Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Hi all i thought this would be an interesting question to get some feedback on as because this has been so hard on me like all of us trying to heal and move forward from these men i suddenly have a fear of what happens if he breaks up with his current squeeze who he took overseas and decides to contact me or the other woman alongside me that he left behind. Im filled with such fear at the thought that i could still be so weak to him because i dont know if i could bear the grief of starting the healing again and im still not able to trust my feelings.Do they try to come back 6months 12 m whatever later?I would be interested to hear others thoughts or stories of this happening.Hugs to you all. Xo
The Post Stage: A time period extending after the formal end of the relationship with her or with others. Those that the psychopath has
broken up with are never off the speed dial and never out of the
Relationship Circle even if he has not contacted them in years! Women in
current relationships who find out about his affairs often feel that if he
says he has stopped fooling around than he has stopped contact with
others. While he may take a hiatus to try to win back one of the womens
loyalty, no one ever really leaves a psychopaths life.
Women have said they have heard from him out of the blue 6 months, 10 years LATER after the break up. He calls as if nothing has happened, says she popped into his mind and he wanted to check on her to tell her how much he always cared for her. Given both his boredom and excitement seeking, women must know that they, nor any other lover, ever really flies off his radar for long.
After 17 months of zero contact (I keep xn blocked from both my phone and email), plus I no longer work in the same job or live in the same house, and I get a friend request from him on Facebook.
I had to laugh at his feeble attempts for supply. I thought back to the break up. How devastated I was. I had never been in such a great deal of pain. The relationship we had was short (8 months) but intense until I caught him emailing other women from my computer and I told him to leave.
He picked up his clothes and things and walked out the door. I never heard another word from him. Not a phone call, text or email. Those first couple of months were excruciating. I had never been in such a great deal of pain in my life. I had never heard the words No Contact or NPD, but I knew I would NOT contact him first. I felt like he owed me a huge apology. Sometimes my intense level of stubbornness is helpful. In this case, it was life saving.
If you are in an extreme amount of pain several months after a relationship ends, and can not stop the intrusive thoughts about them, then 99% of the time you were in a relationship with a pathological, personality disordered individual. Break-ups are never fun, especially if you were not the one wanting to break up, but only pathological relationships leave you utterly devastated, confused and wondering if you were run over by some sort of train.
My friend saw that I had written that he initiated contact, and of course, it was a FB request and not a marriage proposal and asked me for details. Details? What details? I ignored it and blocked him from FB as well.
This is what I wrote her: You are aware of the deep, deep amount of pain that I was left in after that relationship ended. It has affected me like none other, including the end of my marriage. There are no details to his request. It it seems to me that anyone that would even exchange an email with someone so hurtful is missing a vital piece of self protection inside of them.
Some sort of protective mechanism is slightly off that we would be willing to give them even an ounce of time or as much as a reply to an email. Any reply is supply. Any contact is an opportunity for them to inflict hurt and pain. I am at 1,000% threshold of accepting pain from this creature. I have ZERO tolerance left for accepting pain from him. That is who I WAS, not who I am.
Look at what he put me through. Why would I give him an opportunity for any contact at all? There is no one is here to protect me; therefore I have to protect myself.
He has proven him self to be a sick, disordered, calculating, using, non-empathetic sex addict. Why would I want to exchange even an email with a person like that? There is not reason for that. ZERO reason. I am sure he has tried to contact me and call me, but as you know I keep him blocked. I deleted that friend request so fast it made my head spin and then I listened to Jar of Hearts about 12 times on my ipod and asked him (inside my head): Who do you think you are?
There was only 1 reason for that friend request. He just got back from his summer abroad and probably blew up his last relationship like he did our relationship and is looking for new supply and wants to know if I am an option. I was so good to him. You can't even imagine how well I treated him, so he was probably looking for a rehash OR he is still with latest victim and wanted to make sure I was aware of their grand love to see if there was any possibility of inflicting further hurt on my heart.
Well the only way for him to hurt me again, is if I allow him near me. Other wise all the damage is in the past.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Allowing contact with him would mean that I am romanticizing the relationship or thinking of the wonderful sexual chemistry between us. Pathological have an intensity that few others provide. But those few good moments are not remotely worth the heartache and utter devastation that this relationship cost me.
So that is it. Start and end of it.
I thought of this exert:
The Con Artist by Kathy K
From page 262 of Escape Abuse:
http://www.escapeabuse.com/npd.pdf />
Narcissist abuse for the power rush they get from vaunting themselves on others. It is their strongest support for the grandiose delusions. They can t get enough of this pain killing drug. The maximum high of course is absolute power which is absolute control.
Absolute power is the total conquest of another person's will. Your will, not theirs, controls him or her. In other words, the victim becomes an executioner of your will, like a hand or a foot of yours. It is akin to the mythical notion of possession of another by a demonic spirit.
There is but one way to demonstrate absolute power, break a person so utterly that he delivers himself up entirely for you to abuse as to suffer maximum impact for your pleasure.
For anyone, that you can make offer themselves to be your punching bag, and in a way that maximizes your enjoyment by maximizing their suffering, anyone you have that much control over, you own and you have absolute power over, because that person no longer has a will of their own.
He has been degraded to nothing and ceased to exist as a person. You possess him. He is an object that exists for your sake.
I am done being his emotional punching bag.
No I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I would have missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are
After 17 months of zero contact (I keep xn blocked from both my phone and email), plus I no longer work in the same job or live in the same house, and I get a friend request from him on Facebook, along with a message that read: Are you STILL mad at me? I was in YOUR TOWN a few days and I thought about when we used to see each other. I hope you are well.
I had to laugh at his feeble attempts for supply. I thought back to the break up. How devastated I was. I had never been in such a great deal of pain. The relationship we had was short (8 months) but intense until I caught him emailing other women from my computer and I told him to leave.
He picked up his clothes and things and walked out the door. I never heard another word from him. Not a phone call, text or email. Those first couple of months were excruciating. I had never been in such a great deal of pain in my life. I had never heard the words No Contact or NPD, but I knew I would NOT contact him first. I felt like he owed me a huge apology. Sometimes my intense level of stubbornness is helpful. In this case, it was life saving.
If you are in an extreme amount of pain several months after a relationship ends, and can not stop the intrusive thoughts about them, then 99% of the time you were in a relationship with a pathological, personality disordered individual. Break-ups are never fun, especially if you were not the one wanting to break up, but only pathological relationships leave you utterly devastated, confused and wondering if you were run over by some sort of train.
My friend saw that I had written that he initiated contact, and of course, it was a FB request and not a marriage proposal and asked me for details. Details? What details? I ignored it and blocked him from FB as well.
This is what I wrote her: You are aware of the deep, deep amount of pain that I was left in after that relationship ended. It has affected me like none other, including the end of my marriage. There are no details to his request. It it seems to me that anyone that would even exchange an email with someone so hurtful is missing a vital piece of self protection inside of them.
Some sort of protective mechanism is slightly off that we would be willing to give them even an ounce of time or as much as a reply to an email. Any reply is supply. Any contact is an opportunity for them to inflict hurt and pain. I am at 1,000% threshold of accepting pain from this creature. I have ZERO tolerance left for accepting pain from him. That is who I WAS, not who I am.
Look at what he put me through. Why would I give him an opportunity for any contact at all? There is no one is here to protect me; therefore I have to protect myself.
He has proven him self to be a sick, disordered, calculating, using, non-empathetic sex addict. Why would I want to exchange even an email with a person like that? There is not reason for that. ZERO reason. I am sure he has tried to contact me and call me, but as you know I keep him blocked. I deleted that friend request so fast it made my head spin and then I listened to Jar of Hearts about 12 times on my ipod and asked him (inside my head): Who do you think you are?
There was only 1 reason for that friend request. He just got back from his summer abroad and probably blew up his last relationship like he did our relationship and is looking for new supply and wants to know if I am an option. I was so good to him. You can't even imagine how well I treated him, so he was probably looking for a rehash OR he is still with latest victim and wanted to make sure I was aware of their grand love to see if there was any possibility of inflicting further hurt on my heart.
Well the only way for him to hurt me again, is if I allow him near me. Other wise all the damage is in the past.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Allowing contact with him would mean that I am romanticizing the relationship or thinking of the wonderful sexual chemistry between us. Pathological have an intensity that few others provide. But those few good moments are not remotely worth the heartache and utter devastation that this relationship cost me.
So that is it. Start and end of it.
When you dismissed your N and never contacted him, he experienced a narcissist injury. If you read about Ns, you would find out that those types are revengeful and they ALWAYS need to prove to themselves that they have power and control.
The same way as you yearning for love and soulmate, Narcissist yearns for power and control. The Narcissist hates relationships and bonds that connect people in them.
Your N was in contact with you for this reason. He wanted to reel you back in so he could discard of you on his own terms.
Now that, ladies, is someone that UNDERSTANDS pathology.
Do what ever you need to do to protect yourself. This is a battle you can not afford to lose.
Yesterday was his college graduation. I felt a little sad that I wasn't there. I supported him through most of school. So it hurts a little that I could not share in such an important event. Then reality sets in. He was a royal ass to me. He used me. He destroyed my life at the time. He deserves no compassion from me. I feel sorry for his next victim.
Its been 4 months NC.