Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
we broke up. i broke up. i kept wanting him to show some emotion, break down, dont leave me, anything.
when i broke up with him i didnt know how i would feel, only that i needed something to change because i wasnt happy. i was so sad on monday, i lost my composure at work, i left early crying my eyes out. i didnt want to go home, because i was confused and hurt. i went out with a couple friends, had a couple drinks. played slots. had a good time. and i slept with one of my friends. i did it to see where i stood, and what i was feeling.
i dont regret it. because now i know. many many times in my life, i have felt abandoned, alone, horrible darkness ripping through me. and im nearly paralyzed now. i cant think, i cant do anything, i can only feel.
this horrible feeling i cannot explain, this loss, this aloneness. this pain. i cannot lie. i have an inability to lie to people i care about. and he asked, and i told. he blew up. it was the first time since this all started that i saw him show emotions. that i saw him really care about something. he left. he says he can never trust me again. i didnt cheat on him. i didnt. i would NEVER. it wasnt a planned thing. it just happened. and in the end i was ok with my decision because i knew why i did it. and now i know where i stand.
this pain im feeling, shouldnt be like this if i really wanted to leave him. sure, i should be sad, but im hardly functional. im hardly breathing, i feel hardly alive. i feel nothingness. The only man who has ever loved me is gone. i feel like its all my fault. that i just couldnt be happy with anyone. that i never will be. that i blew things out of porportion. but he hates me now, and says there is no chance now. Whats so bad about settling? isnt there a point in your life when you have to decide whats important to you? between what you want and need.
what i want is, someone who has a passion for me, who loves me and knows my heart. who does little cute things for me to show they care. what i have is a kind man, who loves me and my daughter. does the condition of the house really matter? he's there for me. was there for me. im alone now. alone alone alone.
i never thought i would feel this way... i never thought it would hurt THIS much... when my ex left me i was floored like this... but this, its all my fault. i should have found another way to work through it other than breaking up with him. im not angry at myself for sleepign with someone, i felt i needed a change and i set a change in motion. i dont like where its changing too. if the decision was right to break up, i shouldnt be feeling like this.
when i broke up with him i didnt know how i would feel, only that i needed something to change because i wasnt happy. i was so sad on monday, i lost my composure at work, i left early crying my eyes out. i didnt want to go home, because i was confused and hurt. i went out with a couple friends, had a couple drinks. played slots. had a good time. and i slept with one of my friends. i did it to see where i stood, and what i was feeling.
i dont regret it. because now i know. many many times in my life, i have felt abandoned, alone, horrible darkness ripping through me. and im nearly paralyzed now. i cant think, i cant do anything, i can only feel.
this horrible feeling i cannot explain, this loss, this aloneness. this pain. i cannot lie. i have an inability to lie to people i care about. and he asked, and i told. he blew up. it was the first time since this all started that i saw him show emotions. that i saw him really care about something. he left. he says he can never trust me again. i didnt cheat on him. i didnt. i would NEVER. it wasnt a planned thing. it just happened. and in the end i was ok with my decision because i knew why i did it. and now i know where i stand.
this pain im feeling, shouldnt be like this if i really wanted to leave him. sure, i should be sad, but im hardly functional. im hardly breathing, i feel hardly alive. i feel nothingness. The only man who has ever loved me is gone. i feel like its all my fault. that i just couldnt be happy with anyone. that i never will be. that i blew things out of porportion. but he hates me now, and says there is no chance now. Whats so bad about settling? isnt there a point in your life when you have to decide whats important to you? between what you want and need.
what i want is, someone who has a passion for me, who loves me and knows my heart. who does little cute things for me to show they care. what i have is a kind man, who loves me and my daughter. does the condition of the house really matter? he's there for me. was there for me. im alone now. alone alone alone.
i never thought i would feel this way... i never thought it would hurt THIS much... when my ex left me i was floored like this... but this, its all my fault. i should have found another way to work through it other than breaking up with him. im not angry at myself for sleepign with someone, i felt i needed a change and i set a change in motion. i dont like where its changing too. if the decision was right to break up, i shouldnt be feeling like this.
Pray, pray and pray some more. Ask God to fill that empty place . only you and He can do it. That little girl in you needs held, she needs nurtured, she needs loved . . and you have to do that. That pain that is engulfing you is her, that little girl in you.
I envy austin, that he has the ability to just be laid back and enjoy a moment. but it was also part of our downfall.
im so hurt. i dont even know why im sitting here, why im typing. nothing helps. nothign ends it.
I get why you slept with your friend, but I also do see how your guy could be very hurt by this. Its very very hard, when someone sleeps with someone else to be ok with it, even if u guys are definitely friends and its not technically cheating. I don't know what will happen from here, but he seems like a good guy, it may be possible to still work things out once he also has calmed down a little from the info.
Definitely, be easy on yourself, if you need to just lie there and cry it all out, DO IT. Then once the fog lifts (however long it takes, days), I'm sure you will have a better perspective. Was it really right to break up or not? I don't know, only you can know. But now that you have, you will have a more serious idea of what losing him could be like and if it is really what you want. Again though, i think the realization will not come while you're feeling so down. Hugs to you xxxxxxxxxx
But we're here. Willing to listen.
But trust me, these feelings of abandonment, the emptiness blowing through your soul, thinking you don't belong or don't fit in (which are feelings I've often had) don't necessarily mean you were meant to be with this guy. I, too, always got them when he'd break off with me. But once we got back again, the horrible pain would go but then there would just be this deadening unhappiness. It's completely normal to fall apart when we first have a loss. For example, a friend of mine, who had been divorced for 5 years and wanted absoutely nothing to do with her ex, fell apart for several weeks when she heard he was marrying again and had a child (which he'd never wanted when with her). Again, she didn't want any part of him but the fact of him moving on devastated her temporarily.
Just take the time you need to recover from this knockout punch and do what you have to in order to get through these long days. I don't know you but all my love!!!!!
I have a lifetime of abandonment issues to deal with, a trail of destructive and damaging relationships behind me. I have always felt I think so very differently to how 'normal' adults are supposed to thinks and process and deal with the world!!! I must have read every self help and spiritual book ever written! But I now sadly know that I have to look inside myself with Gods help to fill that emptiness and comfort that lost and stuck little girl inside me. My heart is breaking because if was whole I wouldnt have contributed to my husband leaving me, but I know his own addictions played an equal part. I am praying that we can be reunited in the love we have for each other. I am like you in that apart from for my kids I cannot see the point in this excrutiatingly painful and lonley life of struggling to pay bills, finding jobs and having to start over and over again. I have never loved myself and am terrified about my future right now. I am going to al anon and really recommend that you try it , maybe you have already? I think at the first meeting I realised I am not alone in my sadness and chaos and confusion, and that for the first time in my life I met people just like me! They have co dependency and abandonment issues, broken relationships with abusive partners, loss of soul and of heart and are bewildered as to how they are where they are. The women here are amazing, some may be angels I am sure of it, I am sending you hugs too Dracona, you started this forum to hep others and that makes you very special God bless you , 2 Butterfly (((((((((( ))))))))))
why cant i stop. why cant i take a breath and stop? wow.this is insane. incredibly insane. i feel im losing it.
im afraid i wont be able to function as a good mommy right now. all i can do is stare at this computer screen and type, i dont even know what i am saying, my fingers are just moving. i read it later i think.
I tap out of trances . . even though I am in this trance, I completely love and accept myself . . . through it until I'm tapping, it is OK to come out of this trance . . it is safe to wake up . . etc.