I hear you, hang in there, it unfortunately takes time.. Time and patience. Just have faith that this too shall pass.

Sending you feel good viibes

Thank you bubbles. I really appreciate it.

it's okay to have depression with grieving. it' so painful. see if you can just stay with it, a day at a time. if you do it will pass.....

it seems like you are seeking comfort with the muffins. that's okay for now. if you can find other ways to comfort yourself that would be great however really suggest you try hard to not beat up opn yourself for it right now. you need comfort....validate that. it makes perfect sense to me that you are doing what feels good right now even though nothing really does and negative things are temporary.

we're here for you..

Thanks, finn.

Hi Diana, Sounds like you are feeling ungrounded. You might want to try going outside and walking in bare feet and eating something that is high in protein. A hot shower also helps if you can visualise all those sad feelings washing away...Be extra kind and gentle with yourself and try to give yourself a bit of the love you have given him all this time. Lots of love and hugs..

Hi there,

My thoughts are with you. Hang in there. Please remember 'this too shall pass'. Give yourself all the time you need to feel shitty and eat muffins and do whatever it is you need to do to release your depressive emotions. Holding it in is not good. Life just fucking sucks sometimes a lot. But again, it will pass. Sending you big hugs X

(((((Hugs))))))), sending positive vibes your way <3

xoxo Thanks, guys.

After my relationship ended I watched Dexter on Netflix day and night for about two weeks. It was about 90 something shows or maybe it just seemed like that many. It wasn't the best use of my time but it helped me get over the hump until I was strong enough to face the truth of what was going on in my life. Give yourself permission to fall out, to not be okay, and then you will notice that you need the muffins less and less. One of the things that has helped me it to follow my bliss. For now what ever makes me feel comfortable or peaceful is what I do. Sometimes I listen to inspirational video on you tube all day long. I love reading to my son so I do that every night. I work out because I love how strong it makes me feel. I stopped doing what I "should" be doing and starting following the things that "felt good."

When I started doing it the feeling of feeling good was so strange to me at first that I was not sure what was going on. I could hardly explain it. Now I know that I was following a feeling and not a thought. I know part of you will say nothing makes me feel good but that is a thought. Pay attention to what you feel like doing and then do it. I believe that we are never without access to higher consciousness and if we allow it-it will lead us step by step out of the darkness.

Thanks, Izzy. I'll try. I feel so disorganized right now.

I don't really understand what's happening, I even feel suicidal feelings right now. I keep getting these thoughts, "No one loves you" and feelings like I'm dying. I've been feeling so much stronger lately, I don't understand why this is happening all of a sudden. Maybe it really is partly the absence of him and the lack of adrenalin.

I'm also getting some breathing problems and squeezing in my lungs again when that had gone away. I feel like I'm having a relapse - I used to experience this a lot and then it stopped. I'm still withdrawing off some psyche meds, too. One of them is really getting down there. I should be done with it in a month's time. Maybe that's part of what's happening. I just don't know. I'm up early, too. Been waking up around 2 every morning and then going back to sleep around 5:30 for a little while.

Maybe it's the methyl b12? At first it gave me so much energy. That doesn't seem to be happening anymore. I also have been experimenting with adding methyl folate and folinic acid. They didn't work out too well, though, so I stopped them yesterday. I just wish I understood what was going on.

I also went to the domestic violence program to a counseling session yesterday. I wanted to try it because they offer free counseling and are supposed to be experts in domestic violence. Well, I don't like it down there.

There was like 5 women b.s.ing at the front desk and they all stopped and stared at me together when I came in. How can they not realize this could make people coming in for help uncomfortable? I like my regular counseling place much better, they are so much nicer down there. It's creepy at DV.

Now that I think of it, I'm angry at the way the director counseling handled it. She told me that she would be doing my intake and then we could decide together if I was okay being assigned to one of her students. Then when I came in, she said "This is ____, she is a student and going to sit in on the intake, if that's all right." Then I said, no, I wasn't comfortable with it and she said, "Well, she is going to be your counselor."

Well, she changed what she told me on the phone without warning and then just expected me to be okay with it. When I said something, her response was just to repeat herself, "Well, she's going to be your counselor." I felt disrespected and also like I couldn't trust her. I felt the same gross feeling I've experienced at most of the public counseling agencies around here where you're treated like a "patient" and not a person.

Wtf! You'd think that dealing with domestic violence and women who have these abusive men making all their decisions for them would understand that it's not a good idea. Yeah, I'm not going back. It also sounded like those women at the desk, some of whom worked there and some of whom were interns, talking about clients while I was in the waiting room...someone saying, "Yeah you have to set your boundaries with (clients?). ______ (sounded like someone she was working with) She said blah, blah, blah and I was like blah, blah, blah" all show off and gossipy in front of people! Wtf!

You know what? Writing about it now, I can feel that part of my depression and feelings of hopelessness came from suppressed anger from that encounter. I'm cancelling it.

It just shows me that I was right the first time about them. It's sad, though. That's the official YWCA domestic violence program for our town. And it really does suck down there. It's SO much harder to get decent help when you don't have any money, which seems to just be getting worse. Thank God I have a good place to right now for counseling. I'm going keep trying to focus on that and not add anything else for the time being.

I'm so agitated! >( It's 4:00 in the morning.

Took a shower with lavender oil and had a shot of vodka. Not the healthiest coping (the vodka) but I really felt like I was about to lose it. I think I'm going to have to stop my taper (it's something I take for anxiety.) I'm getting too agitated.

I worked at a shelter for DV and it can at times be a mad house. Imagine that you have counselors and advocates who really don't understand trying to help and support women who are in a tremendous amount of pain and are scared to death. What you felt was pain, fear, and confusion. I am sorry that you wont get the benefit of talking to women who can relate to you in regards to DV. But trust your gut and if it is a no then it is a no. I used to have students sit in when I did intakes and when I think about how disrespectful that was- I want to cringe.

in the middle of this you are trying to taper off anxiety meds??? oy.

it seems to me as an addict and alcoholic in recovery that taking medically supervised anxiety meds for severe anxiety is better than taking shots??????

just curious about that... what is behind your decision to stop or taper right now?? have i missed that in other posts??

when were' grieving and healing we need extra sleep and extra gentle loving care and comfort..... if that includes taking prescriptions right now would that be bad?? it's just a snap shot in time. you won't always feel this anxious if you keep working on it.

have we talked about PTSD?? i feel like i'm missing your history... going to look now.