Thanks to all of you who have replied. I find it very interesting all the different thoughts and visions people have. I really believe it is all in the mind of the individual. For myself, it is 8 months today my wife passed away. One day is seems like an eternity and the next day like it just happened. BUT, as Barb so very well put it, that road is closed ... time to find a new venture in life and go for it. I'm pretty comfortable with how things are now and went on my 1st date on Saturday. It went very well and am both excited/looking forward to more dates. Another very good point ... you CANNOT compare any future person in your life to your spouse. If you do, you'll never make it. Each person must be on their own merits both good and bad. It's a whole new ballgame and you have to play by new rules. Swing away and see where it may lead you. If you aren't willing to strike out you aren't ready. However, you could also hit that grandslam ... up to you.

Hi everyone
I also have tried sites like plentyoffish and some other free ones but to be honest they have a lot of scammers on there because they are free. One I joined a few weeks back was widowdating.co.uk they have a huge database of widowers and single people in the UK only. They do charge but they are very cheap and to be honest they dont have that many scammers and if you find one you can report them with a click of a button. They have a lot of features on the site including instant chat where I have made many new friends. The only down side is you cant get to speak to other women but I know they are working on a whole load of new features this month so maybe they will sort that out. Hope that helps

I have several friends who have tried different dating sites, some successful some not. Not sure I am ready to through myself out there. I have come in contact with several of my old high school classmates on Facebook. 2 of them male & single, and they both suggested getting together for a bite or coffee to just catch up. They have both been divorced, I told them I was widowed, my husband was in a fatal car accident. Their comments were wow I am so sorry, better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I try to be very cautious how much I speak of my husband so they don't get freaked out. Of course they both stood me up. So I think the fear of a widow/widower goes both ways. They don't understand us. I almost feel like damaged goods. I wish you all the best in your getting out there.

Thanks to all for their replies. If those so called friends stood you up ... better for you to know it know then later. Good riddance. I must admit, match.com has worked the best by far for me. E harmony and chemistry are promoted a lot but nothing much there. I've met 3 ladies in the past month now and am going to meet them all. I want to be fair to all and if it doesn't work out, I hope we'll still be friends. I MUST keep reminding myself to not to compare any of these nice ladies to my late wife. I had 30 good years with Lory but I can not and will not allow myself to compare. Everybody has their own merits and good points and that's what I'm looking for now.

bruce

It will be 9 months in March since my husband passed away. I haven't figured out how to move on. I have looked at some of the sights that you have mentioned, but don't feel comfortable with them. After being married to someone since the age of 18 for 31 years, I don't even know where or how to begin. Good luck to you

I love Hooksr's response. Mine would read like this...Even though I am only 47 years old, I come with 8 children and 15 grand children...my husbands and mine and they are all mine now. Love them all...am not giving any of them up...but no... none of them live with me...

Also come with 2 cats, a home, a shop full of my husbands tools, a house full of pictures of my husband, and a life full of how my husband helped make me the person that I am today. Someday I will be buried beside my husband and I too am still wearing my wedding band. I didn't ask to be without him. Life happened that way. So now I have no one to sit and have coffee with....no one to cuddle on the couch with and sit and watch the races with..no one to dance with.

I have and will never give up my memories, but I would never look for someone to replace my husband, nor would I ever expect to replace someone's wife, or expect them to give up their memories. You cannot love someone and then erase them from your heart. I would want to hear about the love that a man shared with his wife. I'm sure it is so much a part of the man he is today and if I want to get to know him, I want to get to know the real him..not only the parts he is sure would not make someone else jealous. I am not a jealous person and no one would ever have reason to be jealous of my husband.

I am not ready to see someone yet, but some day I may be. I just want people out there to not feel like they have to hide their past relationship like there was something wrong with it.

I may just be too independent for anyone to ever want to have a relationship with me anyway. Some day I will find out. Just not yet.

Good luck to all of you that are ready. Above all else be true to yourself.

-Diana

The paid ones are kind of a scam. Sure, you can list your pictures and profile for free, but you can't send or receive any actual messages. You can send short tags. If you look at someone's profile, you are going to get a "message" but, of course, you can't answer it without signing up. Most of the "messages" are computer generated and they are just sent to get you to sign up as a featured member.

I'm not sure if there are any better or worse sites for widows in particular.

I think plentyoffish.com is a good site. It is free and you can actually send and receive messages. It is a tool. First of all, you have to be 100% honest in describing yourself. Don't get "into" sending and receiving too many messages before arranging a first, casual meeting. Maybe 2 or 3 weeks and then "take the plunge."

It's like any other type of "first date." Be careful. Be cautious. Make sure you are ready. Meet for coffee or a lite sandwich or at a bookstore or something very public. Never stay longer than 1 - 2 hours. Plenty of time for follow up -- if you make the connection.

Some of the men sounds truly nice and others totally "nuts." Don't be a fool -- no matte what your age. This is real life. Don't fall for any of the crazy ideas of "flying off in their private planes," that sort of thing.

Lots of good luck and let us know how things are going. Many of us will be ready "down the road."

I enjoy reading others thoughts and responses on this site. I'm going to cancel my chemistry.com and e harmony sites. They just don't seem to be doing much of anything. I do like match.com and plentyoffish though. There were many good thoughts in missmyhero's thoughts. My grown children and I have spread Lory's ashes as she wanted. She will always be a part of me and agree that jealousy on anybodys part just won't be acceptable. We were both very independent and did our own thing as well as many things as a couple. I've met somebody who pretty much fits what I'm looking for and have just had my 2nd date with her. Being true to yourself and to the other person is key. If you are comfortable with your situation, go for it.

I met my husband via match.com. Actually, our story was amazing how we actually met. I would give the online dating a chance- it takes a long time and will happen when it is supposed to. Because of my husband, I truly believe in love- and I firmly believe that you can have another chance at it. Match.com was a good site- it just takes time finding someone special. I'm a new widow and in no way, shape or form am I looking to go down that road. I hope someday I will be able to- but if that day comes I will look into the online dating thing again. Good luck!

It's been almost 2 years that my husband died of cancer, only 52 years old. I know I need to start thinking of getting on with my life, but I have only dated one man in my life (my husband) and its scares me to death, dont know if I even know how (lol), my first day on a support group website and so far I have felt all of the feelings. Good luck to you in your new journey.

It will be five years for me on Father's Day and I am now dating. I've tried eharmony and chemistry and both were disappointing. match.com offers lots more interaction, but I've already turned down 3 proposals via internet. Who proposes via email?!? I've seen two divorced men. Both were sympathetic, but seemed to not know what to do with fact that I love my "ex" even though I subtly helped them reconnect to the love they shared with their first wives. I loved how their eyes lit up and they seemed more alive when they remembered the love. Yet, the pain seemed to press back in and somebody had to be the bad guy. I'm looking for someone capable of carrying the love forward and leaving the baggage - be it death or divorce at the door. Even if I end up with a divorcee, I'd sure like to be able to share memories and photos with his children and those would include an ex. Can't we just celebrate that we've known love, even if it didn't last? Life has taught me that Love always finds a way and there is always plenty of room for more. I met my husband at 18 and am very inexperienced. Do you think I'm just naive?

I don't think you're naive at all. In fact, the lady I'm now seeing is very laid back and doesn't mind one bit if I mention or reference something Lory used to do. However, one must be careful to not overdo that. You are with the other person and not your late spouse. If one can't reference on occasion about your past mate, then that isn't the right person for you in my opinion. But, as I mentioned above, be aware of not falling back into how it used to be. THAT ROAD HAS CLOSED. Good luck.

I am trying several sites but no luck so far!!! I think I am just too far away here in Maun, Botswana!!!!!!!!! Love does cross borders though, so I'll keep on and maybe that someone special will show himself one day....

Good luck to you - anything happen yet???

Cheers, Gail

Oh my gosh, reading all these posts about starting over and doing the dating game really scares me. I feel like I am beginning to think about it after 2 years but I feel like alot of others. I still wear my ring. I dont like being labeled a "widow", but I dont feel single. I guess because it has been sooo long since I was single! I guess up until today I thought if God wants me to be with someone else it will happen. I dont want to have to do what I did when I was in my 20's, ugh so many losers. LOL

Sorry Bruce,

I have had horrible luck with dating sites. I only ever met one man who was a keeper but we were not wanting the same things in life. The rest were all scam artists or only after money or sex or both.

I have resigned myself to face to face contact here at home and if God never brings me anyone then oh well. There for I will not recommend any of them. Your better off concentrating on being the best you on your own and getting out there doing what you enjoy doing and maybe in the process you will find someone who shares the same interests as you.