Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Single or Married?

Katexyz123
Katexyz123
This is probably a strange thing to ask, but am I now considered single? You know how when you have papers to complete & there is always that box to check, Married or Single. Then on a W4 (just started a new job) do I check married, or single or married but withhold at a higher single rate? Honestly I have no idea. I was at my doctors the other month & this was the first time I had to check the widow box. It was horrible. It was like it just hit me. I am a widow at the age of 53. I never thought this is where I would be at this stage of my life. But now I have noticed that the widow box is not on many forms. So that leads me back to my original question, am I now considered single? Sorry, I guess I better try to get some sleep. I am just not making much sense.
John1962
John1962
It's a whole new and different world we are having to adapt to, something nine of us anticipated. I still wear my ring after 6 months, in my heart, I am married, but on paper apparently I am single (widowed)

One day it might all make sense.
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
You are single.

It hit me when I had to change the beneficiaries on my pension plan and there was no box for 'widow'. I got so upset, and the poor pension lady was speechless. I never thought that I would be a widow at 50 - I always knew Cliff would go first, but I hoped he would get his wish - to live to be 125! He always said it would take him that long to get everything done that he wanted to do. LOL! Unfortunately, he was only 55 when he passed. Neither of us got our wish....

Love and Hugs,
Martha
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
P.S. - The only exceptions to this is if you have dependents at home. If you do, then the second year you file your taxes as "Qualifying Widow" which means you are taxed at the Married rate, which gives you some breaks. I think that's for 2 years, then you switch over to Head of Household or Single.

Hugs....
tlsom
tlsom
On legal documents that do not have a widow option, we have to select single. It was extremely upsetting to have to do that...I was relieved when one form I had to do had widowed as an option. More forms should have it but they don't. Being widowed is drastically different than being single but the legal forms don't care about that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
At first I began to use the title of widowed but as time went on I began to realize that in the same as you, your choices are being married or single. I have switched to single.
handg
handg
After 15 months I still struggle with that one...At 48 I was now "single" Not by choice , not because of Divorce but by law I am considered single. In my heart though I am still married but am now at the crossroad that is realizing that it is time to accept that I am no longer married and that I am on another phase of my journey. I am doing this in order to continue moving forward in a healthy manner. I am not interested in a new relationship , I just want to let go of some of the pain. I fully understand that he is in my heart forever but no I am no longer married.
BrokenGeo
BrokenGeo
Kate, the legalities of paperwork aside, you are whatever you feel you are. If you decide now to still consider yourself, on a personal level, still married (as I do after almost one year) Then so be it. In time if you decide to change that, that's your decision and yours alone. What you feel personally is all that counts and don't let anybody tell you any differently.
Paperwork is a pain in the *** but it has to be done and it has to be filled out as to what the law requires in your particular jurisdiction.

Best Regards, George
lrs55
lrs55
Yes, this is a tough one to experience the first year, checking the boxes. I know that some people don't like the term widow but I much prefer it to single. It was interesting to me that I found it easier to LIVE my single state rather than have to declare it on a piece of paper. I guess declaring it makes it seem more official or something. I will always use the term widow for myself, however, whenever that is possible.
greyhounder
greyhounder
At 5 months I still wear my rings. Reading all of these post made me cry. Guess I have not filled out any forms that required me to have to make this decision.
LostAndFeelingAlone
LostAndFeelingAlone
Yea, it does hit like a ton of bricks. For my W-2, there was only 2 choices. Single or Married. I had to check Single.

My income-tax preparer claims the tax taken out for Head of Household and Single are the same. Qualified Widow means you have dependents, which have some tax breaks. IRS doesn't give a break to widows without kids. None that I know of. None that my tax preparer told me about.
marysch
marysch
I'm legally single but I'll always be married and I still wear my wedding rings. ...
gerald222
gerald222
Reluctantly single.
michaelbmanning
michaelbmanning
Single as far as the IRS is concerned. Hey, people, it is a government entity. We are all numbers so this is not something to get bent out of shape about. No one can have a personal relationship with the IRS. As far as things like the kids schools, I am married. Those five kids did not come from the cabbage patch.

Maggie
Truhal
Truhal
There are now two definitions of single--the legal one and the social one. When I was young, a single person was someone who'd never been married. Now, you hear stuff like Justin Bieber is single because he and Selena broke up. Yet, they were never married.

The 21st century definition of single is someone who is not in a relationship. Thus, George Clooney is no longer single and neither is anyone with a steady boyfriend or girlfriend. By that definition, and speaking for many of us who've lost the love of our lives, we are not single as we're still in a relationship with our spouses even though they are no longer here.

I mean, George Clooney would still check the single box, but no one under 50 would say he's single.
BrokenGeo
BrokenGeo
OMG Truhal, you just had to mention Justin Bieber didn't you, I'm embarrassed, I'm Canadian.

Geo