Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
we broke up. i broke up. i kept wanting him to show some emotion, break down, dont leave me, anything.
when i broke up with him i didnt know how i would feel, only that i needed something to change because i wasnt happy. i was so sad on monday, i lost my composure at work, i left early crying my eyes out. i didnt want to go home, because i was confused and hurt. i went out with a couple friends, had a couple drinks. played slots. had a good time. and i slept with one of my friends. i did it to see where i stood, and what i was feeling.
i dont regret it. because now i know. many many times in my life, i have felt abandoned, alone, horrible darkness ripping through me. and im nearly paralyzed now. i cant think, i cant do anything, i can only feel.
this horrible feeling i cannot explain, this loss, this aloneness. this pain. i cannot lie. i have an inability to lie to people i care about. and he asked, and i told. he blew up. it was the first time since this all started that i saw him show emotions. that i saw him really care about something. he left. he says he can never trust me again. i didnt cheat on him. i didnt. i would NEVER. it wasnt a planned thing. it just happened. and in the end i was ok with my decision because i knew why i did it. and now i know where i stand.
this pain im feeling, shouldnt be like this if i really wanted to leave him. sure, i should be sad, but im hardly functional. im hardly breathing, i feel hardly alive. i feel nothingness. The only man who has ever loved me is gone. i feel like its all my fault. that i just couldnt be happy with anyone. that i never will be. that i blew things out of porportion. but he hates me now, and says there is no chance now. Whats so bad about settling? isnt there a point in your life when you have to decide whats important to you? between what you want and need.
what i want is, someone who has a passion for me, who loves me and knows my heart. who does little cute things for me to show they care. what i have is a kind man, who loves me and my daughter. does the condition of the house really matter? he's there for me. was there for me. im alone now. alone alone alone.
i never thought i would feel this way... i never thought it would hurt THIS much... when my ex left me i was floored like this... but this, its all my fault. i should have found another way to work through it other than breaking up with him. im not angry at myself for sleepign with someone, i felt i needed a change and i set a change in motion. i dont like where its changing too. if the decision was right to break up, i shouldnt be feeling like this.
when i broke up with him i didnt know how i would feel, only that i needed something to change because i wasnt happy. i was so sad on monday, i lost my composure at work, i left early crying my eyes out. i didnt want to go home, because i was confused and hurt. i went out with a couple friends, had a couple drinks. played slots. had a good time. and i slept with one of my friends. i did it to see where i stood, and what i was feeling.
i dont regret it. because now i know. many many times in my life, i have felt abandoned, alone, horrible darkness ripping through me. and im nearly paralyzed now. i cant think, i cant do anything, i can only feel.
this horrible feeling i cannot explain, this loss, this aloneness. this pain. i cannot lie. i have an inability to lie to people i care about. and he asked, and i told. he blew up. it was the first time since this all started that i saw him show emotions. that i saw him really care about something. he left. he says he can never trust me again. i didnt cheat on him. i didnt. i would NEVER. it wasnt a planned thing. it just happened. and in the end i was ok with my decision because i knew why i did it. and now i know where i stand.
this pain im feeling, shouldnt be like this if i really wanted to leave him. sure, i should be sad, but im hardly functional. im hardly breathing, i feel hardly alive. i feel nothingness. The only man who has ever loved me is gone. i feel like its all my fault. that i just couldnt be happy with anyone. that i never will be. that i blew things out of porportion. but he hates me now, and says there is no chance now. Whats so bad about settling? isnt there a point in your life when you have to decide whats important to you? between what you want and need.
what i want is, someone who has a passion for me, who loves me and knows my heart. who does little cute things for me to show they care. what i have is a kind man, who loves me and my daughter. does the condition of the house really matter? he's there for me. was there for me. im alone now. alone alone alone.
i never thought i would feel this way... i never thought it would hurt THIS much... when my ex left me i was floored like this... but this, its all my fault. i should have found another way to work through it other than breaking up with him. im not angry at myself for sleepign with someone, i felt i needed a change and i set a change in motion. i dont like where its changing too. if the decision was right to break up, i shouldnt be feeling like this.
Whether you stay with him or not, completely is your decision, again you know in your heart what is best. The fact that you have been able to sustain a relationship with a nice man speaks volumes about how far you have come since you started the healing process. So to me you are not permanently screwed up as you have shown by actions to have been capable of massive positive changes for yourself. Sending you all my best wishes, please hang in there.
or doubt. but he talked to me today. i know he is angry, i hope he can get past that, i hope i can help him past that. im still going to counseling. i never made that appt for him. i had hope he would go, and that it would help us, but i never made it for that reason. i made it for me. i was/am falling off the edge... and i wasnt looking up, i was looking down into that abyss... nearly ready to let go. thank you to everyone that carried me through this. and i have found i have many more friends than i thought i did, and people who genuinely care about me. with my loss of my love, i found i am loved more than i thought. I hated listening to myself, it was annoying and pathetic. it still is, i could give into tears and a breakdown any moment. but they listened to me repeat myself, over and over, and cry over and over... and ask stupid questions about it. i wish i hadnt been so messed up as a kid. i wish i couldve known i cared for him the way i did, and know how to show it. i really thought i might die. i did. i didnt trust myself at moments. and the phrase came to me, say what you want to say, and tell those who you love that you love them every day, cause you never know what tomarrow is, or if they will be gone. I think he will come back, sometime. i hope.
ill try to keep myself from bottling back up....