Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
My AH been sober for a few months. He’s really been trying, working the program and all. He goes to his meetings almost everyday. Right after work most of the time. I catch him on the road or come home and make dinner in a flash so he’s eaten before his meetings. It’s been very lonely for me but I told myself it would get better and easier he needed this time for himself. To work on himself for our family. Well, I happened to see a text come through his phone and long story short he’s been talking and texting a female. Paying her compliments etc. I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid to comfront him because I thought he’d fall off the wagon and self destruct and frankly I couldn’t have it for the kids and I. I couldn’t take it any more after continuesly seeing their texts back and forth. I brought it up and talked to him about it. Apparently he’s lonely...go figure. After giving him all this space to work on himself he found comfort in another women who has a family too mind you. She makes me sick. The whole thing makes me sick. I’ve lost everything, every ounce of trust I had for him. I never thought he would make me feel so insignificant. I’ve been in this lonely marriage every night he drank. I’m so confused, sad, angry, ashamed, embarrassed, you name it... Yet I’m here
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Hi. This is my first post. I'm here because my husband is an addict and it's having a negative impact on our marriage and my emotional and mental well being. He's an alcoholic who is also addicted to pornography and video gaming. He spends every moment that he isn't at work or sleeping drinking beer, playing his video games, and looking at porn. He's completely pushed me out of his life. We don't...
The big grand prize you are due, and have every reason to expect, is not supposed to be like this.
In AA there is an iconic phrase, "...half-measures avail us nothing..." The differences between abstaining from drink and living a life of sobriety are like winter and summer.
A dry addict is a miserable soul.
So sorry.
may the force be with you
that is all
Obviously age has a lot to do with that, but even younger ones have pretty extraordinary empathic powers. They may not understand how deep the problems are, or the pain their parent inflicts/endures, but they definitely know they have a double life and their friends' lives are, usually, not as complicated, contradictory, and erratic.
Sadly, there are libraries of books and a small army of therapists who just address ACOA dysfunction/trauma in adults. Even more sadly, there are tons of alcoholics and other trainwreck adults who find comfort in what is familiar to their inner child and the cycle continues. I am a poster-child of that madness.
So the trillion-dollar question is, obviously, "stay for the kids' sake or leave for the kids' sake???? Which is the lesser of two evils for the kids' personal development and their prospects for becoming adults with as few scars and burdens as possible?"
It is a very rhetorical question.
may the force be with you