I am at 19 months this weekend and I still (and will always) wear my wedding ring. In addition, I continue to talk about John when appropriate. He was a part of my life since I was 21 years old for 35 years so if I talk about my past, of course, he was the major part of my past. He was the love of my life and my best friend. He continues on in me. I don't purposely mention his name, but, as you said, if it is relevant, I certainly do so. If people are uncomfortable with me talking about my beloved, I figure that is there problem and not mine. Of course, when discussing things since 8/6/09, I don't mention John because he isn't share this life that I must now live without him. I think we are just being who we are. Love, Jude

Laura, as you know, I'm over 3 years out and remarried, but I still talk about Cliff all the time. Why shouldn't I? He was the one who shared 30 years worth of my life's adventures. What am I supposed to do - refer to him as Mr. X?? LOL! I get some funny looks sometimes, but frankly I don't care. I became a widow, I didn't enter the Witness Protection Program.....

I think it would be awful to act as though they never existed. I can't do that, and I don't think I should have to.

Love and Hugs, Martha

I lost my husband of 39 years almost two years ago now. In the beginning the hardest thing was to say ''I'' and not ''We'' - it really took a long time. Of course I talk about him all the time - even now. I see that we are the same age too. My feelings on your question is that you should have more of a conversation with this man, if you bump into him in your building. Say hello - ask a question - engage him, and talk about what you are working on/doing now. Ask him about his life. People love to talk (?). I wear my Grandmother's wedding band on top, and my Husband's wedding band on the bottom of my middle finger of my right hand (too big otherwise for any other fingers) I had my engagement ring made into a simple pennant - just something I wanted to do - to me, in my opinion it's just a symbol, and I didn't have any regrets making my wedding band and engagement ring into a pennant (except the first time I took them off to give to the jeweler). My memories are still there. If I ever find someone, I would want to tell him all about my husband, because that's my history - just like I would want to know all about him. Good luck with this - I know it's hard. Being a widow/widower makes you into a people person in my opinion - it brings fundamental truths to light - that we have loved someone so much, and they loved us. Why would we be afraid to talk about that? Two years brings new thoughts and problems I think. Glad we can help each other here - that's my intention. Vicki

It will soon be 3 years for me and I find myself doing the same thing. I just can't say my late husband.

Laura - of course I do. It's either that, or negate the 24 years and talk about stuff from when I was in my 20's; I don't think so! This is our life - these are our experiences. And more times than not, it's a funny recounting. I've noticed this, recently, too - customers, well aware that Joe is dead, still saying "you guys" when referring to something about the business. I find it endearing. Like Jude said, sometimes it's just a natural part of conversation. I also find that people who've been through grief in their own lives (not just a spouse) find it very natural to talk openly. I really don't think that what you're doing is over kill - I think you're just reacting within the comfort of what you feel at the moment. Hugs, Marsha

I absolutely love the phrase, "i became a widow, i didnt enter the witness protection program" hahaha, i'm gonna use that.

I am at 3 years and 2 months, and yes if the conversation is fitting I talk about Lance, and things we did. Not speaking of him, is like erasing 27 years of MY life and existence too.

I have found that others share memories of their past adventures, likes, memories, vacations, holidays etc. and it is ok because their spouse is still with them, with us it becomes a conversation stopper, or we are looked at like we live in the past.
It is what it is. I am going to share when appropriate.

I was forced to stop wearing my wedding ring 6 months after when the diamond fell out. I did wear his though through the end of this past year, then I decided to remove it out of respect for him when I started dating.

Just be you that is what is most important.

Hugs, Denise

Just about at the 2 year mark here and yes, I still talk about Mike when the conversation warrants it. He had a very dry sense of humour and I find myself using some of his somewhat "offbeat" phrases. I try to restrict my memories to family and friends that knew him but it does not always work out that way.
No shame in it and if a new man does not like it, well...sorry about your luck pal.
My 2 cents.
Cindy xxoo

I'm making an effort not to do that, though some will differ on that opinion. I think you have to do what is comfortable to you. I've never been one to hang on to the past, so I'm forcing myself to move. As I said , it's not for everyone. I still wear my ring. It will be a year at the end of March. I'll take it off then.

It's hard, but I'm determined to move on. My husband is in Heaven where he is well taken care of. Now, there is just me and I've got to let go. No choice.

It is NOT "overkill". I agree with you. You sound so much like me.
I am talking more about Donnie because now after almost 30 months, I CAN wihout breaking down. He was part of everthing I said and did for 44 years. I was 17 and he was 19, so yes, it was almost all of my life. I'm not very outgoing (neither was he). We enjoyed each other and our family. My dark cloud has eased some. Thank the Lord!! You are just fine, so don't worry what people might think. They (our husbands) were VERY important and still are. Hugs to you, Darlene

Today marks 20 months since Carlos passed away and I talk about him everyday with my family and friends. He was a great guy who loved life and enjoyed the simple things therefore everything reminds us of him. He loved to sing therefore when I stop at my mom and a song is playing they would usually say I imagine Carlos singing or remember when he did this or that.

Thanks for your comments everyone; good to know I am not the only one doing this! Martha, I love that line about not being in the witness protection program! laurabp

15 months here and I wear my rings, though I wear them on my right hand now. I still feel like I am married. We didn't divorce, he died. We would still be married so I still wear the rings. I find myself adding him to conversations as well. He was part of my life for 36 years, so why not. Most of my life was spent with him, therefore when I respond to something it would naturally have included us. I suppose one day the scales will tip the other direction and I will have more "me" or "I' moments then the conversations will be different, but for now there is still much more "we" then "me" time. I also just can't say "late husband" I tried saying it once or twice and almost threw up. Guess I'm not ready for that. Dating? I can't even imagine.

I'm at 10 months since I lost Tom. I still talk about him a lot, I say "we" instead of "I". I think I'm handling it all pretty well and my family is not worrying about me being a basket case. But the ring is on and the pronouns are confused and when, rarely, someone does talk to me about him, I cry. My close friends are there for me all the time, but most of them avoid talking about Tom. Most of them don't know how to reminise (i know, i can't spell) and get uncomfortable trying. But I know they care.

I don't want to date, I don't want someone else in my life, I don't want to change my fairly comfortable life, but I wish I had someone to talk to. I think that my friend who lost his wife and within a year had remarried a widow was trying to tell me this some months ago. That they could talk to each other about their spouses, and that led to a deeper relationship. I'm both envious and really can't imagine it.

I really can't say much more than has already been said ,It's been 2 months shy of 5 years and we too were 17 1nd 19 when we married and I'm 65 I feel like we made each other who we are today , so he'll always be there in my conversations with no regrets., don't let anyone tell you how to do things, you're alone now , not by choice, so live until the lord takes you back to him.