Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Foreverbroken 02/17/2017

Is it just me or do you all get sick of hearing people say things over and over. First, everyone keeps telling me how strong of a woman I am and how well I'm handling things and how well the kids are doing. Okay, so yes, I go to work and they go to school and we have somewhat resumed our "normal" activities but that doesn't mean we're doing well and everything is fine. They don't see that I don't sleep at night or that it takes everything I have to get ready in the morning to leave the house or that if I didn't have my kids to care for that I would probably drink every day to numb the pain and I'm not even a drinker. The last thing I feel is strong. If anything I'm surviving, not living. I'm also sick of seeing people give me those "looks" like "oh you poor thing". My favorite is "how are you doing". Please if I really told you, you would go running and think I was crazy or I would depress you and you would avoid me. My answers are all the same "I'm good; I'm fine; I'm healing (blah, blah, blah)". +

I know some people mean it and really care and might not know what to say but others I just want to go away from us. It's only been 63 days since he died and I was injured. It's hard enough to get through the loss but to physically be healing from injuries as well on top of things it makes it even more difficult. Since his death I've had to get out of the hospital, console our children, plan his memorial and I've had my 1st Christmas without him, my 1st New Years, my 1st anniversary without him (it was our 19th), and my 1st Valentine's without him, all in 63 days. I just want to scream "how do you think I am and unless you've been through it you have no idea what I'm feeling".

I think the only time I find peace and feel like I'm might be okay is when I speak to others who have been through it. A lady at work stopped to talk to me and she lost her husband 7 years ago. She knew exactly what I felt and knew that just because I say something like "I really just want to curl up and cry and join him because I miss him so much", that I'm not lossing my mind and thinking of hurting myself. I'm just expressing myself. I'm not going to do something that would cause more harm to my children. I'm just hurting.

Oh an don't get me started on those that tell me "It's all a part of God's plan". Look, I know God has a plan. I am faithful and I trust in Him. I don't blame Him and I'm not turning away from Him but even He knows I'm hurting and those kind of comments aren't helpful in a time like this. People act like if you are a christian that you should just bounce back like it's all good God's got this. Well, even as a christain I'm hurting and not understanding and even questioning at times. AND guess what? God's okay with that.

purplebunny 02/26/2017

It has been 60 days since he died for me and I can so relate to your pain. I did not expect my husband to die that day. He was in the hospital for a broken hip and just having surgery to repair it. He was okay from the surgery but died 4 days later. His heart gave out and they could not restart it after working on him for 30 minutes. He died in front of me. I lost it and was in shock. When they pronounced him dead I screamed and cried and just couldn't believe what just happened. My love, my husband of 26 years was gone. I have no children and am all alone in my home and don't have him to talk to anymore. I am living a nightmare. The pain does not go away. I see him in everything I do and everywhere I go. Songs on the radio make me relive many moments of our life together. He died the day after Christmas and I have had to endure the season without him. Valentine's Day was difficult as he always remembered me with flowers and a token of our love together. He bought me the greatest cards which he spent a lot of time to find just the perfect one. I love each and every one but now I will never get another. I loved that man with my whole being. He was my gift in life. So you can see what I have lost and can feel a lot of what you are going through. Who knows how long I will feel this way. My home is my safe haven. He and all his memories are here with me and it gives a sense of security that he is here. Life has to continue without him but I don't know how well it will be.

Tromblt 02/26/2017

wow, Thats exactly what people are telling me. I have only been a widow for 6 days and i am losing my mind. My children are older but it still is very difficult to put on a brave face. I don't want to get out up and join the world. I took a leave of absence from teaching so that i could take care of my husband. we were counting on social security to help support us during this time. He passed away before that could happen.I have two children in college and no money to support our life as we knew it. I now have to worry about how to afford our lives. I am so sad and overwhelmed I'm not strong and I'm not ok

Once_Was_Called_Babygirl 02/26/2017

Reading and thinking. Thanks to all who have contributed. Maybe my crazy thoughts are closer to normal than they feel.

jkowal84 02/28/2017

Thank you Foereverbroken. You were able to express everything I've been feeling. And how people really don't have a clue. Big hugs for you. Thanks

shamzozo 02/28/2017

I feel u my dear I also get that and some comments from people I know someone who like to rephrase people nowadays she always call people widows and Iam like omg if she can call others how about me... is she also calling me name oh yes I don't deny that Iam a widow but the last thing to hear someone call me with it instead my name and I always have people come and say oh your really doing greAt with kids and yet they don't know for the past 6months I don't sleep at night

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