My Spouse is an Addict Support Group Community Group
This is a safe place where both women and men can come to gain strength through the addictions of their spouses. I feel that if we join forces... we will gain strength to get through our struggles. Feel free to join! You will gain strength, love and prayer here!
Hi. This is my first post. I'm here because my husband is an addict and it's having a negative impact on our marriage and my emotional and mental well being. He's an alcoholic who is also addicted to pornography and video gaming. He spends every moment that he isn't at work or sleeping drinking beer, playing his video games, and looking at porn. He's completely pushed me out of his life. We don't even make love anymore. When I try to talk to him about it and how it makes me feel he tells me to "quit being stupid". I keep trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I love my husband and want to fix our marriage. I just don't know how. Thanks for reading my post.
Your husband has an illness and other problems too. He probably knows he has a problem but is too scared to deal with it. If he drinks a lot everyday, he definitely knows that his drinking is getting in the way of a normal life. Whether he cares or not, or is at a point where he is willing to do something about it is another story.
The alcohol, the gaming, and the porn are all 3 modes of escape. He is probably not escaping from you, but rather more of an escape from himself, I cannot say why. He my not even know. It doesn’t matter though. Either he needs to realize that he is being an abusively neglectful husband through his addictive behaviors...and become willing to make changes...or you need to let him know that you can’t stay and continue to be hurt and shamed and alone.
I am far from perfect, but I have been sober for a few days shy of 21 years. Took my last drink when I was 30 years old. Before that, though, I was a daily drinker and became full-on chemically dependent on alcohol. Those were bad days.
My wife is a bit of a train wreck right now too, but your situation is really intensely bad.
Trust your feelings. They are authentic. If he says you need to quit being stupid - that is abusive. You don’t need to take that, even if he used to be a guy you loved with all of your heart. I am guessing that guy wouldn’t call you stupid.
Hang in there...it’ll get better one way or another.