Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
hi, I have posted in here a few times, mainly when other half was really really bad last year. He eventually got sober and we had 10 months where life was pretty normal and nice. He was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and the medication he got put on took away his need to drink or so he said. Unfortunately this has now all changed, the last month has been hell and he’s right back to where he was last year. I’ve had so many conversations with him once he’s sobered up about how we can’t go through this again, he’s disturbing my son when he gets home drunk, he’s even been brought back by the police. All I get from him is that “it won’t happen again” and he expects me to carry on as though everything is normal and I’m just waiting for the next episode. I promised myself last year I wouldn’t put myself and my son through it again and here I am stuck in the same situation. I am financially dependent on him but I have got parents i can go and live with until I can sort a job out etc. It’s been about 6 weeks he’s been drinking again and all I get is empty promises that it’s the last time it won’t happen again etc. Really at a loss of what to do now as I don’t want to live with this, I worry how a separation will effect my son (5) and I do worry about how my other half will cope if I cut him off. I just don’t see how I can just put up with it until he decides to stop again as I know nothing I say or do will make a difference he will do it when he wants to do it again and I’m not sure I can wait for him to get to that point again.
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Hi. This is my first post. I'm here because my husband is an addict and it's having a negative impact on our marriage and my emotional and mental well being. He's an alcoholic who is also addicted to pornography and video gaming. He spends every moment that he isn't at work or sleeping drinking beer, playing his video games, and looking at porn. He's completely pushed me out of his life. We don't...
Is he still taking the anti-anxiety meds and working on that? Or is he more just returning to comfortable territory with alcohol in lieu of the meds?
Is there family addiction/abuse history or PTSD background that is behind his anxiety?
You and your young son need a safe, predictable environment - physically and emotionally.
Both you and your partner need some time to reflect on where you are. He needs to decide if he has bottomed out and is ready to walk the walk of sobriety again. That is his decision and he needs to be fully committed for it to work in the long run. It may take you leaving for him to get to that point.
If you have a place to go that will afford you time to drift out of the impending doom emotional space, it is probably time to make plans for an exit. May not be forever, but given the choice between a safe place and a wildly unpredictable one, your son will benefit from the change of scenery.
may the force be with you
He is still taking his meds if I remind him every single day, where as before he would just take it without me having to say anything. He shouldn’t be drinking on them.
His father is a functioning alcoholic and I believe his grandad was an alcoholic also.
Maybe the next step is to suggest a break now, although all he does when we have a break is ring me everyday making excuses to need to speak to me and all of a sudden has to see our son, where as when he knows we’re at home he doesn’t care, it’s like he just likes to know we’re there waiting for him. He makes it very difficult to leave, guilt trips me etc.
He actually promised the other day If he drank again he would pack his bag and he would leave - low and behold he drank again! I suggested he leave and he told me to stop being stupid, brushes it off like it’s not a problem!
Anyway thank u again for your replies, got a lot of thinking to do tonight.......
Active alcoholics, good ones with lots of practice, can lie their way out of anything (and convince themselves that some of it is true). Egomaniacs with an inferiority complex. The contradiction is the hellish emotional place where alcoholics live.
You (and your son) would be very wise to:
Tell him you have had enough of the broken promises and he has to leave.
Establish very clear ground rules for when, how, and how feequently he is allowed to contact you.
Establish very clear expectations for parenting privileges if he follows the ground rules and very clear consequences if he can’t make that happen.
Under what conditions you would take him back, or push him out of your life 100% is totally up to you.
I want your son to do great things in his life....things that will make both of you proud.
may the force be with you