Hi, I think that's what this site is for. Everyone has come here to vent. I come here to vent and then everyone makes me smile. I don't think you need to apologize. I'm here if you need me!

I recently had this discussion with my husband. I was very hesitant about reaching out for help because i always told myself i at least got out of the abusive relationship, there are people still going through it today. It makes it hard to believe i should complain. My husband said, do you think what happened to you was okay? I replied no. He then said, well then why would you NOT have a reason to complain. Just because someone has had it harder than you doesn't make your pain invalid. If you are upset, there is a good reason and you need to validate your own feelings. I hope things get better for you and you can always write me.... Even if you just need to swear, scream, or cry in your writing... I will always listen and care. big hugs your way. xx

What you are feeling is very normal. It is true that everyone handles things differently...and even when we try to look at the better side of things doesn't always make our pain feel less. It's ok to complain, but most people don't understand. But here we do. You can vent here anytime you feel a need to. And I feel what works for me to feel better is to answer some the posts here to make that person feel better. Helping others helps us in return. Sometimes you don't feel up to helping someone because you are so sad, and that's ok. This widow life is like a roller coaster in which some days we have strength to go on and other days we are just too drained to do anything.

I agree with the others in that you don't have to apologize or think that you are a complainer. This is what makes this site so great. You can tell it like it is and we understand. When we are feeling down there is always someone that will lend us a hand and pick us up again.....in turn we will do the same thing for others when they are having a hard time.........
We all have some of these days so vent away........hugs

"I guess if I could have one wish it would be to know for sure I was able to do some good....even if it's not for myself."

Quoting your last sentence, which to me says it all. You ARE doing some good - you're coming onto this board and sharing and that does us ALL good. I haven't done a scientific study, but I'm going to make an educated guess that 99 percent of the posts on this board are comprised of "complaints." They may be masked in humor, expressed in outright anger and/or written with shaking sobs, but very few of them are full of joy. That's why this board is here. Complaining IS one of the ways most of us vent, I think.

We're all hurting - majorly. And, we're all here for others, as well as for ourselves. I for one have no problem listening to whatever is said and in whatever manner it is said. And, if I guess correctly, no one is going to fault anyone else for that.

So, complain away, My Dear! :)

Hugs,
Terry

First of all you never ever need to apologize for anything that you feel. If you feel it, it "is" how you feel. No need to apologize "ever".

Second is sometimes...and I do not know if this is one of those times or not, our situational depression....which we all go through losing the love of our life....our other half...turns into long term clinical depression.

I cannot tell by your post if that has happened to you or not. It is so so normal to be depressed losing the love of our life. We all go through it and it is so so normal. If it turns into clinical depression so we never feel any sign of joy and it goes on and on and on, then it could have turned into clinical depression, which there are a lot of really good (mild) new medications out there for.

Because I am not a doctor, I could not advise you about this...but possibly (if you haven't done so yet) you may want to look into this. If you are already on meds for depression...sometimes our bodies change which change the effectiveness of the meds.

So...please please please never apologize for feeling a certain way. You are you and have a right to each and every feeling that you have and you have a right to be heard and heard and heard by loving people who care. This is a really really good place to come to be heard.

big hugs to you as you place one foot in front of the other.
-Diana

I took an empowerment class a couple of months ago. We had to write love letters to ourselves from our parents, telling us, how proud they were, etc. Positive affirmations are what you need right now.

There is no reason for you to feel unworthy. You are a wonderful, beautiful woman. Try and find some self help books at the library to help you get out of this funk.

Write down an affirmation that means something to you, and put it on the mirror of your bathroom, so you can repeat it, every morning.

If you can volunteer, try that. There is nothing like helping others, to make yourself feel better.

I wish you some peace and comfort.

Paula

Whatever you are feeling - you are feeling - to deny it would just bring it back to you - And thats what this DS site is all about - the venting, the complaining, the frustration, the upset, the crying, the fun things when some get together, the happy memories that make us all feel better when shared, and the support that all gives when you need to complain.

Please work on that guilt - most guilt in these circumstances are not founded - loneliness, sadness, emptiness are hard enough to face when this was not a choice that you would have made. Those are all normal feelings dealing with loss of a spouse.
Just cherish those little baby steps when you can take them they lead to the next ones and next ones...HUGS

Wow! You guys are all so nice! I can't tell you how much I appreciate your willingness to 'listen", share, and give me a boot in the butt when I need it....and I think I do need it. And, you're right! I do feel so much better thinking that something I've thought, or said, or gone through could help someone else feeling like I do, because I really don't wish this feeling on anyone else.

God Bless you all on your journey, and thanks for welcoming me to join you.

Well, as I see your post, words to describe you might be -
Honest,compassionate,polite, unselfish...... G-