Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I have been dating someone for six months, I have posted in here before about him as he remains over-involved with his ex, I have been feeling insecure and although things got better over a couple of months not long ago, he referred to his ex as 'my missis', he said it accidentally but it really hurt me, I started shouting and crying, I was out of control, he said that the wrong word came out and that its me who he wants.
I forgave him but i cannot forget about what he said, also he has done things which make me feel that I am not his priority, i feel hurt as I am very focused on him. For instance, last week I was ill, he knew about it and yet he didnt text or call to check how I was feeling. It may sound petty but things like this happen all the time and make me miserable. I remember feeling happier before I started dating him.
I dont know what to do as I do not want to continue feeling insecure and anxious, however, I also think that maybe its me the one with the problem and I am just unable to have healthy relationships. He has started smoking marijuana a lot more and seems involved in his internal thoughts, even when we are together, at times it is hard to make conversation as he is like in deep thought. He often forgets what I have said to him as If what I have to say it is not interesting or important enough.
I want to be happy and be happy for my children, but, maybe I am going to find faults in any relationship I may go into. :(
I forgave him but i cannot forget about what he said, also he has done things which make me feel that I am not his priority, i feel hurt as I am very focused on him. For instance, last week I was ill, he knew about it and yet he didnt text or call to check how I was feeling. It may sound petty but things like this happen all the time and make me miserable. I remember feeling happier before I started dating him.
I dont know what to do as I do not want to continue feeling insecure and anxious, however, I also think that maybe its me the one with the problem and I am just unable to have healthy relationships. He has started smoking marijuana a lot more and seems involved in his internal thoughts, even when we are together, at times it is hard to make conversation as he is like in deep thought. He often forgets what I have said to him as If what I have to say it is not interesting or important enough.
I want to be happy and be happy for my children, but, maybe I am going to find faults in any relationship I may go into. :(
I think as children we try to find ways 'round' our parents' moods and behaviours to cope, the denial my mother was in I think was as bad as my father being so emotionally neglectful. My mother made his behaviour 'normal' when really it wasn't! I hope you find some answers, looking within ourselves is the only way forward, trying to avoid the old behaviours is so hard though.
Well, the update with the relationship is that he continued to blow hot and cold, I had enough so for the second time last night I told him that it was time to end the relationship. He told me that he is not in a position to have a serious relationship at the moment and that he doesn't 'feel' enough for me. I could not believe what he was saying, after all this time he is just now telling me this! He's had chances to let me go but all he did was reassure me that he wanted me and said that 'we had potential' !
All along I was right in feeling that things were not ok, my instinct were right! Which gives me comfort, I am not crazy or paranoid or needy! I just knew this man's actions did not match his words and as I have said before due to my father's change in moods I find that difficult to cope with.
It hurts knowing that he doesn't love me, I know that it is not a reflection of my worth but I still feel sad and disappointed.
Thanks all of you for your comments xx
What a weirdo, the hot and cold thing freaks me out too, all I want is consistency and peace. To feel safe and sure. Im sure you have made a great start on reading up on things.
hugs
xxx