"People grieve differently and maybe that is why some people react the way they do."

That's true certainly for people who have had a recent loss..but you might expect after 3,4,5yrs they would have a little more control?

You might wonder from their postings what they wanted from this group? Certainly they have offered nothing of any value which is a shame because you would think at that point they would have something to offer the more newly bereaved members, instead they just give cheap jibes and unfunny comments.

Definately they have some issues - they cannot behave in that way in real life, so they do the cowardly thing and hide behind the net.

My bet is that something they did while in their relationship means they have got stuck in a huge guilt trip and cannot even begin to come to terms with what they did. What other reason would you have for criticising others violently for something you have already done? Why would you say someone didn't love their partner because they are dating when they are dating themselves and have been for some time?

Elsewhere on the board we call these people "trolls" and eventually after multiple warnings, a few suspensions, DS takes out the trash.

I have found this site an added support to my counseling sessions and support group I attend. It is a place where we can express ourselves, and talk from the heart. It is a place where we can vent, ask questions and feel better when reading that someone else is experiencing the same feelings as we.

I take everyone for who and the way they are. We all have different personalities, we come from separate backgrounds, and no two relationships are alike.

Part of personal healing is being free to express and unload. It sometimes may be offensive, but our responsibility is to choose not to read it, or overlook it. We are all here for the same reason.

Being a victim of personal attack, if the owners of DS were concerned that I was violating the terms and conditions of this site, I haven't heard from them. And, I see that smilinjack is back.

My practice has become to send a personal message to anyone that personally offends or attacks me. Like you all, I have suffered tremendously, and I'm not going to suffer or have my feelings hurt by anyone and just take it.

"And, I see that smilinjack is back. "

It's generally not a good idea to name people in posts, but as I said, DS is very lenient.

Opinions and differences are expected. Out right personal attacks are not allowed, like making fun of someone's disabilities etc.

Recently after being here for nearly 3 years there has been a major escalation in personal attacks, something that was virtually unheard of previously.

If people report an individual and DS decide action should be taken, generaly;

-people get several warning letters

- if they continue people then get a 3 week suspension

- if they persist people are banned

they also tend to remove offensive posts.

hope this helps

Acuriousfish, glad to see you back! Your comments have always been inspiring to me, sensible, and insightful. For the rest of you who have commented, thank you - it's good to know that there is still a substantial number of us who are planning to stay. I would, however, like to see some of the sarcasm and negativity expressed differently, and all of us trying to "be nice". laurabp

Thank you Laurabp for posting this discussion, I have been thinking the same thing and I am new on here so just so you all know this could be kind of upsetting to new people to come on here only to find people are mad and leaving because of it, but in saying that I have to say I have been welcomed by loving and caring people that are going through alot of the same things I am, which is very helpful and encouraging. I know we are all different and thats ok it sometimes helps us look at things from a different perspective. So don't get upset and leave (stay) you could really help someone someday. )))Hugs((( Kath

I always try to be nice and I do think some people take offense sometimes when none is meant or aimed at anyone personally. The written word unfortunately is sometimes taken differently than the spoken. So many emotions go with grief ....anger and sensitivity amongst them and they come on suddenly. At that moment things that wouldn't usually offend suddenly does. I wish the person would wait until the moment has passed and maybe they wouldn't leave. This is such a wonderful community full of kind people!

Grief is what brought us hear in the first place. We wanted to share with others in the same boat. I also joined the young widow's group and I never hear from anyone there. I don't think they are looking for what I am. I have had more warmth and compassion from the people on here that are more my parents' age. (no offense meant) Maybe some of you out there have your heads on straighter than you realize and this 27 year old needs that.

BTW, telling God 'n everyone you are leaving is tacky.
Peace out!
Kaaren

not exactly - you've got people here that are deliberately setting out to upset others, it's not taking offense when nothing is meant when someone names you and calls you something like a nazi.

btw, having had a wife who was european Jewish in origin I find that kind of insult extremely offensive. Still the same person called me a communist - get your politics straight unless he was refering to the early roots in National Socialism but I supsect he was simply just trying to annoy.

Add in attacking someone because they have bipolar..and saying they didn't love their wife because they now have a new partner is not taking something that wasn'ty meant.

And no, you cannot see that material because DS removed it and warned the individual.

If anyone still doubts me, I have a copy of the original posts.

I find reading how others feel and are coping very instructive and often inspiring, some I agree with and some I don't but I have to admit to enjoying the more controversial topics. It makes me feel part of the human race again when something rouses my interest, a feeling I still don't often get out in the 'real' world. It's the difference of opinion and how the different views are explained and supported that I find thought provoking and I actively enjoy following the discussion even if I don't join in. What I don't enjoy is when a difference of opinion is aimed personally at a specific person. I consider such behaviour out of place in any expression of difference of opinions and downright cruel in this environment where so many are hurting so very badly. We all have to learn to live again, with our grief, in whatever way works for us and to tell someone, or make them feel, that the way they are 'doing' it is wrong when they are so vulnerable, is inconceivably cruel and inhuman. Having said this, I would not leave this site because of anything anyone said, I need it too much. As many have expressed, it has been, and continues to be, a lifeline. Nowhere else have I found available the comfort and support that I find here 24/7. I would just like to add to acuriousfish, I am so pleased that you have not allowed the behaviour of a minority to take away the benefits the vast majority of us have found from your involvement in this site, thank you for sticking with us to help us.

My first thought was Dont let the door hit you in the. Or Spare us the farewell speech, but thats not right. Sometimes a long rambling goodbye speech is whats needed; it could be they are trying to say goodbye to grief and all the confusion, frustration and everything else that goes with it. If thats the case than all we can do is wish them luck and let them know there are no hard feelings and if they want to come back they are more than welcome.

Those are my thoughts and the sad fact is more join this group nobody wants to be in here daily than leave. Keep in mind nobody here asked or wanted to be a widow or widower and unfortunately leaving a goodbye message on this board doesnt change that, but in some folks mind it might be worth a try.

This community is my lifeline for me. I enjoy reading the posts. I would rather not be a member, not my choosing nevertheless we are here for a while. Like everything in life you can not agree with so just roll with the tide. When I started I think I was crying as I was posting, not crying as much now. sometimes I wonder where all the water is coming from, cry when I read some of the posts. We are supporting each other on this never ending roller coaster ride. Hugs to all. I promise to always be nice:))))

I take it Jack means he's staying?
(Stop hurting these womens hearts Jack. Its cruel. Dont worry, more than a few of us will be as bitter as you one day. Your misery will have company. Mine too I suppose.)

I woke up and my wife was DEAD next to me. I cremated her. I buried her. Ive had people whose laps I sat in as a child break my heart with their insensitivity.
Next to that, theres not a thing any one anywhere can do to hurt me.
Jack needs to see that lonliness is not cured with negative attention. Im sure the guy has more to offer than attitude and out of place sarcasm.

As for why people leave here or take a break, I think sometimes we need to for our own sakes. Our grief and misery has to let us breathe every now and then. That isnt always possible here because it surrounds us in each other.
Someone has acted like an idiot and added to your hurt? Take a break. Breathe. Then come back and comfort others still holding their breath, because Jack said hes staying. Hes probably going to be a jerk to some other
hurting soul and they will need some support too.
Who knows? That person might just be Jack one day.

I am not leaving. I'm staying like Jack! I do not post here as often, but I read everday. I was just going on here to start a new post, and got sidetracked by reading this interesting string.

Smilinjack - then whatcha doin??

A really interesting post but I've obviously missed something that's been going on here. I've been here on DS for over three years now and it's provided me with so much support and friendship to help me cope with my loss and grief. I've met so many kind, wonderful and supposrtive people here it saddens me to read that people have been "attacked" and hurt here. I hope any new members will not be put off as I'm sure they can find many "like souls" who will offer them mutual support through the dark and difficult times. I'm sure we are all so emotionally vulnerable when we are in the depths of our grief but, as others have reminded us here, there is a little phrase under the box when we write - "in adding this comment I do promise to be kind". That's not too much to ask is it? Long may DS continue to provide the wonderful support it does from so many good and kind people. Patrick