Wow it’s like you writing my same exact story. I have been pondering going for a consultation to a lawyer. The fear is hell. I also keep telling myself when is enough enough. We have a 29 year old son that is also an alcoholic. I kicked him out of my home because of my rules to him of no alcohol and no marijuana in my home. He got a DUI the night he moved out. He is on ARD but still doing both. His probation officer is going to pull him in at least one time for urinalysis. With not only my husband but my son also. Even though he is out on his own it’s tough as a parent. He also sees his father failing quite regularly so that does not help the situation. I’m sure like myself you battle depression as many do. I also get severe anxiety over worrying when the next hammer will fall. Isn’t just insane. My prayers for you. I give anyone that has the courage to get out as I am sure I will get to this point eventually. Please keep posting as how you are doing. I’m so appreciative to those whom are on this forum. I at one point thought I was alone.

I don't admit that I'm suffering from depression, but I do...I saw my reflection in a department store mirror and said to myself "wow I really look sad". The thing is I practice daily affirmations and when things get rough here I seem to "forget" to do them. I go into survival mode or auto pilot. I'm soooooo tired of the cycle. I want to redefine who I am and focus on my daughter's mental health. When I get divorced I vow to do therapy myself and get my daughter into therapy too. I'm tired of secrets, I'm tired of being voiceless....

I'm also sorry to hear about your son... take care of yourself first ok! Peace, love and prayers

I have gone through this many times. I am sound a sleep and he'll loudly complain about something I didn't do. Last week it was why I hadn't done laundry. If he had looked it was in the dryer. he's sober at these hours. But the nastiness hasn't gone away. Its frustrating and total bullshit to be woken this way. But I don't fight the fight with him. I should, but it just seems pointless most of the time. I feel your pain 100%

Get this, total lack of interest in sex, Goes and gets Cialis, when he wants to drink and doesn't ant me to make a deal out of it. He pops a pill , put out gets me in a good mood sweet words kindness, oh sooo loving ,talks to me about all the stuff I love,,,listens, all the way to the liquor store. Then we have a period of ," IM GONNA PLAY LOUD MUSIC SCHOOL NIGHT WORK NIGHT OR NOT", im gonna yell at the kids and taunt them, tell them how grateful they should be for him, how they should be without fault like he was when he was young, he can turn on me, ( if I don't drive him to the liquor store and absolutely go beyond my idea and FORBID him to get a bigger bottle,hell get the biggest one he can to push it,,just to the limit, and sometimes if I forget to say,The small one,hell get the big one and sure enough if I say a word, my MY JUDGEMENT and actions are in QUESTION???..We go through different extremes of this routine , EVERY COUPLE OF DAYS, because he works 2 on two off, every other weekend, on or off. THANK the gods his pay day, falls on a work weekend and a work DAY!!!!but he is constantly speaking of taking a little "vacation" ,,he knows just what to say, to overvcome the disappointment of past "vacations", he really, thinks he can keep running this scheme this scam, this same repeating cycle, and that I am unaware. Jeez, hes been in jail and on probation and weve hid stuff and told the police nothing has happened so many times, weve lied our way , justified our way , I have spun the story to my own sick mind so much to tell myself its ok??..nah,,none of it is ok.,it happened the first time I said, it was ok.,,never again, man, if I get out of this way of living, NEVER AGAIN,will I say im ok with something im not ok with.

i am telling you, the addiction wants fed, it turns them in to little agents of delusion and war on your whole being, and its contagious, it makes you sick you don't trust yourself or anyone any more. Listen to me tho, the way out, is to love yourself, i would be no where near the surface, if i didn't learnt to stop beating myself up, if i didn't start meditating and learning to understand i must have compassion and acceptance for myself, i have had it rough, but im not done, and i deserve to be happy, i don't desrve this and he is the only onewho can solve it, also , like with your son, sometimes, love is saying "enough" or "no" when you say no to all that garbage , you say yes to you.