can you really handle the rejection if he doesnt call after sex when he says he will? to find out you really were just a one night stand? i would feel horribly rejected and discarded. like thats all im worth. and now, knowing for a fact that most the men i attract cheat... would anyone wanna take the risk of an std? lets face it, they arent the safest people we attract.

Yes, one night stands are difficult. Rejection is horrible for me. I wanted to go out for an evening with this guy I know and while I said it would be nothing, I know it would be for me. I obsess over this man and I've never even slept with him! He totally blows me off anyway, but I'm kind of glad because I don't want to get hurt. The thing you said about making breakfast the next morning is EXACTLY what I do!!! WOW!

I use sex as a performance to get control over men ..... I'm sexy not sensual ... I know the book talks about that .... I use sex as a way of stopping getting emotionally involved with anyone and I can and do sleep with someone with no emotIons and not bother calling him again .... I want to see sex in a healthy way but I do it to avoid anyone getting to know me properly x

I, point blank, would not put myself in a situation where there is physical intimacy with out true intimacy or emotion. Never have, and I most likely never will. Sex doesn't turn into love. It's a physical primal act. Don't put your self in that situation before you have respect and emotional stability before hand, from him. Easier said that done, I know.

I've always been kind of idealistic in that sense. My XN was the only man I had ever been with, I was young and a late bloomer (almost 20) and he was the loving carying gentle older guy (28) ha! I didn't have sex with him even until almost a year and some change after serious dating, until i knew my feelings and that my emotions were love. And quite honestly, since the last time I had sex which was with the N, over a year ago, he pretty much raped me, verbally lashed me, watched me beg and then threw me out on the street....i have felt NOTHING between my legs. And I don't even want to because it would make me thing of him oddly if i were to get any satisfaction at all. I will probably never have sex again and i really don't even care anymore. which is highly odd for me to say because i became a very sexual being. but he really killed everything, heart, spirit, and libido.

And the whole breakfast thing???? I don't even like staying over with a man ... On the rare occasion someone stays over he's kicked out first thing .... Unless I'm actually having a relationship with him (exs 1 2 and 3) and even then I try and do a runner but will repeatedly tx him the next day

See ???? My probs are odd ones .... I chase but I'm emotionally detached ...... I never ever tell men I love them either ..... Ever!!!

X

For some reason, I love breakfast and even when Im alone I still make my own breakfast. I made several breakfast for the xn and he loved it. My grandmother told me that we could get a man for our cooking abilites. Im not great at cooking but I can make great breakfast so, maybe without knowing I wanted to catch the ex by making him a great breakfast. He often shouted at me when i couldnt make vegetarian dinner or lunch for him though...such a jerk!. I think I wouldnt make breakfast for a stranger though.

I also used sex to get him, but it didnt work. He had a tiny thing and was quite sensible about his bits.

On the other hand, I think that when he left me I felt so sad to know that I would never ever sleep with him again. He gave me wonderful sex despite of having a tiny thing. I know now that sex is not enough in a relationship. There is a lot more then sex...and I think hopeless is right. Sex does not turn into love.

From now on, Im not having any kind of intercourse and I just dont have desires. No libido at all now!

hopeless, i felt like that for a long time. in a way im still like that even though im in a relationship. alot of us lose our libido and emotions like that. its like ive been through every stage sometimes, and just keep loopy loopin between them. ive been where niohaxx is too, where i didnt even like the guy i was with, but it would drive me nuts if he didnt call or answer my calls. and i chased him and stayed with him. i attatch even when i dont want to be with them.
basically when i wrote this, i got to thinking about something someone wrote in another post. about wondering if they could handle a one night stand.
ive used sex to control, and ive used sex to break free... im not a cheater, i cant forgive myself for that...
i cheated on an xn... so that i couldnt go back for personal moral reasons.
with me it was nearly anyone who gave me attention. when i was a teenager, i actually felt guilty for saying NO to anyone who asked me out. and it was extremely easy to guilt me into sex, even if i didnt want to really. and they knew that, and easily fed on it. all someone had to do was keep pushing and i would give in nearly. i hate that past, that part of me. every once in a while it tries to come back. that please everyone mode. and i forget to be myself.

I do the same thing, Dracona. I think about having sex with no strings attached, but then I think about the aftermath and I don't do it. But that is new for me. I used to have sex, and THEN try to get him to love me. Now, I do the opposite and I've been handling it very well...learning to say no. It's actually incredibly liberating. And I don't just require that they "say" they love me or that they "tell" me all the things they are going to do for me. I now make them prove it first. I honestly think I will date someone for 3-6 months now before I will have sex with them.

I was watching "The Millionaire Matchmaker" on TV yesterday and she said never have sex before you are in a monogamous relationship. This was a real eye opener for me. Maybe that is what is wrong (partially) with all my relationships. I love sex. I have sex after several dates if I really like the guy. So I am not supposed to do this? I am confused.

I haven't been sexually active in over 9years. I can't handle it without a committment. Now that Im reaching my 40's it's like I want to be with someone but Im scared.

a good friend of mine was abstinant for over 7 years. she was very scared after her marriage. she didnt date. she just couldnt. one day she met someone, and she said when she finally let him kiss her, the walls just went away. she realized her fear was invalid because she had all the strength and tools to protect herself. i dont think that there is a definate when you should or shouldnt... i think we just need to make sure we are ready, before we go jump in the sac and get stuck in another circle we dont want to be in but are unable to leave because we have committed ourselves. make sure the person we have committed ourselves to is worthy of that commitment. reguardless of what type of person we are. we all have emotional issues, whether we use sex to control, liberate, or prove our worthiness... we need to remember that it has to be about us. not about them.

Sex was the only good thing (great thing) left in my relationship it seems. But then that was taken away and I realized there wasn't much of a relationship, I was giving emotionally, even when he wasn't aware that I was giving, by considering him in so m any ways...he was just living life doing whatever he wanted to do, whenever he wanted to do it and without regard or thought to me. At first I thought I was going to die from not being touched. After 10 months of no sex and no emotional connection and actually lots of anger and coldness from him and conversation after conversation asking himt o agree with me that divorce is the answer, finally I got him to agree. It still hurts that we will never make love again and I have no desire to have sex with anyone else, becuase to me sex is not just sex. or maybe to me more accurate I should say that I dont' want sex to be just sex. I want it to be more...emotional connection is very important to me, and that is why I don't have any desire to have it withanyone, sex I mean. Maybe someday if I ever want to be withsomeone again. I need to find myself first and be completely alone and independannt before I ever let someone this close to me again. Sex with just anyone isn't worth the feelings of letting myself down.

Dracona, I guess after 9years of no sex. When I do get a kiss, more than a wall is coming down....LOL just joking I think.

boy do I share the same fears, worries and moral values that make one feel numb. I still would only want to be with my husband. He had that spark~

sometimes I feel like i should do what so many women are doing.. just going to bed with any man... but I just couldn't. There has to be deep emotional, spiritual, and a psychic meeting of the minds~ I did feel that with my ex....