Pat,

I had the same experience the other day when I went to a concert that my wife and I had planned on attending together. We saw the ad several months ago before my wife died of cancer on the first of April.

What kept me together was to recall her reactions to other events we shared. At intermission or during the performance, I would always ask, "Are you enjoying it?" and she would smile (I so miss her smile) and often say "I love it!" with all the enthusiasm of a child at Disneyland. I remember her facial expressions and the tone of her voice from those many events we shared together. It is this memory I turn to in order to keep the tears at bay.

I have such mixed thoughts about what I believe (especially at 4:30 in the AM). But I really think that we shared the experience. We send good thoughts to our loved ones when they are alive (e.g. thinking of them when they are taking a test or are interviewing for a job). We do this as well as saying a prayer. I still try to share my good thoughts to my wife and ask for her help when the pain comes.

This is a long way around to say that you are sharing it with him He lives in you. You know what would make him happy and that did not change. You know for a fact that he would enjoy seeing his grandchildren on stage. You can easily imagine how proud he would be. Knowing a person so well is still sharing, even if it feels one sided.
And, since he loved you so much, he takes pleasure in the fact that you are enjoying yourself at the dance performance. We cannot do anything for our loved ones now, except to try to be happier (note I did not say that we should be happy. that's too much to ask). For we know that, in this life, their happiness was tied to ours. That has not changed.

I wish you nothing but great joy at the next dance performance. Think of how pleased Bill will be seeing you smile and losing yourself in the moment.

Take care,

tom

Dear Pat, I am sorry that you feel so bad, when you can be happy, even momentarily. Please don`t feel guilty about it either, do you really think that you are truly alone in this? I am sure as I am sitting here that your Bill can and is looking in on you and your beloveds. Can you at times feel a wisper on your neck, a soft breeze in your hair, a part of nature that speaks just to you? There are signs from our loved ones for us to see if we pay attention to the beautiful world around us.
I hope that you think about going to your family thing, take the spirit and stories of Bill with you and share them, and he will be there with all of you. Don`t be afraid to talk about him, others will want to if they think it won`t upset you. God bless.. G-

Pat,

I can so relate to all you have written.

My advice although might seem a bit nuts to some? Tell him ALL about EVERYTHING!! I always did. There were many mnay mnay times and still will be when I just want to share a moment with him...so I DO. i write to him, I talk to his picture, to the sky, whatever the mood strikes at the time, and really BELIVE he hears me when I do. I belive your sweet husband does every time you speak. i think they know it all. When we are hopeful, sad, mad, and anything inbetween as well as sometimes YES JOYFUL!!!

Greg died in Feb 2011 and in june his neice (our neice) was getting nmarried. Like your husband, he was ALL ABOUT family. He even wanted to schedule treatments AROUND that wedding as he was looking so forward to it! The LAT thing I wanted to do was to go to a wedding so soon after I lost him, but I did go. And felt like it was FOR and with him!!! I DID feell him there and felt proud that I went to represent him there. Was HARD, but glad I did it. I hope that gives you a bit of encouragement to be able to do this occasion with family that he so wanted to be at too. and if you do decide to go, he'll KNOW you did.

And your memories will NEVER fade my friend. but they will in time be something to smile at, as well as the tears now and then too.

HUGS to you Diane

G

I do talk to him sometimes and I am sure he does listen but I wouldl give anything to be able to have a conversation with him again.
I have not had any signs from him much as I would like to have but maybe someday

I am going to do my best to go on the family holiday but right now things change from day to day so I cant be sure

Hugs Pat

My suggestion would be try writting him in your journal. I had a notebook, used the jounnal section of DS, and wrote some on Word to keep. Of cource I still have the hard copy notebook. It worked for me and also gave me a measurement on my progress. We all are in various stages of our grief. Different things work for each of us. It's a process, Pat, and not a pleasant one. Just admit your feelings and most important take care of you. The most important person is you. Sharon

Pat,

I agree with all of the comments here. I type like mad, and cry like it too, whenever I have something really important to say to Darrell, beginning each entry as "My Dearest Darling Darrell..." I also talk to him and share events with him, just like we used to. You are absolutely spot on about wishing he could talk back - me too. But, I do believe Darrell hears me and gives me signs to let me know. I talk to him all day long, and everywhere (although, so far, I've tried to be discreet). I'm thinking I'd better get a dog or a cat, so the neighbors will think I'm talking to the pet and won't think I've totally lost it...

Hugs to you,

Terry

I talk to him all day long. And, I keep a journal that is mostly addressed to him.

Although I know it's NOT the same as Stan being here with me and interacting---adding to the conversation----I also talk to Stan, write to him,-----by journaling Dear Stan letters, comments out loud, and in my mind. There isn't a moment when I wouldn't love to have him here, but since he can't be, this is the best I can do. I will be the first to admit I don't know the in's and out's of the operational systems in heaven. I do feel that that when they see our struggles, our anguish, our deep pain and sorrow it's from an eternal perspective----the big picture. My littlest granddaughter nearly 5 months old----I think she knows her Grandpa Stan just as the others who were born when he was still on this earth. It gives me comfort and comfort is a valuable commodity nowadays.

I feel your pain and sorrow, please know that-----hugs to you, Sallie