I just joined this group and reading over everyone’s comments I to can relate. I have been married 31 years to an alcoholic. In 2017 he went to an inpatient treatment facility. He goes to AA meetings but continues to relapse. I am so in tune to him that the minute he hits the front door I know he has been drinking. My fear of him driving drunk and killing someone or himself haunts me. I then worry will they take everything we have if he does cause an accident. I have been thinking of getting my own car ins policy. I don’t know where any of it stands. If someone does please enlighten me. He has been picking up about once a week. It usually is 4-6 large cans of beer. He tries to be slick but fails. A drunk is never smart. Most recent he got rid of the empty cans before he got home. When he went to sleep I went inside his truck and as he was finishing each one he threw them on the floor. So hence the floor mat had dried on alcohol. I did not wake him but took the floor mat and brought it inside. I laid it on his desk with a note you missed some. Last week I knew he was drinking as he could not back the truck up good enough and had partially parked on the grass. I knew not to say anything but I did. He was eating his supper and was trying to keep his actions together. I blurted out you have been drinking. Well it was war. He said I’m nuts and how dare I accuse him. The next day there is so called remorse but I really don’t feel it. The I’m sorry shit does not do anything as I am numb. Fast forward to this past Tues he was taking a nap and I opened up his phone while looking at his browser he was looking at pornography. Let’s add he had an affair nine years ago. He earned back the trust. My heart, mind and soul is broken. I can’t even think of having sex with him due to my built up anger and resentment. So I waited for him to awake and I told him what I viewed. It was all out war. I lost it. I started throwing things etc. Once I got composure I packed a bag and checked into a local motel for two nights. I woke up about 1am to have a nagging feeling to go to the house. I witnessed him so passed out with a beer in his hand and supper sitting on his lap. The dogs where barking and I was not quite. He had a cooler on top of the kitchen table. He had bought a twelve pack. He must of drank at least seven and was placing his empties back in the cooler that had the full ones. Well what did I do opened each remaining can and placed them back into the cooler. He never knew I was there and really thinks he drank them all. I have not told him what I did. I returned home on Thursday and he said he is numb and tired of me asking how are you feeling today or bringing up the alcohol questions. He tells me he craves it and also prays daily for God to remove it. It isn’t working. I’m at my end. I suffer severe anxiety and depression due to every incident and when will the next one happen. I know some of you would get a chuckle of the things I most recently did. I know I’m as sick as him for it to consume me. This is not the end he also has a gambling addiction and buying stuff. There is never any money and he will spend ahead before he gets the next check. I have learned to lock up my stuff and remove money from my purse and stash in hiding place. With all of this can anyone give me guidance. I need someone to just reach out to and talk to. I tried alcohol anonymous and did three meetings. I sat and cried thru all of them. Please help