Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

still wearing my wedding rings

Loriluvsbruce
Loriluvsbruce
Bruce has been gone 1 1/2 years and I am still wearing my wedding rings and wear his on a chain around my neck. It is very natural for me because I still see me as a married woman.My problem is that nobody else sees me as a married woman.I have recently lost my job and looking for a new one and filling applications and tax forms and when they want your status its married, divorced or single there is no space for widowed.If I put married my taxes are different so I have to put single. I hate that. People ask me when I plan to stop wearing my rings. And start dating.When I say I have no desire to date that I still love Bruce, they tell me oh your time will come.I dont want my time to come. I know Bruce is gone but I have been married twice and really dont want to do it again so why not just honor Bruce. I'm not hanging on to something that I know I can never have again with him I'm just loving a man that was a good friend and wonderful husband. And why not wear those memories around my finger. Anyway if someone else comes along, he will know about Bruce. I could never act like he didnt exist. Just wondering if anyone else has a hard time feeling like they are still married. I see people on here that are looking to date again but are wondering about the ones that are content still being Mr or Mrs loved one.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wear our rings on a chain now and a widows band on my ring finger. I still feel married. I guess I will until I don't. maybe that day will come and maybe not. For now I feel married.
totalsupport
totalsupport
I have been seeing someone for a little while now. When I first started to date him I wore my rings for about 3 months and then I decided it was time to say my final goodbye and put the rest of Marty's ashes in the bay and took off my ring. The guy never said one word about me wearing it I had to do it on my time. You will figure it out...When and if you do that is your choice not anyone elses...Hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband will be gone 1 year 1/18/09. I will always be his wife. I will always be Mrs. I can't imagine myself any other way. I don't pray for someone to come into my life, I pray that I can accept my life without him and be at peace with it. People who expect you to "move on" have no idea what you are feeling.
Stay strong.
riplakish
riplakish
I SWITCH HANDS WITH MINE. IF THE ARTHRITIS MAKES IT TOO TIGHT ON MY RIGHT HAND I PUT IT BACK ON MY RING FINGER, I ALSO HAVE A TATTOO ON MY RING FINGER THAT'S IN GREEK. IT SAYS "MY WIFE". WEAR THEM A LONG AS YOU LIKE!!! I WEAR MINE ON MY RIGHT HAND TO SHOW ANYONE WHO SEES IT, I'M IN MOURNING.
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
According to etiquette, you are still "Mrs. X" and you can wear your rings - or not wear them - or move them - as you see fit. I hated it the first few times I had to check the 'single' box and there was no option for 'widowed.' It's an odd grey zone. It's funny in a way, as the people who always addressed me as "Mrs. X" now call me by my first name to avoid reminding me. I had a ring custom made that honors my husband and my sons - similar to a mother's ring - but I no longer wear my wedding rings. It's an individual choice.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband has been gone for 13 months now, and I still feel married. I still wear my wedding rings and don't know if I will ever stop wearing them. I also had a special ring made to honor "our" family. It has my husbands birthstone, both our daughters birthstones, my birthstone and the stone for the month we were married. Wearing or not wearing wedding rings is a very individual choice.
Meboysmom
Meboysmom
I am not sure I will ever be able to take my rings off. One my husband worked so hard to get my diamond, it was a special suprise, I also wear his ring first then my diamond then my band that matches his. I hate the word single also, it isn't fair to have to say single when we didn't choose this. Wearing my ring also keeps predators away!!
Loriluvsbruce
Loriluvsbruce
Thanks to everyone for your comments. It seems a lot of us feel the same way,its nice to not be in this alone. Although I wish none of us had to be here in the first place. Luv to all, Lori
deleted_user
deleted_user
Whatever works for you, is good. Others have no clue, nor any right to comment on your life..I guess they have REALLY good lives and not enough to do.
I stopped wearing my ring on day 42 after fighting with myself for 3 days. I woke up one morning and didn't 'feel' married any more. It actually hurt to wear it. It was like I was being stabbed and mocked by wearing it. That's me, though. I'd never expect anyone to live according to my conscience...a good life philosophy, I think.

Be well. Be honest with yourself.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm in my 19th month and still wear my rings along with his wedding band next to mine. I don't plan on taking them off. I don't want to date and have no interest to. It's just not for me. Don't get me wrong some people need and want to start another life...but I feel I too am still married and always will be.
hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hadn't worn my wedding ring for years before my husband's death. I never liked the "mark", didn't think it was anyone else's business, but that's me.
Do what is good for you, it's YOUR decision! I felt married for quite awhile, ring or no ring.
As far as predators, sometimes it's a challenge when you have a ring on. We can't win, can we? Do what your heart says.
I'll never forget when I was asked: "Married or Single"? I said, "Are those the only two choices???"
deleted_user
deleted_user
Lori Sweetie..we can all say what's on our minds...how WE feel about this. But, ultimately this wiil HAVE to be your own personal decision.
I too had problems with my hands and could not wear my rings comfortably (Fibro.). But everyone knew I was happily married....and besides...it really didn't matter what THEY thought...WE knew & that's all that counted.
It has been almost 1 1/2 years now since I lost Pat. NEVER thought I would be able to go forward with my life. Had told everyone that if I DID meet someone...then great..!! If I DIDN'T...then that was fine too...I would certainly be alright.
As fate would have it I HAVE found someone again. He is such an important part of my life now. Never went looking....NEVER seen it coming..!!
I am happy once again.....and you will find that if you too follow YOUR heart you will be just fine. Bruce was a major part of your life....nothing will change that...nothing SHOULD....
Best of luck to you Hon......
Jeanne
deleted_user
deleted_user
Add me to the list, I still wear my ring on my finger, plus another ring, on other hand my husband gave me. I feel I will not take them off, why? I don't want to and am not looking for any other man. He was the love of my life, and he gave these to me. Its been almost 13 months for me. At least no one has been rude and asked why I have them still on, I'm not sure they would like my answer. It is everyone's choice, I feel. June
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's been over 7 years since my Dave died and I still wear my rings and I probably always will. I'm 59 (although everyone says I don't look it) and I really don't want to get married again. My marriage to Dave was WONDERFUL, and that's where I want things to end. Besides, around here the only guys available MY age are drunks and ex-cons! LOL.

Seriously tho, I'm a ring-wearer and will stay that way. And I'm also MRS.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wear my husbands wedding ring and then mine and I am still a mrs too :) these rings will stay there forever.