well I don't think you ever stop thinking about your late spouse and I don't think anyone completely "heals" in the sense you are never the same again.

looking at your profile you are still very early in your grief journey and I think you will find the answers to your own questions - I don't anyone can say for anyone else.

But as said the answers for you will become clearer - even if that answer is "not yet".

I can't answer for me. It has been 2 years for me and I am no where ready. i cringe at the thought. My friend however at her 4 1/2 year mark said she just woke up one day and said I want to be happy again. She went on a web site met a guy and they have been together now for 8 months. She also has stayed away from her "single" friends during this process. She is very happy with her new life. I'm happy for her but it is not for me yet. I'm still not comfortable being me as a widow.

I thought I wanted to date right away just to have someone in my life but that doesn't work. In the almost 2 years since my husband has been gone I went out 2 times with different men. They were not for me. I felt worse after the date and missed my husband even more. I can't say for sure I even want anyone now. Sure I'd like to be with someone but ...............I'd rather have my husband, I don't know if anyone can take his place. I think it just has to happen when its time.

I'm just about at 17 months losing my husband. Women I've kept in track with during our husbands illness of prostate cancer and their passing, several of them have moved on either with marriage or dating. Some about 6 months later...I think its a personal choice and only you can find that answer to when. I did try a dinner date a yr. after my husband passed, but I knew then I wasn't ready for anything more....Is there a right time, again its a personal choice...I know our husbands and wives would want us to carry on and enjoy what life has to offer....

Its almost 5 months for me. I have "talked" to a few men. And found out where they are coming from. No one interesting enough. I figure when I come across someone that interests me, I will find out more. I have a 3 month rule. They all scurry off when they find that out, usually within a week. lol... Therefore I know what they really are looking for, which I am not...lol!!!!!!

When I do find someone willing to wait 3 months, I will consider it. But not before 3 months. After all, it was 10 months with my husband, and he stayed. But my rule then, was a year....lol

I think acurio's response reflects how I feel about this.

It is time to date when you feel in your heart you have accepted your life is now yours, not ours. When you know you are loved and love this man who is physically gone and yet its time to live again with and without a partner. When you know who you are and what you want and deserve only someone who you want to be with and loves you as you deserve. Time is not measured in months or years but in growth of working through your grief and coming through it now as Mrs...., but as you. Sharon

Typo on that last line
Coming through it not as Mrs......but who you are. Sharon

I think I will know when it's time. First I plan to make new friends that I can do things with, and then later at some unknown point I will go to the next level. Right now I couldn't even guess when that might be.

Best wishes, Russ

When I find someone who's willing to have dinner at 4 p.m..... I work baker's hours, at work at 4 a.m. Ok, so that was said somewhat jokingly - I think it's when your gut says it's ok, without saying..."I should be..". And my other question to you is - are you asking when it's time to think of a relationship, or just going out for dinner, etc? Two different animals.

I think it's a personal choice. I just passed 4 months and I'm not even thinking about it. I had someone ask me out 2 weeks after. It was disgusting. You would think people would have respect but they don't. I'm being safe doing things with my family and a few close friends. I live in a small community and there is no one I would even consider thinking about dating or just going out to dinner with.
I think you will know when it's time by listening to what your heart is trying to tell you.

redmachine... and watch out, they think widows are "hot to trot"... lol

I had a guy knock at my door the day after the funeral, ask me to marry him.... duh.... (musta thought he had life insurance).... lol

I think some widows or widowers may think more about looking for another spouse if they are fairly young and if they still may want to have more children or be in a sexual relationship. I have also heard in posts about people getting involved too quickly with a new spouse (like what we used to call the rebound). I think all of this depends on age and circumstances, but I really think it is about how you FEEL when you meet the right person, and that might not happen soon. Some of us are going to be just fine with that. Hope that helps, Vicki

I've been approached about dating and sexual relationships. It would be nice to have both with the right person. The ones who approached me were not the right one ;) so I just wondered if I'm not ready. I don't count the time, but watch my spiritual and emotional growth. I do know however that if I do find someone I am interested in, it probably won't start out pretty because death left a raw nerve exposed. I had a very good marriage in which I trusted my husband and we knew each other very well, so we took care of each other. Someone else won't know these things and I realize I will have to be careful. I pray that God shoes me how to take care of myself in this area of my life.

I tend to agree with Vicki, age and circumstances are important factors. When young, it is understandable that one would want to rebuild and resume a 'normal' life maybe more rapidly than older people, naturally more cautious. There is no right or wrong, just personal choices but we must always make sure not to put ourselves in danger, emotional or otherwise.

As for me, I will leave it to fate. I am not ready to seek or meet anyone, but I am ready to venture out to widen my social circle.

Sandee, you make me laugh, the only hot, hot, hot widow I know is La Veuve Clicquot. ;)