It took me months to go to church. I went to a new one, and cried the whole way through. Not one person spoke to me and the pastor, made light of suicide. I sent them a prayer request on their website, that told them what happened and that they should pray for their church.
I attend a Methodist church now, alone. I go to the service that is kinda hip, with a band. I enjoy it, but I'm still seeking the right fit for me. The people are so friendly and they have kneelnex on every pew.
With time or maybe a different church, it will get better.
Paula

I never left church. It is part of my New York Italian tradition. I have no idea what denomination you are, but you might try a different church and drop by the church office some time before attending a service to find out what the service is like. My church is not heavily populated with young adults and there are a lot of groups for the older ladies. I wish there was more there for me alone the line of involvement.

Maggie

Well I trie a new church after Jim died and the pastor tried to put the moves on me in my own house. That did it....I haven't attended church since....

Never been a church person...my dad was catholic, my mom was baptist, my brother, siter and I were christened lutheran and when we went as a family....not very often....we went to a methodist church. I have a lot of faith, I believe in God...I just think that you can find God in your heart, in the trees....in the birds that fly or the ants that build their ant hills. Every time I have been involved with a traditional church I have come away feeling angry. People are so quick to judge....I am not a bible scholar nor try to be....I think it says somewhere "judge not lest ye be judged." Perhaps, you are at a place where you need to seek God in a less traditional manner. Try going for a walk in a park or go to a lake where it is quiet and speak to God. This is where I have always found him and continue to find him as he comforts my heart. Blessings to you.

I never stopped going to church, almost always cry though. But today was real hard (for no real reason). Now I'm like, maybe I'll stop going. Like you I hate sitting there by myself. Just over 1 year for me, and all I can say is this SUCKS!! Hugs to you

I went to church today. My first time in many yrs. I have the faith, believing in God and Jesus Christ. I think I'm looking for something but not sure what... I know, it makes no sense. I've been reading the bible this last year. I pray to God for his help. I watch for signs but either my eyes are not open or he hasn't sent any. My heart tells me what to do but my mind says otherwise. (to move to NY or stay in FL) I think that's why I went today. Everyone was nice and greeted me and hopes I return. I will go a couple more times and see how it goes. You have to give it a chance, one visit doesn't do it. I feel angry too that there are happy people out there. They will be in our shoes one day, always remember that! Some sooner than others. God Bless everyone!

My husband and I were active in our last church for several years, especially in the music ministry. Since he passed in January I haven't been able to make myself go. I have visited my daughter's church a time or two, visited once with my sister at her church, but nothing feels right. Until now I hadn't been in church by myself for about 45 years. It feels so awkward sitting there without him by my side, very uncomfortable and emotional. I find myself not thinking about the things I should be thinking about in a worship service. Church is for worship, to worship the God of our faith. I do think church is important, not just for worship, because you can worship anywhere, but fellowship with other Christians is important to me-it's like nutrition for the soul somehow. Nonetheless, I can't make myself go yet. I pray that I will find the right church and be able to attend again and be part of a worshiping congregation again at some point, but right now it just doesn't work. It didn't help that our pastor pretty much walked away from the funeral service and out of the picture. He stopped by the house one time about a month after my husband passed, and occasionally he stops by my office at the hospital, because he's there anyway, but he really doesn't seem sincere--mainly just asks me when I'm going to come back and sing for them. He doesn't really seem interested in how I'm doing or how I'm coping--I don't feel a part of that church any longer. I guess many of us have had this problem, I can only hope and pray that as time goes on I will start to crave that experience again and return to a church where I will feel welcome and fit in, and become a part of it again. I pray that you will find that perfect spot for you as well.

(((hugs)))

The short of it...I didn't. and long before Bill died. Converted to Zen Buddhism and never looked back.

That being said...there are a great many people who gain much solace from Christianity and assuming you are/were one of them I would encourage you to not stress much over services in a building. As I understand it- God is everywhere...and certainly must be present in your home or on a walk through the forest or park as well. A Christian friend summed it up once by saying "Ya know...I believe God makes house-calls."

I understand your feelings (re; the young assistant pastor or the snuggly couples) loss makes our own Tree of Knowledge and it seems we have eaten the forbidden fruit. Realizing that sometimes our tear-filled prayers aren't answered...knowing the horrible morning after his death feeling that the young assistant can't possibly know or understand...and hoping that he never has to...ditto with the snuggly couples. Remember Church (and GOD) can rest as comfortably in your heart as it can a building.

Hoping you find the peace and light you seek.

(((hugs)))

Carla (a fellow traveler on this journey)

I had a really hard time going back to church after Larry died. I promised my dad just before he died 7 years ago that I would take my mom to church every Sunday. When I could no longer leave Larry I stopped going to church. I was sitting here crying one day and remembered my promise to my dad so I took my mom to church the following Sunday which was a few months after Larry died. I still find myself crying sometimes during church and I stare at the floor or leave all together. It doesn`t seem to get much better but so many people here seem to draw so much strength from their church and faith along with my promise to my dad, I am still going....not always working for me but I do go, hugs Lu Ann

Please try not to judge when going to church- as we all know, we all have hidden pain. The young pastor ( and the older couple ) could just be trying to give a little comfort to those who need it. When I was in court for my sons murder, I would go outside for fresh air, and I would be so surprised that other people would see me as just another person, and not see the intense pain I was in. We will all lose someone, we will all suffer - it is just a matter of when. Maybe you where happy in church because of your husband - and not the church? G-

I used to read my bible every night, but now I really don't find much comfort in doing that. I started attending a different church. I wanted a new start without everyone knowing my story. The new church has been great. It was like he was talking directly to me. It was a much bigger church, so I only saw a few snuggle families. We were able to sit in an area that was not heavily populated, so that was nice to not be surrounded so tighly on every side.

I do find comfort in God and in my faith. I am not mad at God, but I was at the preacher at my old church. The change made the world of difference to me. I hope you find peace and maybe visiting a couple new churches would be good for you.

Bob and I were pretty active in church throughout our marriage. I loved going and we had lots of friends and loved being so involved.

But since he went home to Heaven, I have to say I find it difficult to go to church alone. I will usually arrange to meet a friend or friends and sit with them. That helps, but it is usually pretty uncomfortable & sometimes painful.

I love the Lord with my whole heart, but worshipping Him doesn't seem the same, I'm sad to say. I agree that it is so painful to see the couples together--the way Bob and I were--so loving & huggy. Also, there are the messages about marriage -- oh, how I wish I was still married to my sweet husband. We had a beautiful marriage we had for 38 yrs. and we both loved the Lord!

I hope I will be able to enjoy church again someday.
Hugs, Linda

Going to church was not a high priority for me, I'm ashamed to say, right after Joe left this world. I was raised in church and have gone most of my life. I just couldn't make myself get up on Sunday morning and get ready for church for several months -- except occasionally. I usually made it to church on Sunday night. Joe was not much of a "church man". He went sometimes, but, mainly his job kept him at work most Sundays. So, I was used to going alone.

I am happy in my church now ~~ again. I love gospel songs and our new preacher is so enthusiastic and "on the ball" for the Lord, that it is a joy to listen to his sermons. He is young, but, the Lord gives him great messages to preach.

It takes "time" for most of us to return to close to "normal". (As far as I'm concerned "normal" is a setting on a dryer.) It will take prayer, Bible study and time. If you are really uncomfortable at your church though, try another.

God Bless You, Joely

Choosing a church may be as involved as choosing a mate. We don't marry the first guy we date, so why would we think we should settle on the first church we try out? Every church is different and we must "shop around" to find the one that "Clicks" with us. I was raised in the traditional Methodist Church, as my father was a pastor for 50 years. During my adult years, I went to church sometimes a lot for awhile and then sometimes not often, as my 1st husband and I moved a lot.

In my current life, I decided to try a totally new kind of church. When I would pass by (on my way into town), the parking lot was PACKED! I would see this every Sunday that I went. One day I said I'm just going to visit this church and see what is going on. I no sooner walked in that heard a band playing loud, happy music. The people were SO friendly. After my first visit, I was sold. The pastor was awesome. Now, 7 years later my 2nd husband has died and I still love my "new" church which is totally different from the way I was raised. When I walk in, I feel HAPPY and welcome. I hope everyone will not give up and just marry, then divorce the first church they try out. Try as many as it takes till you find which one suits you! My church was my greatest support in the loss of my husband to cancer. God never promised to keep trouble away from you, but he promised to be there with you through it all. I wish you the very best!

I hope I do not offend any of you. I need your support and I so hope you will accept my answer to this post without resenting me
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Answer to how did I go back to church is: I didn't and I do not intend to. I had prayed all my life, morning & night, a sincere prayer to thank God for what He had blessed me with. These were not static prayers where you just get in the habit of repeating the same thing time after time. It always came from the heart & was sincere. One by one God has taken away the things I was so grateful for. The things that made my life worth living are now all gone (Except for one & I hope He doesn't notice.) As for the things I prayed for help with I cannot remember receiving a positive answer to any.
The church I was raised in as a child is very male oriented. A single woman isn't of great value. I do not find the church members in my area truly friendly or helpful. They give lip service but it ends there.
If going to church is helpful to you perhaps you could seek a different congregation. I hope you do find peace & a little bit of happiness as you go. Darlene