My husband and I have been married 20 years. He has been an alcoholic for 13 of those years. We have 3 children. Two still in high school and the other is out of the house. I want to start by saying that I love my husband with my whole heart. If I knew then what I know now, I would have left long ago. I have suffered. My children have suffered. My husband suffers. We all suffer from his alcoholism. If you are wondering if it gets better, then let me tell you that it gets worse. He’s had times where he attempts to drink less to make me happy but it never lasts long. I only have a part time husband. He can be amazing and he can be a nightmare. I raised our children alone. I stressed about money alone. I cried myself to sleep alone. I did everything alone while my husband spent time with the bottle. He will not stop drinking because he doesn’t want to stop. It hurts when your spouse chooses alcohol over you. I know it is a disease but it doesn’t make it any less painful. I wish I had been stronger. I wish I had been smarter. What do you do when the person you love the most is the worst thing for you?