Yes I am in the same predicament. My husband was able to do anything. We never hired help. I finally got up enough courage to ask a neighbor to help me string the weedeater. " I don't know how to do that" was his reply. I work in Maintenance Department and in the beginning all of the guys were like "if you need anything let me know" It is amazing how busy they have all become when i finally did ask for help. So I totally get your so mad and sad at life. I am thankful that Jim was able to do things so some how by watching him I am doing things I never thought I could. Google and youtube have helped tremendoulsy. Learning to change up my budget so that if there is something I can not do, I will at least be able to pay someone and know to check prices as not to get gouged. Take care-- Kim

Thanks Kim, I fortunately learned to do a lot of things myself as my husband was in the military and deployed a lot.... and will google like mad to figure out how to get that release bearing fixed. Also only have one salary now, so yes, money is tight, so I must just learn to do more things myself. Hugs and strength

I am 9 years out. When Tim died, I went to our local builders supply store and bought a book on how to fix things. Anything not house-related I used U-Tube for. The things that I didn't have the
physical strength to do, I had to hire out. Once in a great while I would ask my grown son for help but I kept that to a minimum because after Tim died, his wife accused me of trying to
break up their marriage (the thought had never crossed my mind). Sometimes I would fall to my hands and knees and cry "I can't do this!", but no one saw. We really have to get tougher when our loves die. It's kind of a shame. Take care
Dianne

Oh how I can relate! I have a grown son who lives at home (he's in graduate school), a son-in-law and several brothers. I still really hesitate to ask for help as I am at the mercy of their schedules and it's ok, but not what I'm used to. My husband took care of Everything as he was retired and very talented with so many things. I never even had to put gas in my car. I'm getting better at asking but hate being in this position. I had a flat fixed for the first time myself this week. Not easy but just part of our lives now. Hang in.

As I have stated in many of my earlier posts, people will always promise you the world after you lose someone. Somehow when decide to put your pride away and ask for help all the excuses come out. I have been hurt by neighbors and friends. My favorite story regarding this was the day after my husband's service I woke up to someone pounding on my front door. It turned out to be a neighbor, fairly new who I had only seen in passing. She starting yelling at me about how one of my sprinkler heads was broken and spilling water into her new pool. I have never been one short on words but just stood there taking her abuse not knowing what to do. Finally I asked her if her husband would be able to come over and look at it as I didn't even know how to turn on the sprinklers. I told her my husband had just died she immediately asked how. Why I even answered that question is beyond me, I was still in shock. She told me she was sorry and asked were any of the neighbors helping me, I guess she forgot she was a neighbor. She told me her her husband was working that day but she would have him come around after work. Well, I never saw her or her husband again. I called a gardener and got it fixed. I no longer depend on anyone. I have fixed many of things looking on youtube and I have a wonderful neighbor who has helped me with a few things. I am moving closer to my brother who told me he would help me with anything but he also has his own life so I told him not to be surprised if I hire someone to help. The betrayal hurts, I say let it out and move on. This is when you will really find out who values you and it is hard thing to view sometimes but it is life.

My husband did everything too. he was kind enough to teach me all he could before he died. he was handicapped so wasn't able to help, but would walk me through it if he could. haven't had to ask for help yet so I don't know how that will work out

My husband died five years ago leaving me alone to raise three little children. I would get the same empty offers for help. I turned it into a comedy show by telling them I might have to take them up on their offer for help. Immediately their tone changed and they suddenly become too busy. This shows someone's true character. My husband did everything so I have made trips to Home Depot on my own and watched you tube vidoes. I have learned a lot and I contract out work that is physically strenuous. My family helps out a lot but I don't like asking for help unless I really need to.

I understand, my husband fixed everything for me, even when he'd be gone to fires all summer, he'd joke at work how long his honey do list was getting. His best friend told me if I needed anything done, just call, so when day I went to visit him and his wife and I mentioned to her that I was going to call her husband to teach me how to run a drill. She looks at me and states " Well you can find that on YouTube" !! Wow, message received and then some. Before I left he asked me if I n anything done, I looked at her as he's hugging me and said no I have YouTube and left. I know that if he knew she had said that to me, he'd be very upset with her, but I'm better than that.

Like most of the previous replies, I'm right there with you, with an exception. The night of my husband's memorial, I was telling one of his closest friends that my hedges were growing into my mailbox , and I was afraid that the mailman would stop delivering my mail. I used to have a pair of manual hedge trimmers, but they've gone missing. He promised me that he would come over the next week and take care of that for me. I never heard from him. Meanwhile, another of my husband's best friends came over and helped me with so many things including trimming that hedge back from the mailbox. He's been a godsend. Today, I saw the original friend , and he asked me if I ever had my yard work taken care of. I told him that Jeff had taken care of it for me, but couldn't help but wonder how in the world he could've made a promise like that and never even called me. Everyone knows we are all alone. How can they make promises like that and just blow them off like it's no big deal? Everyone is busy with their own lives , I know that. But please, don't offer if you can't fulfill your promises. It makes those of us who are already so vulnerable feel like beggars. Lord knows, we have enough problems already.

You are definetely not alone. So hard to be at the mercy of others, or not have anyone. I always says, to have faith, in knowing, our loves know our needs, eventhough they are not with us. I believe they can help guide people into our lives, to help us for whatever reason or means. A season, reason or a lifetime. No such thing as chance meetings, either. Much love and hugs carla

I am going to turn this subject around a little bit. I know this is not my post. I was the husband did everything for my wife. Through the many years of being a homeowner I mastered plumbing, electrical, carpentry and just about everything you name it. When something happened around the house and needed to be fixed and it was important to my wife, I look forward to the challenge and the kiss that came behind it. Basically what I'm trying to say is all those things that I did was four my wife I just learned that lately. Now, I don't care about anything, I don't care what breaks, I don't care what things look like, it all means nothing to me! As far as all the things that we did for our wives, to fix things, all the honeydews, make them feel safe and appreciated, I so totally understand your loss of security and comfort. It's no doubt in my mind that you had great husbands. I would give my right arm to do one more honey do for Tracy. It really hurts both ways. I'm not very good with words but when I read your post, my eyes just start to water because I know my beautiful wife depended on me as you depended on your husband. Dave

Hi, I can definitely relate, since I was married for over 30 years. Before I married, I had an apartment and I never really dealt with all of the house stuff....................I just called the superintendent! My husband took care of most of the things around the house...............even when I asked him to show me how, he wouldn't. He would just say "That's what you've got me for." I think it made him feel needed to know I needed him to do stuff but it really wasn't terribly helpful after he died.

Anyway, in the past year I have figured out how to do a few things........................YouTube is a very useful tool!! Try it: Do a search on whatever it is you need to learn how to do and you might be surprised at what you can do if you have to.

Sylvia

I can relate, my husband of 10 years died six months ago and his best friends all have said, if you need anything just let me know, normally they are true to their word, but lately it is becoming less and less, so i have hired people then i get why did you do that, i would have helped. In all honesty though, it is hard for me to ask, my husband was very hard on me to learn things, think he prepared me for this in his own weird way...so i do the google and utube searches and then i will ask those male friends if this is true, normally i get help that way. i have had to hire some people for some things. it does suck. i understand why you are mad, i get mad everytime something breaks i immediately want to ask my late husband how to fix it, he is not there so i get angry, yell at him, cuss, then i normally feel better. i know he is looking down at me and laughing.

I know exactly what you mean , My husband had so many friends say that they would help finish a cabin that he was building , they didn't so I mortgaged the house to finish it . Then of course everyone judged me for mortgaging the house ? Anyhow I have learned how to string the weed eater and I even changed the kitchen and bathroom faucets ! I cussed my husband the whole time because he should have changed them years ago ....but when I was done ....I felt such a sense of pride ,my husband would have been so proud . He would have laughed at me too though . But I am stronger ,I get stronger every time I do something he used to do ,and I feel closer to him ,closer to knowing who he was because he never got upset even when things broke or he was having a hard time . I'm trying to be as easy going as he was.