My husband was a horder of sorts so I need to do a clean too but I am not ready for a huge one. I am taking a few things at a time. Basement if first and I have someone coming Thursday to sort through his hobby items. What a mess this all is.

I know at some point I will have to part with his clothes....just not now. The last pair of pants he wore are still hanging on the end of the bed....just can't move them.

I did go with my widowed friend one house down to take some of her things to their storage unit....stopped and got a cold drink, but I did get out of the house when all I wanted to do was crawl up on the sofa.

This is just too hard......

((((mat)))) I feel exactly the same way...hardest thing I have ever been through.

((((dianm))))....I just want him BACK!!!! How many years do I have to endure this awful, numbing pain?!

Right now, do everything in small steps - "baby steps" - no big decisions, no major clear outs, just take it all a little at a time. I recognized that I needed to take care of me because I didn't want Cliff's legacy to the world to be that his death destroyed me. That's not what I want him remembered for. There is a real strong probability your loved ones would not want that either, so take care of what was precious to them - you.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I've been watching the FlyLady on YouTube and found her to be a bit of a help. Larry Winget can help with motivation as well but be warned, he's not a warm fuzzy guy.

Martha, how long has it been for you?

My husband passed almost 8 years ago and I still miss him, but I also have moved through the loss and live a full and active life. It took me a long time, in my opinion, to discover that I had the right to be happy. It took even longer to find "what " would allow me to be happy. In the beginning all I could focus on was my loss of everything. That's natural. The baby steps have meaning, as does getting through the day one at a time. We are forever changed, but that doesn't mean we can't find laughter and enjoy the life we have. Sharon

I want so bad to enjoy life again, but at this point I don't think it will ever happen! You have given me hope for the future, so thank you!,

missing my better half and thinking deep thoughts ...

http://www.firstthings.com/article/2015/03/the-two-shall-become-one-flesh-reclaiming-marriage-2

I lost Cliff in November 2007, so it has been roughly 7 years and 4 months since he died.

I have rebuilt my life, and it is good. I remarried 4.5 years ago, to a widower I met here in this group, and I live in England now. I stayed to help others, and have been a Community Leader for our group since March 2011. Sharon and Marsha (Shrn and marjoe), my co-CLs, are also several years out.

Nothing in my life looks like it did before Cliff died. Sharon put it succinctly - "my loss of everything." But I found my way through it, and rebuilt my life. It wasn't simple, and it wasn't easy, but it has definitely been worth it. I can look back now and see how far I have come, and what I come through, too. I would have missed so very much if I had given up.

Not all of life's surprises are bad surprises. That's one of the things I had to re-learn. But it is true.

Give yourself the wiggle room to do nothing. Sometimes you need to do nothing. Give yourself small goals to accomplish, and then celebrate each small accomplishment. Your strength will return in small bits and pieces, and eventually you will be amazed at what you have come through and what you have accomplished.

Don't be too hard on yourself. No one ever got the "Widowhood 101" class. I always wondered why it was I could get pre-natal classes when I had my babies, but there was nothing to prepare me for losing their father - no "pre-mortal classes." We all have to find our way in our own ways, I guess, but luckily we can at least help each other here with feedback and ideas. Hang in there....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Martha said it very well. Then I figured ...there has to be a Widowhood 101 and I found this, maybe it will be a help to someone else:
http://thehoopla.com.au/widowhood-101/

Stunningly perfect is all I can say about the article. And, the pictures also perfect.

She captured my feelings exactly!!!! Thank you so much for sharing it.

No, other than watching my mother [who remained expressionless for the 10 years she survived him] and my aunt [who was put into a mental institution for one year after the death of my uncle], I really never witnessed how to do "widowhood"!

I married when I was 19 years old. I don't know what life is without a partner in it. I'm wandering the plains [like a mama lion] without my man and it feels so wrong!!!

Roz