Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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subbydriver54 05/19/2013

My husband died a yr. and a half ago. I am a school teacher of 17 yrs. I can't do it any more, I just can't. I drive to another town and it is a forty minute drive. I have been rushing to and from work and I am tired. I have a farm and I can't keep them both going.
I want to retire but am only 59 until March of next yr. I won't get my retirement which will be in the range of $1600/month until next April! That is before taxes and no health insurance. I have worked since I was eleven yrs. old. Our place is paid for so all I need is utilities and taxes paid. Losing my husband has reminded me that life is short and I am more alone at work and isolated than I am at home where I love to be.
I think I can make it on what I get from gravel royalties off of our gravel pit and other small gas check. I can save over $500/ month just on gas and not counting the wear and tear on my vehicle.
I want to get out and do things I need to do during the day when the stores are open and not be so tired on weekends. I want a life again!!
My question is, am I crazy to give up a good paying job in these bad times and face the unknown and hope it all works out, am I moving forward with my life or destroying it?

alliepoo 05/19/2013

Also, you can draw the widow's social security on his salary at 60 and do yours later.

mel40 05/19/2013

School is about out for summer. With your experience, I bet you could make it another year! It sounds like you need some time to yourself and summer is right around the corner. I've told everyone that this summer is to allow me to grieve and stabilize. I've got alot to do. So, no PD this summer!

deleted_user 05/19/2013

If you have the chance to do it go for it. What do you have to lose at this point in your life?

deleted_user 05/20/2013

I retired from education at age 51 after 30 years of working as teacher and administrator. My husband was alive and in good health - I just wanted to enjoy my grandson. The year I retired he was diagnosed with stage IV renal cell cancer. I am so thankful that I was retired because I was able to devote my time to him and thank God he had 5.5 really good years before his quality of life was severely impaired. After he passed away a year and a half ago - I worked a few hours a day just because my Dr. recommended it. When taxes came around I realized I was paying to work!!! So now I am retired and love it - I get to choose what to do with my time and I am never bored. I get to exercise, volunteer, pray, attend support groups, meet friends for lunch, shop....whatever I want and not to mention see my grandsons off to school in the a.m. and be here for them when they get out of school I highly recommend retirement if you can financially afford it...there are more important things than money!

sandeestttn 05/20/2013

i have never regretted retiring. Now I am wondering how on earh did I get everything done then?... I can't keep up now.

Scouserboots 05/20/2013

It sounds like you are ready to move forward with the life that you want to live. There is nothing worse than being in a "job", when that is all it is, just a way to make a wage to pay your bills, which is what everyone I know and myself are trapped into. Although I do find my job rewarding that I do now, but have had other "jobs" that are just that, with no enjoyment or sense of worth to them.

If you can afford to retire, then do it. I am sure many people would given the choice to do so if they could.

barbarame 05/20/2013

The common sense answer is, take a short holiday and hang in there until retirement age. You are not in a place to make rational decisions - (after a bereavement) I know what you are feeling, a knock like this takes the stuffing out of you! You will regret not waiting it out, believe me. Retirement is not that far away and you do get the school breaks. Do not seek too much advice - it will all just confuse you. You do know the right thing to do. Besides, regardless of what you say, work is good for you right now, and the kids need a good teacher - sow a few more seeds so that the harvest can be great! To teach is a gift...one day you will see the results.

papagena 05/20/2013

I retired two years ago, at 59, a bit ahead of my time but I have never regretted it. I don't know how I would have coped if I had been working when my husband died. I worked for 37 years and my health was suffering. Best decision ever for me. My health has markedly improved.

My husband died just 4 months into his retirement and really never had time to enjoy it. He was generally very healthy and thought (and so did I) that we would have many years ahead of us. Life is short and we should try to enjoy what is left of it.

One more thing, I have found that since I do not work, I spend far less money than when I worked.

Of course, only you can take the decision. I wish all the best no matter what course you will choose.

cliffskat 05/20/2013

I think you need to contact Social Security again, because it looks like you can get a reduced widow's benefit and then be re-evaluated under your own earnings later. Here is what the Social Security site says:

"Widows or widowers benefits based on age can start any time between age 60 and full retirement age as a survivor. If the benefits start at an earlier age, they are reduced a fraction of a percent for each month before full retirement age.

If a person receives widow's or widower's benefits, and will qualify for a retirement benefit that's more than their survivors benefit, he or she can switch to their own retirement benefit as early as age 62 or as late as age 70. The rules are complicated and vary depending on the situation, so talk to a Social Security representative about the options available. "

Here is a link to that page on their website:

http://www.ssa.gov/survivorplan/survivorchartred.htm

Hope this helps. Looks like you can probably go ahead with retirement without that worry.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

lucyd1969 05/20/2013

It sounds to me like you have made your decision & you have the resources to go ahead with it. In your shoes I would do it! Jump in and enjoy your life and spend lots of time with that Grandbaby and your kids.
take care, Lu

jewells1 05/20/2013

Good morning. It;s nice to have choices than worry, but like some would think a bit before making a change like that. Do you teach year round? or is there a summer break for you? If there is that would be a time to explore the pro's and cons of it. Also would you get your retirement income in April of next year by quitting this year? 1600.00 in income is a terrible thing to let go of. All of us know that life can be so much shorter than expected. The "I think I can get by..." is a great unknown because you will still not have medical. We are all a little crazier now... but my creative brain goes to using the last year to create your own business that you could do from home, tutoring in exchange for farm work? agriculture.studies...etc.. a forty minute ride is long, both ways, but knowing there is a finite time to it may help. My best to you. Jewell.

rochelle1466 05/20/2013

Best wishes as you move forward with what is in your heart! I believe we have these feelings for a reason. Only you know you...and you are leading you to be home to enjoy where you love to be. If it does not work out, you can always undo it.....Have a great transition into your new life

Shrn 05/20/2013

Your situation resembles mine. I retired early after my husband passed and never regretted it for one second. I worked in the medical field and like you spent my life giving service to others. I burnt out and with him dying I knew it was time for me now.

You have done the work to know financially you are stable, as did I. We have lost the innocence of this won't happen to me, because it can and it does, or has. You have earned the right to take care of you, so do what you know is best for you now.

When I was making this decision I just did it without asking for input. I give you credit for taking another option of getting input, but the decision is personal. You have done your homework, waited til appropriate healing has been happened and not jumping into something on pure emotions. Enjoy your live as best you can and keep in touch. Sharon

sandeestttn 05/20/2013

yes, consider insurance. I thought I could buy it, but noone will cover my diabetes, or problems connected with it, for 2 years, then I will have medicare.

alliepoo 05/20/2013

You may be able to keep your insurance after retiring, I am able to as a teacher and bet you can too, you just pay the premium which is a lot less than getting it on your own. I work in TN.

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