It's been nearly a year and I've had plenty of time to examine every part of this journey. I was thinking about something today. So many of us are alone and hating it, but for me it wasn't enough to just hate it, I needed to know why. Of course the first thing that came to my mind is that I miss my husband. That's true, but it goes deeper.

Being without my husband also means for the first time I'm without a safety net. It's a strange feeling.

Let me explain. Like a lot of women here I left my parent's house for my husband's house. When I lived with my parents I felt safe. For example, if I didn't come home by a certain time, they would know something is wrong and come looking. If I went out in the backyard and fell and couldn't get up, I could holler and they would come running. If I lost my job they would make sure I ate and had a place to live.

Then I got married, and the same thing applied. If I went to work and didn't come home, my husband would come looking for me. He would make sure I was safe.

But now, at the age of 54, a new reality presents itself. If I fell down now, nobody would know. No one would come looking for a long time. It's a first for me and it doesn't feel good.

I think a lot of us are in that postion. You live with your parents. Then you live with your husband and kids. Then the kids grow up and go off on their own and your husband dies, and you're on your own. Sure the kids will call, but not as fast as your parents or husband. You can't rely on them.

So here we are, getting used to being without the love of our lives, but we're also adjusting to flying without a net. It's not fun.