The why is something we may never know. But I truly believe that God has a purpose for everything he does. Sometimes that purpose becomes clear or at least partially clear. Others are and always will be a mystery to us.

There were two terrible things that happened to our family in the two years before Stephen's illness that I couldn't see any purpose for, but have come to see that God moved us into position to better cope with what was to come.

In March 2007, Stephen's twin brother died with a heart attack. The loss of his brother made us reevaluate our lives and make the decision to sell our 130 year old home and build a new one closer to our work. If we had not done that, I could not have worked from home last year when Stephen needed me. And now that he's gone, I'm in a new home that won't need any repairs for a long time.

In August 2007, Stephen's father was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He had surgery to remove it and it was benign. But he got a post op infection and after, three excurciating months in intensive care, he died in December 2007. Before that happened, Stephen always said he wanted any extraordinary means necessary taken to keep him alive. After his father's death, he never said that again. ....and made it clear that wasn't what he wanted. It make my decision to pull life support so much easier.

I believe in my heart, that both of these deaths occurred, in part, to prepare my family for what was to come. I also believe that there were more reasons for God's decision to take them, but I may never know what they were.

I don't know why God took Stephen so young, and I wish I did. But all I have is my faith that God knows best and has a plan.

I don't know that any of this helps you, but I hope it does. God bless.

Marie...........WHY?
I have been asking that for a long long time.
My wife was a very good person she got along with most everyone she made friends very easy and would do most anything for them.
But not only did she die at a young age of 42 she had to suffer with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) for the last few years of her life.

Sometimes all I can think about is why is their so many bad dishonest people that only think of how to hurt others and take as much as they can for their self. but yet it seems they live forever.
I just don't get it.
I think someday God will give us the answer and we will know the reason and life will be right again.
Until then try to have faith and never give up........John

That's all we can do Just keep walking in faith till He reveals to us His plan. Marie don't give up just here on DS their are so many care and are praying for you
Your friend Dave

Why has always been a recurring theme in my mind too. But really, we all know why. It's not like the bad folk last forever and the good people die. Not in reality. But to us, that's how it seems. Everybody dies. I truly believe that that is the only plan. The dates are nothing more than circumstance.

Im so sorry that the pain is still so deep and heavy. I will almost be on my two year mark and honestly it still sucks. i often wonder if i will carry this pain on my back for the resto of my life. will i be truly happy again. my fear is that i will be but in my brain and heart there will be a spot that will be sad and still yearning for a life that once was. this i guess is my biggest fear that i will always crave the life/love that i once had. some days my loneliness and pain is still fresh as if time has not passed by. does it go away?!?!?!
the why is something that you must stop asking yourself because you will torment yourself. i have answers,but then they start to eat up at me. for instance, i sometimes feel that my guy got cancer because i caused him so much grief and pain when we were together. i curse myself and get upset and wish to re-do my life with him. then i stop myself from thinking this because the torment starts. i also think of many other men that should have gone instead of him, but again i stop because i feel as if these negative thoughts are going to come back to haunt me. so don't ask why anymore for your own sake. i now say thank the Lord that he chose me to be part of his life, and for picking me to be his wife and to help him in his journey.
i feel your pain : (.

Marie, I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain. Ronnie passed August 10,2009 so I definitely know how you feel. I really thought by a year I would feel better than what I do. The pain is so deep and still feels so raw. I also question, "WHY?" I know we are not to question God but it does seems easier said than done sometimes. Please don't give up - at some point some of the loneliness we feel must subside. Even though it has been a year for you, just take baby steps & live one day at a time. Hopefully, each day will give you a little more comfort and the will to go on. I too would love to be with Ronnie but we have no control over that & our time has not come yet to leave this earth. I will keep you in my prayers & hope each day gets a little easier for you. CHERI

I keep asking "WHY?" as well, and have yet to receive an answer.... I have SOOOOO many "Whys?" - you really would think God could answer one of them, just one... But, he hasn't, and probably won't...

I asked "WHY?" alot also, especially at the time of Chuck's diagnosis. I questioned God, asking him why did he allow this to happen to a good person. During the course of Chuck's illness, after many chats with Chuck and God, I came to realize and accept that God didn't allow this to happen...bad things just sometimes happen to good people. God is with us to help us through these hard times.
One good thing that happened during this process was that my faith in God became stronger. I try to tell myself that this is all part of the "master plan", although I don't necessarily agree with it. I'm still here on earth for a purpose, so I need to go on the best I can. Apparently Chuck's mission is life was completed and God called him home.
There are still days that I would give anything to have him walk in the room and be able to see him. I look forward to that "someday" when we will be together for eternity. Then the "why" may be answered.

Beint an atheist that is easy for me to answer. It's because sometimes very sad things happen 9but also sometimes very good thing happen).

The only meaning of it is the meaning you give to it yourself, remembering them and the relationship. Also how random and fragile our existance is.

God does really have a plan for each of us and we can question it, but we can't change things. At some point, God takes back what belongs to Him. I think we all become angry in our "asking why " process. This seems to be natural. We basically have to suck it in and trust that God knows what He's doing.

I asked "why" over and over when Todd was killed. I never blamed God for taking him, but I did blame George Bush for the war. Peace...Kaaren

Am so sorry and do understand how it continues to be so hard....the only way I am getting through this grief is to almost live hour to hour sometimes...........and try not to waste the time I have left.........especially when I think of those who would have loved to have had extra time here........

I do believe God has a plan for my life....and I pray daily to find the purpose for the time I have left.......
blessings
Lori

Unfortunately, we will not receive those answers until God calls us home too.

One answer for me is that cancer ran strongly on Richard's Mom's side of the family. She was taken at age 38, and out of his 5 siblings, only one has not been stricken with it. A sister and brother have also passed from the disease, while a third was a cancer survivor, but died from a heart attack.

The second is that Richard smoked and refused to give it up until our primary physician told him his lungs sounded very congested and it was highly recommended to do so. Richard would have eaten crap if our doctor told him to. That's how much my husband trusted our doctor.

I hate hearing that God has a plan or that God has a purpose, for I don't believe that God decided to have my husband suffer and die from cancer because he wanted him. And, God would not place me in the position of being without my husband and suffering this awful journey of grief. If that is the truth, then it isn't the God that I have known.

It has been a little over a year for me too, and my heart is forever broken from my loss. It hasn't stopped me from rebuilding a life that suits me, makes me comfortable or content.

Richard would not want me to give up, or stop living. I know my husband and I know that he feel the pain of not having me with him as much as I feel the pain of not having him with me. So, we each need to be patient and make the best of where we are at, until we are together again.

However, I am not stuck in my grief, nor am I wasting my life. I am making the best of a bad situation and now loving it. If my time came tomorrow, I'm ready. And if my time came tomorrow, I hope I have made a positive mark on this earth and impacted the lives of my friends and family with the love and compassion that I have always expressed.

And yes, my precious cat will be well taken care of. I promise that.

I ask myself the same thing. Its been 7 months for me and I was left a widow at 48 and Barry was 57.

I asked why over and over too. But again, there is a plan, we just don't know what it is. We may never know either. So, the best thing to do is to hold your head up and plug forward. I KNOW it's hard, but what other choice do we have?

Are you going to counseling or to any support groups?

Dear Marie,
I ask myself this often. Why?
Why wasn't I there?
Why did God take my wife?
Why my son with her?
What sin was I paying for?
Why will he not take me?
Is it that there had graduated to that most holy presence?
And what of me?
Can she hear my cried and see my tears?
God I miss them.
Hang in there, Marie. I believe there is a purpose and that purpose shall be revealed to us soon. But there is another day of pain I am yet to endure, God? Hear my prayer.