Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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Confussed

Faith
Faith

My AH has been sober for a little over a week now.  Six months is what he’s gone the longest sober.  I feel so stressed out even having him sober now.  I find myself not really know how to act, because he’s been questioning all my parenting skills now that he’s sober enough to pay attention.  It really pisses me off, I find myself making rude remarks and getting him even more pissed off.  I’ve been doing the best I can raising our kids basically on my own their whole life and I don’t really feel he has any room to criticize.  I just don’t know how to communicate with him anymore so I don’t say anything to upset him (like I do when he’s drinking).  I’m not sure where to go from here.  I’m hoping he’ll become that nice, sweet, caring man that I know once in a while, but I’m afraid he’s going to turn out to be a dry drunk.  Still I find myself in a lonely marriage.  The only ones that make me feel at home are my kids.  I pray he can continue his sobriety, but I hope our marriage can heal too. 

Hopefull.Believing
Hopefull.Believing
I pray for you and your family and for healing!!
Ceecee1
Ceecee1
It's sad when drunk is normal, and sober is confusing. Part of the problem is you are waiting for the bomb to drop and you resent, resent, resent what he's put you through and left you to parent by yourself, and suddenly NOW he wants to be a parent. My story is similar. He tries to stay sober but it never lasts so even the short periods where he is sober, I'm thankful, but resentful at the same time. I'm worried I'm just plum out of forgiveness at this point, and also feel so lonely. Good luck to you....you are not alone!
Alex265
Alex265
I feel like the first week or 2 is always the hardest too because theyre going through those withdrawl symtoms..being angry and irritable..atleast my AH is that way. After we get over that "withdrawl hump" my husband seems like his old self..Im so use to having a defense up when we talk so when hes sober its hard for me to just instantly drop that. My husband has been sober for a while but recently relaspe again and relaspe probably harder than he ever has. Its hard and its scary when he's sober because I'm always wondering if he'll relaspe again..stressing myself out. Having a special needs son i realized I need to focus more on children than AH. What im trying to say is you're not alone and Ill pray for your family, please pray for mine as well. God bless
Faith
Faith
Wow, this sounds all to familiar to me. Thank you all for your kind words and inspiration.
2Irish
2Irish
So what do you do when your AH does stop drinking?
i was so shocked when mine quit drinking that i did not say anything to draw attention to the situation - fear i would cause him to drink again. the sobriety only lasted a few weeks and now i am questioning whether i should have doted on him and boosted his ego about the accomplishment. He is drinking as much as before and any comment about please watch the budget causes anger - as usual.
Faith
Faith
Like Alex said they go through the withdrawal symptoms irritable and angry. I don’t really have the right answer but I do commend my AH tell him how proud of him I am and how nice it is to have him clear headed if his mood is right. You should be able to read him. I try not to aggravate situations in the beginning. It’s definitely a balancing act on my part. My AH recently fell off the wagon pretty bad and he’s trying to make up and get well. He’s sober thanks to his willingness to do better and some medication which helps him from the withdrawal symptoms. Does your AH acknowledge he’s an alcoholic?
2Irish
2Irish
mine denies being an alcoholic due to his association of 'alcoholic' with being passed out drunk. any comments whatsoever about his beer consumption are countered with anger and that he just likes the taste. He has been drinking since his teens and is not in his 60's. a 12 pack or even 18 pack of beer a day does not seem to phase anything but his attitude.