I never stopped going to Church. It was hard but once I got there, I always got a blessing and left feeling better. Don't get me wrong I cried a lot because Sonny was such a powerful singer and I always loved hearing him sing next to me. I miss having him put his suit coat around me when the church was to cold for me. But I learned a long time ago that without God I could not get through this journey. Yes, sometimes people say things that I get a little offened by and yes I get sad when I see other couples. When this happens I turn my eyes back toward the Lord and let him comfort me. God always answers our prayers even when we think he is not. When I prayed for Sonny to be healed God answered by healing him in Heaven. After saying all this; I know that everyone is different and this is just how it was for me.

Prayers and Hugs

Christine

My husband was the Pastor of our church and I am the worship leader. I never stopped going or leading our congregation. My husband died on a Wed...I sang at his funeral because I knew thats what he wanted. I knew God would see me though it...Sunday I was there leading the worship. It wasnt easy and it was very difficult to watch someone else be behind the pulpit preaching instead of him...he was so dynamic...so on fire for Jesus. I have stayed in my Bible knowing God's Word is alive and that He would give me the strength to continue putting one foot in front of the other. There have been times where I have felt like I am crawling, but if I have to crawl I will.
I am going to church to learn more about God and to fellowship with other brothers and sisters in Christ. It has not always been a joyful time...of course due to the emotional pain...but I do it for God.
I believe that God always answers our prayers...just not always what we pray for. It is hard to see that in the midst of the pain. I wanted my husband alive just as you want yours...but I trust in God soverign plan instead of what is right before my eyes...such as an empty life without my husband. If this loss helps me to grow closer to Him, than Gods will be done.. We are all going to die...its the only way out of here except for the rapture of the church...so I might as well try to live as Christ like as I can.
I do this because I love God more than anything...and I want to be a good witness to others.
I hope you will go back soon.. Its is my source of strength and peace ...hugs to you... Debbie

My church is FILLED with the young, married ones with millions of kids. I have a Bishop that is 29 years old. He is suppose to counsel me in what I believe a very personal life change. He hasn't been around the block yet. I relate to your frustration. I know that when I go to church, I try to remember why I go. I want to worship my Heavenly Father and partake of the sacrament. I do that, and I ignore the rest. It is a very personal thing. I hope that you find peace, and that you don't have to compare yourself with the congregation. I think there is some one there that is looking at you and you are setting a perfect example. There is a saying in my church and it goes like this...Jesus said life wouldn't be easy, but He did say that it would be worth it. Life is hard, and I think there is a day of reckoning for everyone. They will have their trials, and what we do with those trials are what count. I hope you lean on Jesus, and do your best to feel Him near, after all, He did suffer for you and me, so lay it at His feet. He will understand. I hope this helps. Hugs~Shelley

I was raised catholic, but it was not a good fit for me. I now am a member of the Congregational Church. It is a Christian Mission Church. The people are very inviting and caring and do so much for everyone in the community. It feels right for me.

I did have a hard time though after my husband died two years and 3 months ago. I didn't go for awhile and when I did I would cry almost every time and leave. It just all hit too close to home and my emotions were all over the place back then. And when our minister or anyone said that God doesn't give you more than you can handle or that prayers are answered I felt like yelling out..."So how did God NOT give my husband more than he could handle...he died of a brain tumor!" And before my husband died I prayed and everyone prayed a LOT. My husband was 58 years old and went from young and healthy and full of life to gone in five and a half months. Those months were HELL! So I was so so mad at God and I thought to myself...all these people believe that if you only pray enough everyone will live and everything will be alright. I felt like everyone in the church was clueless. I KNEW that prayers did nothing to save someone.

But then through time I stopped being so insanely mad and saw that I wasn't alone in my suffering and others also lost so much and we all still had to be there for each other and keep moving forward...no matter how hard that was.

So I guess the reason that I wrote is that it is so normal for people to be angry at God, or to have a hard time with their faith when they lose someone so close and their world is shattered. I think it is the time that we are supposed to question everything because it is the falling apart that eventually leads to the rebuilding.

I wish I could say it better, but it is normal, I think.

hugs...
-Diana

Mike died on a Friday and I was in my church on Sunday. Along with my entire family- mom and dad, sisters, son and his girlfriend. It was so important for me to be there to "receive" the love that my church family has for us. You see, I go to a church that IS like family...I have known the great majority of these people all my life, and Mike knew them for a long time too. So I knew their compassion was very real and that they were sad also...sad for me and my family, and sad because such a good guy was taken too young

I also know that the world didn't stop the day Mike was diagnosed with cancer...it might have for me, but the rest of the world goes on. Isn't that the way I saw it BEFORE I was in the fray?

I remember one Sunday crying at the couple sitting in front of me with his arm around his wife...the way Mike used to with me...and getting so sad...not mad at them, because I knew their closeness was due to the husband being a cancer survivor himself...but sad for me cause Mike wasn't there.


I have taken the time to not do some of the things I used to ....like sing in the choir and praise team...but I have gone back to the praise team last week and feel so blessed to be able to sing again...and there are still songs that I just can't get out- songs that just touch my heart- and the rest of the team just says "you sit when you need to and just cry" ...they know ...they love me and I feel their love.

I think you have to get to the right place...not only the right church, but the right place in your heart...make not mistake, God KNOWS what your deepest thoughts are- there is no hiding from Him! Your relationship with Him will strengthen as you let Him heal your heart.

Blessings to you today Karen, as we continue to travel this road. Peace.Jill

I went to a friend's church with my parents for the first time since Brian passed. I did okay except during the singing. Brian had a beautiful voice and I loved to hear him sing while standing next to me in church. I started to cry and had to get a kleenex from my purse. Thankfully, I have a cold and I think most people thought it was my cold. I just don't know if I can go back to home church yet. It's a big church and I have lots of friends and the thought of going back into that is more than I can bear right now. It's been six months today.

Nessie from KY

Lost Jim in January of 2010.....Catholic.......no I have not returned

I continue to go to my church and have been embraced not only by the pastor (a woman), but by the ladies in the congregation that are widowed also. I don't feel out of place there at all.

I do know that since I have received the devotional book from a bible study friend, I am relying on God more and more. He is really the only one who can guide us in our lives and bring us peace and comfort.

I can't believe not one response about the pastor trying to make a pass at me. It was not my imagination. A man of God trying that is just so icky.....

Going to church for me isn't about who I sit next to or what couples are there. We are affected by other's relationships no matter where we are. There are couples in the grocery store do we stop shopping? Going to church for me is about fellowship and worship as a group in a Spirit filled environment. I am reinforced by the Spirit and can continue in my week with God's grace upon me. There are sermons that do not touch me and then there are the weeks where the message seems to be directed to me. Any time you hear God's words you will get some message. Young preachers, old pastors most have not experienced what we have in our loss but they are still filled with their calling. I understand the anger at God for putting us in this widowed position and being in church may bring forth the anger and resentment...life isn't what is was, we have been robbed...I pray daily for the strength to see this journey through, I pray for guidance to make the right decisions and I pray that He restore in my the light of life and happiness of hope. I do not question, I do not blame, I continue on in faith.
May He bless you with peace....Linda

Because of my experience with this pastor I have stopped going to church. Now I have always believed that God is everywhere. You do not need a group of people in a church to find him. I have my own relationship with God and I feel good about it. If you choose to go to church each Sunday that's wonderful but I have found God right here in my heart.

I remember going to Church the first Sunday. I sat in the very last pew because that was all I was up to. When it came to the Our Father, the young usher stepped out and back one pew to hold my hand. I will never forget that kindness. Another problem I had was should I start sitting in the same pew we always did with the same people around me, but his spot empty. A group of loving friends always sat on the left, in the second row (I called it the widow's seats). It took me quite a while to figure out where I felt comfortable and finally joined my friends in the 2nd pew. Now we all go out to McDonalds after Church. Nice!

@cleodoggie...

Raised in a Pentecostal Church with a pastor who also had private pat and chats...he finally got caught...and a lot of those fine upstanding "christians" seemed to be caught up in denial...and huddle around the poor poor pastor instead of his mostly 8-10 year old victims.

40 years later...yeah I'm still through with it.

(just thought I would comment on Pastor Icky...believe it people...they are out there)

How gross. It shakes your faith big time when a "man of God" does something like that. Just where you think you are safe! Thank heaven they are all not like that, but they get painted with the same brush. How humiliating and humbling for the innocent.

If you feel you should spread the word so that other people are safe, do what you think is best. But don't stay away from worshiping God. That is just what the devil wants.

Sorry, I guess my message was for cleodoggie. Can you get it to her?