I have had both, a divorce and lost my husband. Neither can compare. At least not in my opinion. My ex husband passed away also a few years ago and it was definitely different from when we divorced. People do not realize death is final. Even the heartache of a divorce is with us. We know that they are still on this earth.

I agree with others who have said that when you are divorced you know that your ex is still on this planet somewhere, even though you may not have contact. Death, however, negates that thought.

But I think that when people say such insensitive things, once again (as we've seen discussed here so often) it's because they simply don't know what to say.

Pain is pain ... it's not a competition.

I experienced divorce from my first husband and death from my second. I never cried when our divorced was finalized. I was angry because I raised my four children by myself. He was alive and I had no desire to be around him and that was by choice. I loved my second husband so much more. He always said "He got the best part of me." I felt the same way. There is no comparison.

I also have had both.....I was much younger with 3 children under 5 when I was divorced and thought my life was over. Then I met my husband, and my life was forever changed for the better. Both were very painful, and I agree with BandiBlue.....it's not a competition. As for my husband's sudden death 2 1/2 years ago, I can really relate to what Truhal wrote.....we died, and I lived on...well said, and yes, pain is pain!

Even one death cannot "compare" to another.

I've had someone make the same comparison to me, and it made me angry at the time. I wish I could have had Truhal's response. That was very well said truhal.

Shortly after my husband died, a co-worker said that we were going through the same things, as her husband was divorcing her. Now, two years later, she came up to me and apologized. She said, "I was wrong. My sister just lost her husband and my divorce is nothing compared to what you both are going through." It meant a lot to me that she recognized it and apologized.

And, again, shortly after my husband died, his brother told me that he was getting a divorce. I said, "I'm sorry". His reply was, "I am almost giddy!" That made me feel really bad. Another marriage is being lost and all he had to say was he was "giddy:? I know there is pain either way. I just wish still had Rich here to yell at or find out how he's doing, or even win him back. But, that is not going to happen.

Truhal, your response really hit home with me. Thank you.

P.S. I never yelled at Rich. I would just like the opportunity to do it if it ever came up. :)

I've had both also. When I divorced, I was hurt but I was so mad at my ex I didn't want to ever see him again. When my husband died, I would give anything to see him again and I know it's not possible. Also, I didn't share 41 years of my life with my ex but I did with my husband and that makes a BIG difference.

You are all right with your comments here....divorce is a choice. Death is not.

i have been through both as well. the actual pain of the death of my husband was definately harder and like everyone says something i wont "get over" but the divorce was harder in a different way. mine hit me in a "loss of confidence way" more as a negative perception of myself , a rejection . i know my husband who passed loved me and it is more of a deep deep loss rather than a negative image of myself. so like someone before said it is really apples and oranges.

having been through both, for me - the death of my spouse has been far worse. The joy of life living with the one I loved so deeply is gone forever.

can't speak of a divorce because I was only married to one man and he died. Atleast people can choice if they divorce to get back with their divorced spouse. but once our spouse has died we don't get second chances with them. marriages end because of most time because one spouse if not both get tired of the marriage or whatever the situation was. But most of the time the other spouse is pointing and blaming the other spouse for the wrong doing in the marriage. the difference with divorce and death ,divorce you often blame someone else for the wrong doing in the marriage but in death of spouse you may blame yourself for why your spouse died. going through divorce you may both work and fight over who is getting the house or the car or the kids etc but still someone has to move out. In death. you are it. complete loss of all spouse income, your with your spouse one moment making plans living life and the next thing you are doing is making funeral arrangements.

Even though I have never been through a divorce, and so blessed to be married 38yrs to my soul mate. My opinion is that death is much worse, because they are gone forever. A divorce my be very painful, but at least that person is still alive & whether good or bad relationship afterwards, you can still contact them....

a lot of people are plain mean when it comes to divorce -nasty. fighting over material things. one of my sisters went thru 2 divorces and another sister went thru 1 and my brother is working on his 2nd divorce. 3 of my cousins that are siblings , 2 of them have been divorced once and their brother is going thru his 3rd divorce and an uncle 5 times divorce ( one of the wives he was married to twice). I have seen all them fight and fuss over crap that didn't amount to anything but they all made it through some of them were already shacked up with the next soon to be spouse before the divorce was over. Out of all the above listed I was the only one that had been married once and was still married and infact the longest almost 19 years. I am the only widow out of me ,my siblings and cousins. they never had too go thru any of this bury their first love and the only spouse they ever had.