Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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cliffskat 03/04/2018

For the heck of it, I thought I would give you an opportunity to share the stupidest things people have said to you. I have been a widow a long time, and I've probably heard most of them, but maybe you've had a real humdinger you'd like to share. I'm not talking just about the run of the mill "you're young, you'll find someone else" (like Cliff was a pair of shoes I could have just replaced) - I think we have all had that one. Have you had one (or more) that were so incredibly stupid that you couldn't believe someone had the temerity to say it? Something so astonishingly inappropriate that your jaw dropped or left you speechless with fury?? Here's a chance to share it.

One of the worst for me was, "Now that you're single, we can go clubbing together and meet some cute guys." I was a widow about 2-1/2 months when a coworker said that to me. Even if I had felt single at that point, there was no way in hell that was going to happen. Clueless, truly clueless. It did, perhaps, explain why she had 3 separate 'baby daddies' and no husbands....

How about you?

Love and Hugs,

Martha

scottito 03/04/2018

My crazy sister-in-law and her husband went ballistic on me 3 weeks after my wife of 30 years died. Screamed that I was a bad husband and a poor example of a Christian at me from my front yard, then the sister tried to force herself into the house, and I had to threaten calling 911. So after a couple years of no contact, I ran into her for the first time a few months ago in Walmart. We said hello in passing, and I just kept walking. So I hear here loudly say, So that's the way it's going to be. Glad she got the message. Some people you can only love from a distance. Scottie

acuriousfish 03/04/2018

I'm pretty sure I've had the

"I know how you feel because I lost my pet dog recently"

"I know how you feel because I got divorced"

The oddest one was someone who rang for my wife (who was a therapist) and asked if they could make an appointement with her. I said "I'm afraid to say that XXXX died last Thursday". To which I got the reply

"Oh, ok....should I ring later then?"

nancy6464 03/04/2018

"you will see, cooking will be easier, you only have to please yourself."

WTF~

Jaxmate 03/04/2018

"So what are you going to do now?"

Rick51 03/04/2018

" what are you going to do with all her stuff"?

regwin 03/04/2018

"You two were a class act. Please stay that way. "

roxanne809 03/04/2018

Two I heard more than once:
1. At least, you have the grandchildren.
2. He's in a better place.
Stupid comments; the grandchildren certainly can't fill the void left by the loss of a spouse. As far as being in a better place, a better place was right next to me. Only those who have experienced our loss understand and know what is appropriate to say and what isn't.

nell79 03/04/2018

The best or worst I guess you could say was from my mother. When I called and told her that Charlie had passed away (mind you-he was still in our bedroom) she said to me “So do you want me to move in with you?” I was dumbfounded and said well no I don’t think I can make any major decisions like that for awhile and left it at that.
I think the most annoying comment I get from people is “I’ve been thinking of you so often...”. Really then why haven’t I heard from you since the funeral!?!?!?? Saying nothing is better than lying.

raininseattle 03/04/2018

"We can't bring her back. We just have to move on" in my first week.

lostmytruelove 03/04/2018

The “he’s in a better place”, “his work on this earth was done” (at 56 with a 17 year old son) and “you need to find a way to move on with your life”. I am officially a widow today for 7 weeks

cliffskat 03/04/2018

"Are you going to sell the house?" Sure, so my kids could be homeless as well as grief-stricken.

"Let me know if you want to get rid of any of his tools."

Then there was my creepy neighbor, who I ran into in the supermarket. He took my hand and started stroking it and said, "If you need anything - ANYTHING - just let me know." His intentions were very clear. Ewwwhhhh! I nearly barfed on the spot - does everybody think we're suddenly desperate for sex or something?

cliffskat 03/04/2018

In the weeks following Cliff's death, I couldn't eat or sleep. I dropped quite a lot of weight. It took a lot for me to go to office functions, but somebody I respected and liked had a birthday, so I joined in for the cake, etc. Then the office blonde bimbo comes up to me and says, "Martha, you've lost so much weight - which diet are you on?" I was speechless. Thankfully, my manager intervened before I decked anybody. Later, I thought what I should have done is said, "Yes, I've lost 235 pounds and his name was Cliff."

Metropoliskid 03/05/2018

"Well, we're ALL dying, if you think about it."

"I want her engagement ring."

Jdhayes 03/05/2018

You need to take down all of his pictures and throw them away....from my mother at 1 year! I was flabbergasted to say the least.

cliffskat 06/02/2018

I was thinking about this conversation today, so thought I'd bump it in case anyone wanted to add to it.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

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