Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
A good friend of mine who went through this journey 5 years ago has been helping me immensely. She suggested I make a list of all the things I missed about my Lil Bear. My original list was over a hundred long. The she told me to make a version with no more than 50 items. Then she said to make a list of ten. It was one of the hardest things I had done because I had to relive the memories in order to pare it down to 10, but in the end I felt good, focused on the things that were unique and joyful about our lives. I share it here with you (and encourage at least those of you in the early stage, like me, to try it).
I miss our waking up at 6:30am and snuggling under the covers till 7, every day.
I miss dancing in the kitchen.
I miss your praise, your encouragement and your understanding.
I miss the privilege of treating you like a queen on Mothers day and your birthday.
I miss spending the day fishing on some shore with you, whether we caught fish or not.
I miss having someone finish my sentences for me.
I miss getting to make you happy and not having to worry about my happiness.
I miss taking care of you, and you taking care of me.
I miss your laugh, your smile, your hugs, your kisses.
I miss you, I miss us, I miss me
I miss our waking up at 6:30am and snuggling under the covers till 7, every day.
I miss dancing in the kitchen.
I miss your praise, your encouragement and your understanding.
I miss the privilege of treating you like a queen on Mothers day and your birthday.
I miss spending the day fishing on some shore with you, whether we caught fish or not.
I miss having someone finish my sentences for me.
I miss getting to make you happy and not having to worry about my happiness.
I miss taking care of you, and you taking care of me.
I miss your laugh, your smile, your hugs, your kisses.
I miss you, I miss us, I miss me
--I miss being so connected with someone that a look can convey a complete conversation and he can finish my sentences
--I miss holding each other in bed each night and giggling over stories about what the kids did or said that day
--I miss having a sounding board when I have a big decision to make
--I miss that smile that preceded the sentence "You're way too good for me"
--I miss having someone tell me I'm full of shit when I know I am,but just need to hear it outloud
--I miss having someone to surprise with a special gift found on a trip, the perfect card, a phone call in the middle of the day to say, "I love you"
--I miss the way people looked at us walking hand in hand and smiled---and knowing they recognized what we shared.
--I miss an email in the middle of a bad day that made me smile.
--I miss my best friend.....
- Having her to cuddle with in bed, in spite of getting shoved away for sweating all over her.
- Having her to go on walks with.
- Having someong to figure out what to cook for dinner and trying to impress her with my kitchen or BBQ skills. :^)
- Having her here to finally enjoy the time we had to ourselves. Now it's just time completely alone.
Chris
whenever i am down i come here and always come with the intent of journaling but i always check the posts first. i saw this one and was deeply moved. My favorite line " I miss you, I miss us, I miss me...". This really hit me because you summed it all up in the one line. I wonder when life will continue and i won't feel as if i am floating trying to fake it through without him.
any-who-ha, thank you for your post i will write my list tonight and remember my boogly bear and all the wonderful things he brought to me.
take care
I would rather not be here to remember, but I have no choice, but it is still just way too hard. To look at his pictures.....it is just way too hard. I am utterly and completely heartbroken. Even after almost 7 months I am not ready now, nor will I ever be ready to accept his death...it is just way too hard. I can only speak for myself in saying that down the road in how ever many years that I am still here it would be a torment for me to remember his face, his embrace, his smile, his laugh ,when we made special dinners together,when we used to be able to hug one another the nights before he went for surgery or for treatments, when we babysat our grandsons together. The fact we will never be together to watch our only granddaughter grow up. I am not ready for that nor will I ever be ready. Once my heart was torn in a million pieces, you just can't put that back together.
God bless and (((hugs))) to you,
ReneeArose
I CAN ANSWER WHAT THE TOP ONE WOULD BE, BECAUSE IT IS STILL THE HARDEST PART. THAT IS THAT WHEN GETTING IN BED AT NIGHT AND I WOULD ALWAYS SLEEP WITH MY FACE IN HIS CHEST, AND THERE WAS ALWAYS THAT WONDERFUL MOMENT WHERE I WAS INTENSELY AWARE OF JUST HOW SAFE I FELT THE SECOND MY FACE TOUCHED HIS SKIN. I MISS THAT MOMENT EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
JUDI
1. Hearing you play the guitar
2. dancing in the street.
3. having dinner with you.
4. laughing with you...a lot.
5. hearing you breath wile you are sleeping
6. finding the toilet seat up...
7. having you tell me what a great dinner I made.
8. seeing you hold your babies.
9 hearing you tell me that you love me.
10 The familiar sound of you opening the door and yelling "I'm back".
Kaaren
2. Him walking up the stairs with roses
3. The way he would touch his right index finger to mine when we were just sitting on the couch
4. His singing in my ear while we slow danced in the living room
5. His white work truck pulling in the driveway
6. His workboots by his chair
7. His barbecued steak
8. His math skills
9. His ability to make me feel better in any situation
10. His gift of being a wonderful father and husband
I miss the random cell phone calls throughout the day
I miss our sunset walks around the marina
I miss jumping into the boat and fishing
I miss feeling safe and cared for
I miss a reason to cook and clean
I miss putting my head on his lap at night watching tv and him saying "now that's what I'm talking about".
I miss the goodnight kiss and
I miss spooning
I miss saying and hearing "I love our life"
I miss Rob always and forever.
Donna
Just some things I miss....
I miss holding hands
I miss a loving touch or caress
I miss snuggling on the couch watching an old movie on TCM
I miss having someone to talk to during dinner
I miss being special to some one
I miss......you