Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I debated posting about this as I dont want to seem whiney but sometimes I just need to talk it out and you are the only friends that would understand.
Thanksgiving weekend was the hardest time I have had in the last 6 months, I thought I was coping fairly well and thought I would be OK for this obstacle too. This four day weekend was literally Dianas favorite time of year. She loved making the turkey dinner and decorating the house. If we went to one of her brothers for Thursday we would do our own some other day during the weekend. She was always very affectionate starting Thursday morning and would tell me we have a lot to do this weekend and I want to make sure you have a smile on your face for the next four days!. By the end of the weekend we were stuffed and the house looked amazing.
The boys and I went to her brothers for T-day and had a nice quiet dinner. I gave away the 12 foot artificial tree to our SIL as I didnt have the heart to set it up and decorate it, just planned on setting up the 9 footer. Friday I came down with a cold and just laid around feeling miserable through Saturday. Sunday I got all the decorations down out of storage and started. Every ornament I hung on the tree had a little piece of sadness attached to it as I remembered doing it with her last year, the sadness seemed cumulative. The last box I took out the four Christmas stocking to hang on the mantle and I held hers and just collapsed on the floor. My son, home on leave from the Corp, just sat down on the floor with me and put his arm around me. We sat there for maybe half an hour.
I did a fair job of decorating the house but there is no joy in the scene. There are no holiday plans, no challenging gift request and no anticipation of a wondrous Christmas. I was relieved when the weekend was over and I could go back to work.
Thanks all, putting this down in print was very helpful.
-Pete-
Thanksgiving weekend was the hardest time I have had in the last 6 months, I thought I was coping fairly well and thought I would be OK for this obstacle too. This four day weekend was literally Dianas favorite time of year. She loved making the turkey dinner and decorating the house. If we went to one of her brothers for Thursday we would do our own some other day during the weekend. She was always very affectionate starting Thursday morning and would tell me we have a lot to do this weekend and I want to make sure you have a smile on your face for the next four days!. By the end of the weekend we were stuffed and the house looked amazing.
The boys and I went to her brothers for T-day and had a nice quiet dinner. I gave away the 12 foot artificial tree to our SIL as I didnt have the heart to set it up and decorate it, just planned on setting up the 9 footer. Friday I came down with a cold and just laid around feeling miserable through Saturday. Sunday I got all the decorations down out of storage and started. Every ornament I hung on the tree had a little piece of sadness attached to it as I remembered doing it with her last year, the sadness seemed cumulative. The last box I took out the four Christmas stocking to hang on the mantle and I held hers and just collapsed on the floor. My son, home on leave from the Corp, just sat down on the floor with me and put his arm around me. We sat there for maybe half an hour.
I did a fair job of decorating the house but there is no joy in the scene. There are no holiday plans, no challenging gift request and no anticipation of a wondrous Christmas. I was relieved when the weekend was over and I could go back to work.
Thanks all, putting this down in print was very helpful.
-Pete-
I know I am. I applaud you for even attempting to decorate, put up the tree and then when you mentioned the stockings.
Man! I can't even think about our Christmas Stockings. Bob picked mine out and wrote my name on it our first year of marriage in 1972. (38 yrs ago). I can't bring myself to even look at the stocking.
There are just too many precious memories you and your wife shared. It is so wonderful that your son was there to comfort you and I am sure it helped him in his own grief process. It probably actually helped him to see you crying. Real men can CRY!
I pray for you as you go through this difficult month. May God bring you peace and His comfort.
Hugs, Linda
I am so proud of both of you. We need to cry and speak their names. We loved them sooo..if we didn't, it wouldn't hurt so bad!! I pray for all to find peace. Hugs, Darlene
Linda
Sally