving was the hardest thing I ever did, because I still loved the man, but with a baby on the way...you got to go, girl! Get to the women's shelter in the area, they will take you in and give you better options...get going
i have no one to call on in person. i just sit here on this computer, waiting for i dont know what to happen
i have their numbers, i stole them, i would like to talk to them,
he says they wont talk to me and want nothing to do with me or the baby.... maybe true, maybe not. but i would like to do it with a couple witnesses, offer them oppurtunity to follow the pregnancy and recieve pictures, and serve as the third party for him, if he ever wants to know how his child is.... and if the decline and do in fact say that they want nothing to do with the baby, then i have witnesses and do not have to worry about going to custody battle later if they decide they should.
right now im broke broke.... i think i have 20 dollars, and that is in food stamps. so i understand about financial rockyness.
actually this whole thing is over money.... i believe 50-100 dollars, that was all he wanted from me to help with rent... i couldnt do that right now cause i cant work.... and he said he couldnt support me anymore and that me and the baby were on our own. its all ridiculous.....
I have 3 boys, had no job before I was divorced, and no college education. I laid in bed for 6 months crying and then picked myself up and got my real estate license and moved forward.
I understand not having money ... believe me. But I also understand this man because that's how my EX treated me. I've been in therapy for 2 years working through the addiction to being rescued by men. He isn't going to rescue you. But, you can rescue yourself. It'soooo hard to see it. To love someone and to always be looking for the bright side, making excuses for him. He makes you feel crazy! His words and actions make you doubt your own mind. It has happened to me time and time again. I walk away thinking, maybe he's right, maybe he did squeal the tires because he had to go to work, maybe my actions made him throw the pillow, maybe if I weren't so selfish it would be better. BULL! He's emotionally immature, and he knows what buttons to push. He doesn't believe for one second that you'll make a different choice to get out of the relationship. That you'll put up with whatever he dishes out because you love him.
The hardest thing I've ever done is end my relationship and stop talking to him and move on. Of course, now that I've done that, he keeps calling....wanting me back. Which screws with my head! But I'm more in control of my emotions and am starting to value myself. We have to value ourselves...put our needs first and stop believing that a man will make us complete if we just put up with enough crap.
Try to get out...be strong and move in with your BF. Make the best of it. You will get some perspective and even MAYBE teach him a lesson.
They always want what they can't have. Only be strong enough to demand what you NEED if you talk to him again...you have to get to a place of strenght within yourself. You can make it. I'm moving forward and it's tough, but you can make it!
i made him say, in front of his superiors that were listening in on the phone call, that he did not want me and the baby... ither one of us. he asked if i was happy now... i said no but at least he wasnt filling the room with lies of how he just cant do it anymore, how he has tried, how he cant afford it, yadda yadda.
there is a protection order against him.... he cannot get his stuff without me standing by...
i dont want to see him, whether there is a cop there or not.... i fall apart when i see him...
i want to beg on my knees that he dont abandon me and the baby.
i dont want to feel that way any more..... so i dont want to see him... i will do whatever i can to not see him...
i dont care if i have to get a no contact order in civil court. he is not allowed to talk to me as is without his superiors around....
im so angry.. he is such a liar
this just might be his real self coming out....be careful , please.
deb
its hard. i still miss him, or maybe its just the company, cause when you are pregnant you want someone to hold you, be intimate with you. this is my first baby. i have no one to do any of these things. and it makes me sad cause i am extremely emotional right now. i hate sleeping alone... every night with out fail, i get dreams about him. EVERY NIGHT. my brain wont let me go. sheesh.
thanks....