Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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mom03 07/20/2020

My husband and I have been married 20 years. He has been an alcoholic for 13 of those years. We have 3 children. Two still in high school and the other is out of the house. I want to start by saying that I love my husband with my whole heart. If I knew then what I know now, I would have left long ago. I have suffered. My children have suffered. My husband suffers. We all suffer from his alcoholism. If you are wondering if it gets better, then let me tell you that it gets worse. He’s had times where he attempts to drink less to make me happy but it never lasts long. I only have a part time husband. He can be amazing and he can be a nightmare. I raised our children alone. I stressed about money alone. I cried myself to sleep alone. I did everything alone while my husband spent time with the bottle. He will not stop drinking because he doesn’t want to stop. It hurts when your spouse chooses alcohol over you. I know it is a disease but it doesn’t make it any less painful. I wish I had been stronger. I wish I had been smarter. What do you do when the person you love the most is the worst thing for you?

FrustratedSpouse 07/20/2020

I’m so sorry. I feel similarly to you but married for 7 yrs less. I’m starting to wonder if it will ever get better. Your words resonated with me, “ He can be amazing and he can be a nightmare. I raised our children alone. I stressed about money alone. I cried myself to sleep alone. I did everything alone...”
This is me now. I can just pray you get the strength to make yourself heal. To care for yourself and make you happy because unless the alcoholic wants to change, there is no hope for then to change, at least this is what I’ve been told/read/learned. Many blessings!

othertwin 07/25/2020

I have nothing to add except to say that you are not alone. Married to my alcoholic for 33 years. I understand

Alleeton20 08/08/2020

I am there with you also. Married 27 years together longer than that. I have been in denial most of my life. I always think he will change. It’s almost strangely a surprise every 3-4 days when he’s falling down drunk again. I think I’ve been emotionally abused for so long - I’m just stuck. He doesn’t change and sounds like your husband. He can be a great guy 2-4 days a week then he can turn into a Jeckle Hyde with the flick of a switch. I just can’t do it anymore. I do nothing see no one, and yes do everything by myself. I look at all the things I missed from a healthy person. He gets no joy out of anything zero. Not birthdays, holidays nothing. Our children are now young adults - and they are embarrassed by him daily. We are now at the point of me losing them. They thought once they were done with college I’d have no reason To stay.......they say if I don’t leave soon, they don’t want to see me either. It’s time to make decisions. Yet they don’t realize I’m always thinking of them. He always has to be hounding and bothering someone. If I would leave he would never leave us alone. He would definitely make our lives even worse. So I just deal with everything - when I know I should get out of this dysfunction. The stories I have over 30+ years. People would be horrified of what I deal with. And he just tells me I’m the problem, You’re horrible, You’re a bitch, You’re a nag, You’re no fun, I was hoping to see or hear from women who understand - how do u get out of this? On top of it it’s covid. Not like many are looking to move into a new house at this time. If I insisted he move out, he tells me to his house too. I’ve tried locking doors when he’s on a bender......but he’d break a door down to get in. Just don’t know what to do anymore.

Panda2017 09/29/2020

I know it sounds awfully easy but at this point you need to make a plan for yourself and leave. Inhave a 7 year old and have made the plunge before,packed my bags and left. He then accepted to go tl rehab and things got better for a while but the disease is always there, waiting to strike again. Withnyiurnkids grown,it's time you thiught abiut yourself for a change and do something that makes you happy. I know that ifnhe ever gets that bad again,I will leave.

Mumof3girls 10/02/2020

I know how you are all feeling. I have been with my hubby since 1986, when I was just 17yrs old. We have three daughters, who are all in their 20's. Two got married last year and the other has just set up home with her fella. Ihave not been on here for quite a long time. Each time something goes wrong, hubby drinks more. He is a cider drinker. I stopped counting what he drank years ago. Over the last 5yrs or so, I have tried to concentrate more on myself. I have read co dependency books too. Over the last two years, hubby health has worsened. However I do not feel that I can leave, as he would become a burden on my girls and I cannot let that happen. It is so hard but I cannot see any other options at the moment

endlessgrief 05/08/2021

Been with my AH since 1985 - he has been a drunk the whole time. Now, he has no liver and they took him off the donor list because at his last checkup he tested positive for booze. Anytime I get angry, the throws things back in my face rolls his eyes until I explode.

I know for a FACT that my love for him died years ago. The last 10 years have been hell. NO INTIMACY NO HUGS NO KIND WORDS, NO SEX, NO SKIN TO SKIN INTERACTION. My resentment is turning into hate, and that scares me.

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