Thank you everyone for your advice. It has given me some ideas. I KNOW Low self esteem, skin hunger and loneliness WERE NOT contributing factors in choosing to date. The girls do not want their world to change and their "papa" was the only father figure they have ever known. I understand their not wanting to replace his image. I think taking t slower, showing them more attention when we are together and doing things they'll enjoy will help. I had been in counseling for a year after my husband committed suicide. My granddaughters also attending counseling and a grief summer camp. During my fight with cancer, losing my mother then my husband committing suicide a few weeks later, I have never once felt life was fair. I feel blessed that the Lord is by my side carrying me through my toughest time. I am grateful that I am still alive-I am grateful I can provide my grandchildren with a stable loving home and they are not in foster care (which is where they would have been). I prayed about doing the right thing when I chose to start dating. I continue to pray for guidance. Thanks again everyone, you have been helpful

Woops, I meant to say During my fight with cancer, losing my mother then my husband committing suicide a few weeks later, I have never once felt life was NOT fair.

I started dating at 18 months, too. It was such a relief to have the profound pain finally go away and be able to even think of a future. Your kids should be relieved, too, that you've been relieved of the gripping pain.

Good for you. We all need to move on at some point. We didn't ask to be in this situation, but we are. I know my wife would want me to be happy, so at some point I hope to date again (I'm only at 9 weeks now).
I wish I could give you some advice concerning your grandchildren. They are pretty young so I don't know how well trying to reason with them would be. You may want to take it slow, but you need to live your life too.

Good for you. Sit your Grand children down and explain to them how you fulfilled your vows to their Grand Father and are now a lonely single person etc. also that you will never forget your Husband as he was part of your life for however long. You do have a right to your happiness and they will come around. Hugs & success.

I am not a grandparent, but I am the mother of young children. Kids go through a lot in their grief and it sounds like they have had more than their share. I agree with those that suggested therapy. They are being thrown into a new situation and it may be difficult for them to show more than anger at this point. Thrusting a new man into their fragile lives could do more harm than good. This is not all about you. It is about the structure of a family. Talk with a counselor and get the kids involved. I suggest keeping your grandchildren distanced from your new friend till they can form an objective opinion. They need to grow a lot in the maturity department and having someone to vent to would benefit them at this time. They should not see intimacy between you and your friend. This will do nothing more than make them more angry than they already are.

I realize you have "fulfilled your vows" as another person commented. You also have the right to your choice in happiness. Just take time for these kids to get a grip on life and death.

Wishing you luck,

Maggie

Paula1865 said this the best that I could ever imagine. You have some great help here through all of these replies. Hope that everything works out for you and the children :-)

As I would be told...good for you, to pick up the pieces and move on. I found out on my own that I'm not ready to date yet. Who's to say what time is the right or wrong time to start dating again. Maybe the grandkids need some counseling to get through this time of their lives.

Books are examples of fictional or experiencial life and not guidelines for us to live by. To me it is unfair and really offensive to expect anyone to follow guidelines we may personally believe in. Take all comments and responses as individual personal opinions and continue to follow your own beliefs of what you know to be right for you.

With that in mind, I waited until I knew it was time to be active in dating. I was not replacing my husband of 40 years, or acting out of loneliness. I entered the world again as myself, not knowing if my life would bring me a relationship or a friend. I was rewarded with both. Although I will always hold my husband in my heart it does not proclude my having my life.

I have children who struggled (past tense) with my going out with friends, especially when it was obvious I had found someone very special. I made sure I had special times with them (children) and we talked about wanting each other to be happy. You are on the right track with your post and happiness can be yours again in this new life you have been forced into.

Your grandchildren will learn from your example and your talks with them. Combined with the necessary therapy they will grow in wisdom and strength. You are doing a wonderful thing for them and I applaud your choices. Sharon

Getting & receiving support for dating is fine ~
However, it doesn't solve your problem w/the grandkids ~
I still suggest family counseling for all 3 of you to work together as a family ~
While therapy may or may not change their minds, they can learn to live w/it just as you will ~

Good luck ~

* LIfe is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it ~
Charles Swindoll *

And at your finger tips are the grandkid's grief counselors, you could ask their advice if you haven't already ~
Good luck ~

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It's not about what it is, it's about what it can become.
Dr. Seuss, The Lorax