I cannot seem to get a grip on anything! He was always here to get me through thick and thin. Now I am so alone. I am afraid of having to make financial decisions. I can't enjoy even the simplest of things without feeling guilt. I can't understand why I have been given this huge emptyness to bear. I can't get anything done because EVERYTHING reminds me of him and his not being here. I can't seem to get housework or yardwork done because I am too exhausted. And I have a hard time even caring about any of it. I have no desire to ever list or sell another house. But what will I do? I can't commit to anything because I never know what little thing will reduce me to tears. I want to take my entire family and bundle them close to me and not see them struggle anymore. I am so afraid of this change and the loss of "us". I try to convince myself that he is in a better place, but that's such a slap in the face because I am not better for it. This grief journey is so very cruel to all of us, as all we ever did was love so unconditionally. And this is our price to pay for that? I don't know what I believe anymore or what I should believe anymore? It all seems like such a lie! What if I never find the answers? I want to load this grief crap up and give it to someone or something that has more strength than I do. I want to run away from it. No, I want to run into his arms so he can help me through this. I need to find my strenght again, but I don't want to be strong anymore. I want him to take care of me. I am so sorry for being so negative, I just needed to vent. Hugs and Love, Michele