Hi Kim, I too have lost my husband and month ago today. Matthew (my husband) and I regularly video messaged each other as our former of communication. Although watching them makes me sad I an super thankful I have these videos cause the thought of possibly "forgetting his voice or face" would devastate me even more. Stay strong, maybe one day you will learn to cherish those videos.

I feel you dear , I also go through my husband's videos and voice messages and pics and everytime end up with huge crying . But I feel that's the way to do it . I m trying to not forget him and keep looking at him and place him in my heart permanently so that I can love him forever and gain strength from that love which will eventually help me to move forward . Many people say don't browse trough his pics anymore but I don't think that's useful . He was such an important part of my life and I know I will reach a day where I can watch those with smiles and not tears . Thinking that glad he happened to me even though for a short time and he chose me in his short life .

Right now watching the videos helps to release the pain and probably remind you of the days you are fortunate to have. As time passes you will continue to cherish them. I listened to the last message I received from him as he was being released from the hospital after my husband died. It's a way of healing. I had put his picture on our bedroom wall and would talk to it as well as kiss him good night. Silly ways of getting through the nightmare.
In time you will find new ways of coping with the loss and not need material reminders. Don's presence is still present in my life and it's been 9 years. I send my love and am here for you. Sharon

Thank you all for your replies. I guess I've been avoiding, except on rare occasions, looking at pictures or the video as it was so painful, but I think it's probably better not to avoid the pain, but to release it, as Shrn said. I guess my loss is become reality now, even though it still just seems impossible that Matthew is gone. I look at pictures of his sweet face and I just don't understand how somebody who I loved so dearly will never be in my life again. How is that possible?

It took me 2 years to be able to look at his picture without breaking down. I had to immediately get his things out of sight. Some are different and enjoy having their things near. If it hurts too bad just put them away and try again in a couple of months.

rebl3157, thank you for your reply. You may be right, but I'm concerned that the only time I get can understand the full ramifications of his death is when I watch the video, That's when the impact of how much I love him, how cute and dear he was and that I'll never see him again really hits me. Is that masochistic? I guess part of me is afraid that I'm still in denial and think that if my grief overwhelms me, it will be over sooner. The social worker in me understands that's not how it works, but I'm so afraid of feeling even worse than I already do...because currently, the pain is indescribable...I miss him so much. I don't know if I'm making sense.

Hi Kim. You are making perfect sense. A few weeks before my wife died I shot video footage of her with her two children and three grandchildren and assorted other family. It will soon be a year-and-a-half since she died. I have yet to be able to view the footage. I still am unable to go through our many photo albums. At the same time I cherish those things that I cannot yet bring myself to look at. And I know when the time is right they will bring me great comfort and joy. So we do what we can when we can. There is no timetable for anything. Matter of fact I so remember at about 6 months into my grief when a good friend of mine from here encouraged me to look at something personal of hers. I opened up a box of cards we had given each other through the years. The very top card caused the most uncontrollable sob from the depths all of my soul that went on for hours. I recall thinking that while the experience was beyond painful, and actually moved me forward in my healing. Always remember that there are no shortcuts to get through our grief. We just have to go through it to get through it. So do as you can is best you can. So many times I've seen it said, this is not about winning a race. This is about survival.~~~ Scottie

Hi Scottie,

Thanks so much for your post - today I grieved harder than I have in the past two and a half months. I'm talking wailing, crying...from deep in my soul. I was at work today and the fact that everybody around me was laughing, etc. made me feel all the more isolated, lonely and "different." In addition, one colleague asked me "how are you doing? Good?" "Good?" I thought???? Good? My husband died suddenly two and a half months ago, I felt like screaming... The pain is just overwhelming...

Yup, work was the worst for me. Trying to contain my grief and function was next to impossible. I came as close as a person could to losing their job without actually losing it. I fell into a deep depression which I did not identify until I watched deadlines come and go and just didn't care. That's when I went to a doctor and started on anti-depressants. And I'm the most anti-drug person you'd ever meet. But for my getting medical help, I have no doubt that I would not have my job today. People are ignorant as to what you are going through, I know I was before I experienced the nightmare. Understand that the overwhelming pain is part of this. We were one in our spirit with our spouses and when they died, they took a very real part of us with them. Some describe it as an amputation of the heart which I believe accurately describes what we suffer and why it takes so long for us to heal. It is a deep spiritual wound unlike any other. Just hang in there. This is not something new to the human race. We do survive it against all odds. Just know that you are not unique in any of this. God bless you. ~~~ Scottie

I feel your pain. I lost my husband on Sept. 10,2016. It's not even been 2 months yet. My sweet Johnny was only 58. He had open heart surgery on June 30,2016. While the surgeon was removing a clamp to close him up, he tore my husbands aorta. He lived for 73 days never leaving the hospital. The pain is unbearable. I can't function most days. I'm so numb.

Wow, I so feel your pain I lost my husband on September 8, 2016. My world came crashing down I fainted in the hospital, could not believe my Michael is gone, only 53 years young, we had so much living to do, the day my husband died, I wanted to die, some days I still feel like it, and there are other days when I feel like I might just make it. Hang in there, we can all get through this together...praying for you

I am sorry for your loss and that you needed this group, but glad you found us. I lost my husband, Cliff, to a heart attack at the age of 55. Everything in my life changed in moments. It was months before I could look at photos. It was a lot longer before I could bear to listen to his recordings. I don't have any video, but we had done tapes of him playing music and also talking with our sons. Whenever I tried to listen to him play music, I would just be gutted. Music was so integral to our relationship, and he used to play for me and wrote songs for me as well. Sometimes I can listen to him now without crying, but it took a very long time.

Some people felt better by building shrines and surrounding themselves with photos. I couldn't bear it, and what is more, my sons couldn't handle it at all. I had to find a balance between grieving, carrying on, leaving some things the same, and making changes in other areas, not just for myself but for our boys. It wasn't easy finding that balance. I often felt like I was grieving twice - once for myself and once for our boys. And single parenting really sucks.....

You will gradually rebuild your strength, and you will make it through this. It won't be easy - I wish there was a magic wand that would make it so. I can tell you that you don't have to go it alone. Don't give up.

Love and Hugs,
Martha