Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members
19,465 Posts
0 Online
Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Still waiting. . .

baileyolson
baileyolson
This evening thought to myself, "well, one more weekend done." Then it occurred to me what did I mean by that? It felt like I was crossing off days, waiting. Waiting for what? As a child I would cross off days till Christmas, for birthdays, the first or last day of school. Later I would cross off days till a big date, or the weekend.

What am I crossing off days for now. I am retired, so weekends are no longer anticipated. There isn't any important dates in my future. Still I feel like I am just passing time, waiting. Maybe subconsciously I'm waiting for my Big Swede to come home. Maybe I'm waiting to join him. Waiting for the pain to subside. Waiting to find a focus. I feel I am waiting for something, something big. Maybe a reason to wake up each day. I don't know. Thank you for letting me ramble. Hugs ~ Bailey ~
cgriff4ever
cgriff4ever
Bailey, to me it seems the weeks go by so slow, but then when they are gone, so fast. I think I'm also waiting, not sure for what. Maybe for my days to not be so sad, and me to get back to a more new normal. Next thing we know, it will be our time to leave this earth. So I made a conscious effort to life, and not wait for life to come to me. I am however being gentle, and being a lazy butt too. You are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with recognizing that more time since the passing of your sweet love. much love and big hugs carla
sandeestttn
sandeestttn
I stated that early on in my grieving process. I kept asking, what am I waiting for?? And now after 3 years, if finally feels like I am not waiting for anything anymore. I am at your age also. Must be a phase we go through.. Sandee
sandeestttn
sandeestttn
When I realized I was healing. I was outside doing yard work. I wasn't thinking at all. I looked up, and there was a truck like his coming down the street. My thought was, I don't have supper fixed yet, and ran in the house. I jerked food out of the fridge to start cooking. Then it hit me. He wasn't coming home, ever again. It hit me hard. Then I realized I hadn't thought about him most of the day, hadn't cried. I can do this, and you can too. Sandee
scottito
scottito
Bailey, I'm 57, and I too feel like I'm in a holding pattern. I just wrote a friend that I don't know what I'm waiting on except to get better, and have no clue what lies ahead for me. All I know for sure is that Juanita's death sure screwed up my plans -- I had it all figured out except the part that she wouldn't be here with me until my end. Dang it, she was the one that took good care of herself, did everything in moderation, never abused her body. So I too wait for what I do not know. ~~ Scottie
maryelnew
maryelnew
I often feel the same way, I think it's because at 10 months in I still have not fully carved out a new identity for myself. I still have some affairs to tie up and work to do before I fill the void or no longer being a wife and not having my best friend to turn to to help me through this unwanted journey of self discovery. He was always my biggest advocate with undying faith in me no matter what the undertaking. I miss that it leaves me with the feeling of waiting. Oddly though, my time goes by very fast and here I am at 10 months not understanding how come i not further along in my journey,
scottito
scottito
Bailey, I've been changing a lot while in this holding pattern. I used to try to obtain the answers to everything, and if I didn't know a question to ask, I'd ask, "Why don't I have any questions?" So I find that for the most part I've just stopped asking and have come to understand that I have no understanding except to know that I don't understand. I am reminded that as part of my project redecorating my house, I bought a picture to hang that has a saying that I've found myself using heavily these past months. The picture says simply, "It is...What it is". Pretty much sums it up for me. So simple yet so profound. So I see my layers are just peeling off me like an onion skin. And that my friend, is a good thing. ~~ Scottie
sassiesoftail
sassiesoftail
Yes an excellent subject. I to am waiting and don't know what for. If someone has the answer I would love to know.
Hugs, Sandi
dariamiro
dariamiro
At 5 months I am also waiting. I make sure that i am as busy as I can be while waiting. Maybe if I just finish one more project, the wait will be over... Most days I wake up with a thought: here i am, one more day closer to you, my love.
loveddogs
loveddogs
I do understand the "what are we waiting for"? I guess I to believe that each day that goes by brings me one day closer to him! Yet I do try to enjoy the time I spend with my kids, grands, pets and friends. It's just that nothing is the same or will it ever be without him here to share. Hugs and Love to all, Michele
tableforone
tableforone
When the question changes from "what am I waiting for?" to "why am I waiting?" then life truly begins to change, The "what" question seems to hold us in one place, tied to the past. We need that at first but we can't let ourselves get stuck there. It's no place to live. The "why" question is motivational, as in "why not!". Our past isn't gone. We'll always carry it with us and the good memories will always be there to think about and cherish. They sustain us as we discover our future and our future is out there, so all we need ask is "Why not?".
~John
metwodogs
metwodogs
The first few weeks I felt that way. Everyday was one more day without him. But at this stage -5 1/2 months- I look at the time differently. Now, I'm one day closer to reinventing and accepting my life. I still miss him, but he would want me to be happy. So, now I'm trying to figure what I want. I even started planning a spring vacation. My very wise Mother always told me that 'life was adapting and then readapting.' So, everyday is a step into my new life. Peace & Hugs. Jo
carrie415
carrie415
What I feel when I get like that, and I also often do, I am waiting for the day that I can truly say I went an entire day, weekend without a pain in my heart and a tear in my eye. So I also feel like I am waiting for what?? I'm glad you put into words what I am feeling but I do not have an answer for.
pj1952
pj1952
I have been widowed over 3 years and I wish this was not my truth, but I'm waiting to die. Nothing has changed. The world stopped. I have had no human companionship since my husband died. I could have never imagined a life like I now am leading. I am hanging on because I have a beautiful soul (dog) to care for. After that.....nothing. pj1952
jeffpatton
jeffpatton
I was told I should take this one minute at a time, then one hour, then one day at a time...

So I too have been waiting... and you all are right... waiting for what? It's weird.

I too feel like I'm just passing time. My work will get by without me. I don't have many friends that would miss me beyond the initial few weeks.

There are days that I wonder if I got car jacked, would I hand over the keys or tell them to go spit... if they kill me would that be so bad? I'd be with her again I think, I hope I will...

But we are creatures of survival... it's in our genes... we survive...
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm waiting to exhale. I've taken a huge breath in [actually a gasp] and now I'm waiting until I can let it all out!

Nothing looks, smells, tastes or feels the same. NOTHING!

I'm a joyful woman, at least I used to be.....I'm sure there's still joy in the world, I'm just not feeling it yet!

It's all so tentative, so passing, so unreal still. When will I awaken from this? When will I find ME again?

Ah! To awaken from this grieving slumber and spread my joyful self with the world again.........

Roz
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • cedarbrooke

    As I Get Older....

    Posted by: cedarbrooke
    Last Reply: JazzyLady
    4
  • billwfriend

    I cannot get a cut and paste to post

    Posted by: billwfriend
    Last Reply: cedarbrooke
    5
    Old Hillbilly Wisdom:Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.The best sermons are lived, not preached.If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the...