Dear Aftermom, I sure remember you, after two years here. I remember a lot of your posts to others were comforting and helpful. I am so sorry to see you are still emotionally distraught since your husband died in March 2015. Yes, time goes by very quickly, doesn't it, with no thoughts of space or time. My husband, John, died in August 2015, so I am here with you in the same time space. Two years is nothing. You just need more time, dear. Pamper yourself, try to remain quiet, peaceful, take long walks, listen to soft, relaxing, meditative music, just relax because I think our quiet time alone to think and remember is so very important in dealing with the loss of our husbands. Yes, 40 years is a long, beautiful marriage, just try and remember all the good, loving memories. I am glad you are still here with us, where we come to like a lost ship on the ocean. John and I were married for 30 years, so I just listen to our music at night to be with him, soothing and comforting. Take good care of yourself, dear, and good to hear from you again here.
Hugs and sunflowers, Nanette

Just one other point I forgot to mention, Aftermom, is yes, we do not belong anywhere. Not that I'm being negative, just the harsh truth. Married couples, young and old, busy lives together. I sure know what you mean, honey, especially when I sit on the bench near the walking trail, a woman alone now. That is where we can gain our emotional strength and courage. Acceptance of our stage of life, makes our life easier, as we are all survivors.
Hugs, Nanette

I can relate to how you feel, its been 1 yr. 2 months for me, I have bad days and better days, on the bad days I feel all alone, not lonely for company but lonely for my husband. Other days I just try to keep my mind occupied and not think about how I feel. I always miss him everyday. I don't have much motivation to do much of anything, I just try to take it one day at a time and look forward to when we will meet again in heaven. I rely on God for peace and comfort and He does provide that although there are many days I feel sad and alone. It's just me and my 3 cats now, we didn't have any kids, I have a few friends I see on occasion but most of the time days and days go by w/o even a phone call from anyone except telemarketers. It's a difficult time of life but I know it is not forever, I never did feel much like I belonged here either, my husband was the only person I could share with and relate to things in every way, he was an artist, I used to paint too but can not anymore since he passed. I have many paintings of his all over my house, he always called them his children, that is a part of him that is always here with me but he is always in my heart as well. I don't know what the future here on earth holds, but I know my husband was my one and only soul mate and I am not interested in looking for anyone else. I could be diagnosed with a terminal disease and in a sense, I might feel okay with that, knowing that soon I can go to a better place and see my husband again. I do not say that with any thoughts of harming myself but that is genuinely how I feel, in the meantime I will continue to take it one day at a time and continue to pray for all of the others that are out there going through and experiencing the same thoughts and feelings as myself. We can trust God in knowing our time here on earth is brief but our real life for eternity has not even yet began and I rest in His promises until it is time to go home.
Rev. 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

I can't give you many comforting words because I feel a lot like you do. It's been almost 16 months for me and I still wake up every day and think - oh god, I'm still here. It's very much like being in purgatory and you can't figure how to get out of it. I'll be 63 this month and I don't think I want to look for another man. And I've notice more than ever that it's really a "couple's world" out there. So I feel like I'm at a dead end. Don't know what the answer is except to try to do the little things that bring us some happiness and hope for better days.

thank you so much, girls. I appreciate each of you!
I think that avoiding this WW forum too much, was not good in this phase of grief.
I am still here today (on earth, I mean). I did not try to slit my wrists or blow my brains out. (not that I Ever have!) BUT better than that: an amount of perspective came over me. I am sure I felt "someone" had prayed for me. That can happen, if I just keep on banging myself against that grief door in truly honest ways. To heck with liars and deny.ers.
I am so very grateful for this forum. no one else "gets it". especially after 2 years.
Scottie didn't reply here, but he is my new hero for achievement.
OH MY GOSH, Ladies, Guess what? One of me (and my husbands') most faithful friends is now trying to comfort me with How Much Hope There Is for me to find a new husband, at my age of 62 now. ARGH! Yes, it's true. I mean, it's true that our friend is doing it.
Now, lets be honest (because I always AM. brutally honest about grief) I told him that the thought of getting naked in front of a new man at my age does not exactly feel, ummmm, Safe or exciting?
Love you all,
Barb.

ps, I apologize that typing out the word deniers (spelled differently) became a Link. it was accidental. nothing is there, FYI. I checked ;-)

Hello. I'm glad to see you are still here but sorry to hear you are feeling down. Im at nearly 2 years and I still struggle sometimes. I had thought that things would somehow snap into place after 1 year, but have since read that the first year is actually easier, because you are numb. I find that I get restless and bored more often and I hope that counts as progress. I am finding, however that I'm not standing on a mountaintop with outstretched arms like in ALL those memes we see out there. : ). We do all have our good memories and I read that singleness is now quite "trendy" for those of us in the sixty plus crowd. Hugs to you!

deb20, haha. yep, those memes are just So Wrong! but you reminded me of a new word, "trendy".
ok, well I was never 'that', even when a youngster. sighhhh.
Everyone I know in my 'age bracket' is spoken for.
Which is hard to forget, because they are everywhere I go.
The world can be brutal.
thank you for posting.

I read it somewhere about this quote, and it might help you.

Courage is not having the strength to go on, it is going on when you don't have the strength.

You are not alone. Grief is horrible. I have a hard time just getting dressed in the morning. I lost my husband 7 years ago and I was so busy catching up his stuff. Lots of it. I never allowed myself to grieve. Are you finding any medications that help?

Thank you raininseattle, I think that one is true ;-)

beachshore, they do help in some ways. they don't cancel out grief, but sometimes we get into downward spirals which are self-defeating (like sleep deprivation), and meds can help. Its just about surviving, not to interfere with our grief process. It is still an individual deal. We have tools, not cures. For myself, I had been avoiding forum interaction, which is another important tool. After I came here and blew off the dreadful steam, it helped.. Whether we get a better perspective, or prayer, and empathy from others who really understand. It all helps. It does me, anyway..

Achievement Barb? Please. Only survival. I count my biggest achievement that of getting a puppy, And fortunately I find myself once again able to do the job I am paid to do, albeit I take way longer to do everything now. No doubt about it, that second year was the pits. But wait, I'm not supposed to say that? Or am I? I've still got a ways to go. Problem is I still don't have a friggin' clue where it is I might be heading, and how the heck I'll know if and when I arrive there. Out of my hands. And into His. ~~~ Scottie

I haven't been posting for awhile but relate. My husband passed three years ago, and I have no family locally. Nearest family member over 125 miles away. My adult child lives out of state but I know she will be there for me in an emergency. So have to rely on friends for support. There have been more losses since my husband passed. My dear friend of 35 years now in a memory care unit. She is in her 60's so a heartbreak for her family, my neighbor of over 30 years has stage iv cancer. I just try and take it all a day at a time. I volunteer, take classes, attend church and in some clubs, a meet up group, etc. so on the go. Have met many widows and many already want to date, travel, etc., but doesn't interest me. My husband was my best friend, and we just seemed to mesh from day one. In three years I feel that I have come a long way in handling the day to day life issues. My husband would be proud the house and yard are being maintained and I am out and about now. I also visit a lady in Hospice care who is in an assisted living facility. So meet many who have lost their spouse and now in their final years all alone. I try and spend time listening to their stories, hold a hand. If you need a purpose, try and visit someone in assisted living who need a friend. It is very rewarding. The lady I visit has become a "mother" to me. She was married over 60 years and always says the saddest for her was not being able to go too when her husband died. So sweet, she misses him dearly. I wish everyone peace in their daily life. We are here to support each other and what a special gift to come here and share from the heart.

scottie, Yes it is Achievement (to me)! because you are pressing forward. Mistakes don't count during such horrific loss & emotional pain ;-) mistakes are covered by grace. I have not achieved (is accomplished a better word?) any concrete steps forward, just barely survived. I do give myself a giant "pass" (grace) for the whole first 1 1/2 year, because of severe injury & illness & surgery & recovery.
You however, dear brother, have bravely soldiered on. My goodness, you re-did your entire home decor (that is a biggie), PLUS have determined to seek relationship (gigantic). That is all Hope in Action! Of course you still have a ways to go. The rest of your life is ahead of you..
and it will unfold as you go.
My friends are starting to point out that I am very timid. AND challenge me to be braver. 'Nuff said?
God bless you scottie. I cherish your example of courage, +survival..
Love,
Barb.

I do not feel hope for myself, about finding love again with a man.