Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Is the companionship, sharing a joke, being cherished and appreciated, being two and not being taken care of. We were married for 40 years and I would have happily continued for another 40 years.
My darling husband died 3 months and 3 days ago. It was sudden and unexpected. He did not know he was going to die and nor did I. We never said our goodbyes and I feel very sad about this. I am pleased to have found this support group because most people out there do not understand my grief. Many feel I should have recovered by now but as you know, three months is such a short time. In these past three months I had to learn fast how to deal with all the admin that a death entail - insurance, pensions, tax, etc it has been a real learning curve.
Like many of you some of my "friends" have vanished from day 1, some right after the funerals but bizarrely I am not feeling resentful because the one who are still around have shown how much they valued my friendship. Waste of time and energy to contact people who do not want to know.
I hope there will be light at the end of that long black tunnel and just reading your various comments has shown me that I am not alone.
Thank you. Papagena.
My darling husband died 3 months and 3 days ago. It was sudden and unexpected. He did not know he was going to die and nor did I. We never said our goodbyes and I feel very sad about this. I am pleased to have found this support group because most people out there do not understand my grief. Many feel I should have recovered by now but as you know, three months is such a short time. In these past three months I had to learn fast how to deal with all the admin that a death entail - insurance, pensions, tax, etc it has been a real learning curve.
Like many of you some of my "friends" have vanished from day 1, some right after the funerals but bizarrely I am not feeling resentful because the one who are still around have shown how much they valued my friendship. Waste of time and energy to contact people who do not want to know.
I hope there will be light at the end of that long black tunnel and just reading your various comments has shown me that I am not alone.
Thank you. Papagena.
My husband of 45 yrs died about 3 1/2 months ago...also suddenly and unexpectedly. I relate to most of your experience. It is HARD.
I have kids, grandkids, and close friends who are in and out frequently just as before...we are continuing our lives as much and as normally as possible. This is what "Pop" would expect and wish. :-)
I live alone...but am lonely ONLY for my husband. I am not 'lonely' for "just any company"....and I don't want 'pity calls nor visits'. If I decide I want company, I am abundantly able to phone someone or go out and join others. :-)
My husband and I were together since we were 19...best friends, business-partners, parents...always individual-persons, but we enjoyed each other.
I find I most miss...just HIM. Our conversations about everything imaginable...some not imaginable. And I miss LAUGHING. We found humor in the most unlikely things...and we laughed so much. Even yet, I almost jump up to tell him a joke I just read on-line...or want to share something "silly" that would be funny only to "us". I've discovered that real belly-laughter isn't a one-person endeavor. I chuckle or giggle...but I MISS LAUGHING.
And I miss his hugs. I would trade-my-soul for just one more of his wonderful hugs.
When I now hear news of someone we knew...[at my age, it's mostly 'death notices']... I have nobody to share it with....and reminisce.
This "shared history" is something I never anticipated being such a "hole".
I now live alone and I find it hard that there is ever anyone expecting me or welcoming me. Lots of tears. But a day at the time.
I really do appreciate your replies. It makes me feel better.
Coming home with my husband not here...was a BIGGIE. It still isn't "OK"...but I'm adjusting.
Another BIGGIE was mornings. My husband always got up first and had coffee made...and the fire built up and cosy in the fireplace.
The first morning I arose to no coffee and the fire just embers, I sobbed and shrieked to his 'box" [of cremains/ashes]... "Would it have KILLED you to put a log on the fire...?!!!
Then I started laughing. I know he was laughing too. :-)
I just figured out how to play thr DVD player, still can't figure out how to delete the stuff he has on Satilite inn my room. got it moved from his room to mine... but....can't hook up the surround sound or the stereo... the kids got us new TV for christmas, before we got it set up, he went to hosp on Jan 2nd. then us running to and fro, then his funeral.......
now wth the kids yardwork, opening their pools..grandkids sports.... they really don't have time to mess with it now.
I miss coming home to him after work.....looking forward to weekends and being with him 24/7 instead of dreading them like I do now.....having someone to cook for.......having a PURPOSE.....watching him interact with our two Maine Coon kittens that he only got to see for a month and a half......having him thank me for every little thing I did for him.....hearing him say "I love you"......running my fingers through his hair or scratching his back.....having someone to talk with that truly cared about me.....Just having him in the house with me was enough for me.....
My husband and I love opera so I still go on my own. However, the last two operas I saw, I cried so much - not because of the operas although they were sad enough stories but because my darling husband was not with me holding my hand. People sitting next to me noticed I was crying a lot but did not comment but must have thought I was too emotional to sit through an opera and that maybe I should just go and see comedies. (Victor and I would have laughed).
I just miss him.