Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
OK, this one has left me dazed and confused...
I have been sleeping better since I got past our anniversary and consequently have been dreaming more. I woke up this morning from a really vivid dream about Diana. Unlike the other ones where it was just some random incident or pre-event this one was in the present where she knew she passed away.
We were in some small non descript house, not ours, cleaning up after dinner. I was washing dishes (I recall the sink was old and the faucet didnt work very well) and Diana was drying. There were some other folks in the background that I didnt recognize but Diana seemed to know them. I finished the last dish, ran the disposal, and put a piece of the dessert in an old fridge. She came over and hugged me You going to the doctor this week?. No, not this week I answered, maybe next. She said OK, well you should, I worry about you. I held her and gave her little kisses on the lips. I looked down, feeling sad and said, well, I have to go, you know...". She paused and said You going to look for a new wife?. I stood up straight and said NO, somewhat shocked. She looked me in the eye, searching, then she smiled and said its OK, you need to, and she kissed me. We just stood there in the kitchen holding each other trading little kisses.
I bolted up out of bed shaking my head and grabbed the nearest piece of paper to write it down while it was still so fresh in my mind. She looked so good, so content, and it started with us in our old routine, me washing and her drying. Every time she looked at me she would flash this beautiful smile, her lips were so soft...
It was great to experience her so vividly, but this whole "new wife" thing has left me unsettled, there is no replacement for "my better half" (and I mean that literally).
I have been sleeping better since I got past our anniversary and consequently have been dreaming more. I woke up this morning from a really vivid dream about Diana. Unlike the other ones where it was just some random incident or pre-event this one was in the present where she knew she passed away.
We were in some small non descript house, not ours, cleaning up after dinner. I was washing dishes (I recall the sink was old and the faucet didnt work very well) and Diana was drying. There were some other folks in the background that I didnt recognize but Diana seemed to know them. I finished the last dish, ran the disposal, and put a piece of the dessert in an old fridge. She came over and hugged me You going to the doctor this week?. No, not this week I answered, maybe next. She said OK, well you should, I worry about you. I held her and gave her little kisses on the lips. I looked down, feeling sad and said, well, I have to go, you know...". She paused and said You going to look for a new wife?. I stood up straight and said NO, somewhat shocked. She looked me in the eye, searching, then she smiled and said its OK, you need to, and she kissed me. We just stood there in the kitchen holding each other trading little kisses.
I bolted up out of bed shaking my head and grabbed the nearest piece of paper to write it down while it was still so fresh in my mind. She looked so good, so content, and it started with us in our old routine, me washing and her drying. Every time she looked at me she would flash this beautiful smile, her lips were so soft...
It was great to experience her so vividly, but this whole "new wife" thing has left me unsettled, there is no replacement for "my better half" (and I mean that literally).
I don't think you should let the part about her asking if you were going to look for a new wife upset you. Just file it away in the back of your mind and one day if you should happen to meet someone, consider it as having your late wife giving you her blessing to pursue another relationship. If that woman is the right one, she will NOT be replacing your late wife, she will just be adding good things to your life.
I'd love to have a dream like that and see Joe and kiss him once more! I've dreamed about him very little, and do not remember kissing him at all. I do remember his smile in my dreams, except for one that he was a little upset with me.
File this one away as her blessing for a time yet to come for you. Of course, no one would become a "replacement" for her!! Nobody can replace our spouse -- ever!! That doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there that will enhance your life -- someday.
Glad you wrote the dream down immediately, that way you did keep it fresh. That was a great visit for you. You were blessed with a vivid picture of her.
Hugs, Joely
Dave
Hope you have peaceful dreams.
Hugs,
Ron
I was sure the dream would fade so in my haste I didn't realize I wrote it down on the back of my gas bill, guess I will have to make a copy of the front cause I'm not sending in the original :-)
Sounds like she really wants you to ge to the doctor, do not ignor her wishes. As far as for you to remarry, she is giving you her blessing to move on. Actually a very nice dream.
When reading your post, I could sense the exceptional bond and love that you shared with your Diana. I am glad you could experience her presence one more time. Others who have not traveled our path of loss cannot begin to imagine how important those experiences are to us.
I look forward to those occasional dreams I have about my husband, but I never know when they will occur. I like to call them my 'date night' with hubby. In most of my dreams, we are both aware that he is gone from this world, but there are a few where that subject is not part of the dream.
I've noticed there are more dreams that do not include dialogue; we just share activities or experiences. I don't know what to make of that, but it is what it is. My 'date nights' bring me comfort with the exception of 1 dream in the 5 years that he has been gone. In that dream, I remember feeling anger, but for the life of me I couldn't remember what was so upsetting when I woke upjust like life!!! The reason for being upset with our spouses was rarely important enough to be remembered.
Blessings to you. TJ
Those little daily things that we did with our spouse are the things that me the most.
God Bless and take care.
Dan
I know it is disturbing sometimes, but these visits are truly a gift from God. They help me to cope.
Alice
That was a great share.....
L
Wonderful you dreamed of your wife. And what a remarkable dream.
Before my wife died we talked about remarriage -- she did not want me to be alone, But never would i think of a replacement, for only once did i authentically give my everything to another.
The stark loneliness was such a shock at first, but as time goes on, though i still need to make more friends, I realize the love she gave me when she was here is sufficient for my lifetime. (Does that make sense? I can still feel her love, though she is not physically here.)
But remarriage is completely ethical and permissible as i understand it.