Hi cookie, I'm so sorry. I can relate to how you feel. I didn't know which way to turn when my Bob passed away suddenly. We had 40 years together. After two months of being submerged in grieving, I joined a support group at my church. I met wonderful friends there who were going through heartache and loss. That was ten years ago. The friendships have continued. They have been people to get together with and lunch or shop. and we celebrate our birthdays. There have been holiday parties.
Time has helped with healing. I've moved forward. My Life is good again. My Bob remains in my heart always. It's good that you have jobs to keep you busy. when you are ready consider finding and joining a group. Hope Hospice has support groups also. Keep coming here . The People here. truly care., I wish you strength and peace. Hugs, Dolores

i am so sorry for your loss. :(

Thank you. I was going to a support group but it depressed me more. I go to a therapist every week and that is helping me get through the days.

Hi, Cookie,
I so very well know the pain that you are feeling. I lost my husband to renal cancer; was so very sure that he was going to beat it and was devastated when he took a nosedive and passed away. I didn't think that I could survive without him either, but I have. I don't have lots of words of wisdom; my situation has been complicated with the loss of all my siblings and their spouses since my husband's death so I am still struggling. However, I found a therapist who has helped tremendously. I also found a widows/widowers' support group that I attended for a good year that helped. Also, come here often. Only those who have traveled this road can understand so you have taken a great step in posting on this site. When your life has been turned upside down and inside out, you just have to take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Things will get better for you. It just takes lots and lots of time. Roxanne

How to go on is a question we all ponder after the drastic change we have experienced. The short answer is a day at a time and often moment by moment. It's not a satisfying answer, I know and I learned it looking back. For you see there is no answer. There is no common path ahead, but finding others have walked in it before you. There's no finish line, but an acceptance of breathing easier. And there is a feeling of being okay, even though it's not something we imagine. Cry. Be angry at the unfairness of life. Feel all the emotions circling in you and you can conquer them. Sharon

I am so sorry that you lost your love. I lost my husband 18 months ago and have seen significant change in the past 6 months. I have had an occasional bad day but things are gradually improving. I miss him every day but the physical pain has pretty much completely subsided and the emotional rollercoaster while still present is evening out. It helped me in the beginning to hear from people who were further along on the path so I knew there was hope ahead. Try just getting through each day right now and as time goes on you should be in a better place. I wish you peace

I so appreciate all the responses I am getting. No one really understands. I have noticed most of my good friends don't call as often. I am not asked out like I was in the beginning. Someone once said to me that they can't take my crying. Well too bad. Your life hasn't changed. I am trying to survive. I am so tired how nobody gives a. crap. My husband and I were always there for everyone no matter what. What is up with these people. I keep a journal and write to my husband every day. It helps

One of the things I did is to learn about grief as much as I can. I recorded them in my own journal - there are some good articles. The other major work is I did is to truly embrace myself - knowing that the one who so appreciated and believed in me is gone. I have to find my own get up and go.

Yes, there are many people who wants to be do-gooders and perceived to be good, but few actually willing to get their hands dirty... this is a way of life. This is why people say grief rewrites your address book. But you will come to meet others that are battle-tested, and willing to share their experience as well.

My husband of 36 years passed away last year. I took care of him for 6 years and the last 3 he was basically just a shell of the man he used to be. I now know he is in a better place for him. I also had to get a job after being a stay at home Mom for 35 years..i am on auto pilot. I am of this day or this moment thinking i have to move forward..not sure what I am going to do with whats left of my life but i know that i have to figure out something for Me. Am thinking of learning the violin. I think i would enjoy it..possibly take a class..i may do improv too..I have "survived the worst that could ever happen to me..so i might as well make it about something i would enjoy I think i would anyhow. My mood changes though daily as i am still trying to figure out who i am now. ( Hugs))

Hi, listening to you all makes me wish I could give you all great embraces and cry with you. All your insights and experiences are so much appreciated/valued. I wish we could all be in a room together (in eachother's presence, i.e.) but this is our room, the closest we can be...and words are a powerful thing: "death and life are in the power of the tongue."

RISeattle, I'm glad you said what you did. My husband too seemed to revolve his world or at least be very in tune to what I was involved in and/or what interested me everyday. I tried not to take this for granted while he was alive! He was on disability. For instance, when I started to play bucket drums he sent me drumsticks,
We weren't living together but talked always on the phone. I watched over him/tried to protect him during the last months not knowing that they were. He said he was dependent on me then, but now that he's gone I know even more it was mutual dependency. Or ok let's say interdependency. He was my get-up-and-go (like you said) many times (I told him he lifted me up) and now I have to be my own (like you said). But doesn't it make it easier, knowing that he had confidence in you...

Hello, I'm new here. I lost my husband / best friend of 35 years 6 months ago. The stories I read here help me know I'm not alone. I have become isolated because it is easier than trying to maintain my composure when the used-to-be simple question "how are you doing?" brings on a full blown melt down. My friends just don't know what to do or say.
Cancer killed him, and physician error sped up the process. Everything that could go wrong, did - right down to not getting the funeral music of my choice. It creeped up on us and things went un-spoken. 34 amazing years followed by one year of hell. I'm trying hard to stick with the good times, but my brain is tired.
I struggle most with guilt of not being able to save him. I spent countless days and sleepless nights researching cancer cures but who really knows. Could have done this...should have done that...does he know I was trying to save him? Do the kids know?
As for me, I have 2 choices - to live or die. It was planted in my mind at an early age that suicide is a straight ticket to hell, and if I go to hell I believe I won't see him again. And what would that say to my children - that I don't love them enough to tough it out. Not an option. All I can do is live, and pray that the days go fast and this misery lessens.
These are my thoughts, unfortunately not a ray of sunshine I would like to be to you all. I'm working on it. The stories are different in how the loss occurred but the words you write tell me the pain is as real as mine, and you can only understand if you have been on this wretched journey.

Thank you ladies for your thoughts. We all have so much in common. I, too, feel the guilt. It haunts me at night of what more could I have done. I miss him more and more. So many things have changed. I am struggling. I don't want to give up and end up living with one of my kids. Today I went to an agency to get a job. I had to endure 2 hours of testing. I didn't pass all of them and have to retake. I say to myself is this worth it. Nobody understands only people who go through this. Yes, I lost the live of my life. I have to go on. Pray for us all

Thank you Judy1951 for your comments. I want what you seem to have (I think). Some sort of peace of mind eventually. I miss being happy and it is hard to imagine I can ever be that again. We had just launched our last child into college when he was diagnosed for the 3rd and last time, so the empty nest was and still is new to me. The kids did what we raised them to do...go into the world and have a life. Unfortunately their lives have pulled them away from our home town. I desperately crave having my family together again. But like you cookie45 I don't want to impose on their young lives, not yet. Also we were not financially prepared for cancer, and as a result I have given up our home, put everything in storage and now live with relatives. I am starting to work a little now, but other than not wanting to burden others, I have no real motivation and don't care about finances. I think the only thing that has peeked my interest is the idea of helping others...maybe seniors or people older than me fighting this battle. I remember seeing really old people coming to chemo, and thinking to myself, they must be widowed or they wouldn't be alone. At times, I am slightly paying attention to where I will be called in life. Other times, I'm just here -broken, tired, numb. I feel so foolish and I was so oblivious to people I have known that lost spouses. I had no clue.