I really don't know if there is a right answer to your question...as everyone on here says every person is different on how they handle their grief..or should I say how their grief handles them. I am at 14 months and I am able to enjoy life, work and move forward with my life. My husband would have wanted nothing less..he loved life to much and I don't want to waste a day because life is precious. You may need to try grief groups or a therapist..or this may just be your normal progress....but if you still rather stay in bed all day I would talk it over with your doctor and see what he says about it...

Fallen...,

I believe it gets better when the need to experience life, joy, laughter, and gratefulness surpasses the turmoil of pain and darkness that we unintentionally slipped into. Of all the wonderful counseling to sustain us, friends who help to steady us, and self-help books and devotionals to strengthen us, the inner need to experience the joy of life once again is an instrument that pushes us out of the darkness of loss into the hope for a joy-filled future.

It is a journey studded with pitfalls, but if we keep our goal of living and not just residing in an empty shell in sight, I believe we find our way out of the grief tunnel. This road to our new future is difficult traveling, indeed, but when has anything that has been worthwhile come easily into our lives? Hang on tight. In one of the books I read, they called it Acceptance With Joy. Wow, that is a really worthy goal but oh so wrought with tears! I just keep prodding along and refuse to take my eyes off that goal. Blessings to you. TJ

My heart goes out to you. I know the pain you are feeling. You probably have had lots of advice and may be tired of it. I think where there is a huge whole in our lives, something has to fill it up. It can be something good or not good. It can never be what we WANT it to be. It's like multiple choice, A, B, or C. If they don't give you a D, you can't have D. And that is what we would all like to have, a choice that is not an option. Of course, not knowing your personal circumstances, no one can give you the magic answer for your life. I will only speak on what has helped me. I am at one year. I refuse to be around anyone or anything that makes me hurt more that I already am. I find joy in just being with my family one on one. Like I take my daughter to lunch once a week. I look forward to that. I babysit my 4 yr old grandson and feel so loved by him. My church friends have been wonderful, listening to me, bearing with me when I cry, which I have a lot. I also enjoy going into my yard and looking at beauty, a bird's song, or the silly stray cats that love my yard. I love them, too. They have been tossed aside and the animal shelters in 2 counties are full and can take no more. Some people enjoy writing. I don't. I do make myself get up and get dressed every day and keep the kitchen and bathroom clean. I eat out some. At first I could only bear going to the drive up lane, but now I have worked myself up to going in alone and sitting alone and eating alone. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. One day a week I volunteer (vacuuming the church). That makes me feel needed. I will pray for you that you will find whatever it is that will help you begin to accept the finality of your previous life. It's the cruelist thing I had ever had to deal with. Nothing will ever bring him back. I agree with the others' remarks here, too.
Kathleen

Bless your heart ~ I'm so sorry - That seems like such a stupid thing to say, but I AM sorry. The first year was HORRIBLE for me, and I didn't begin feeling better until I was into my second year. I was a TOTAL basket case that first year. I don't even remember ANY of it. functioned but I swear a clone did it. LOL

By the second year, I could talk about Dave without collapsing in a puddle of tears. I would still cry frequently, but I TRIED to do that in private - I didn't always succeed.

It does get easier - better. My husband died a horrible death from cancer. He battled it so bravely, but it just ravaged his body. I nursed him here at home like he wanted. When he died here, it was difficult to stay in this house for awhile - but later I found that it was a comfort. Now I wouldn't leave here for anything. He's been gone now for going on 10 years.

You should be coming close to when you start smiling/laughing again. You'll remember all the FUN things you and Gene did together - all the great times you had - and you won't fall apart at the seams. You'll start wanting to get out of the house to do SOMETHING -- even if it's just to go get groceries -- that will seem like a treat! LOL Believe me, dearheart -- it will get easier very soon. Just take things a day at a time. And be patient. You have all of us here to help. God bless you. Hugs, Lee

Thank you all for responding with your words of care and wisdom. I'm trying to move on but seem some days are just tougher than others to get through.

Sometimes, it is necessary to live minute by minute and not day by day. Some days ARE harder than others. There is no magic wand to wave to make things get better. As time passes, we will climb out of the hole, but some days will be worse than others.
We all mourn in different ways and there is no set time frame for the process. I am just so thankful that this group is here for us. Love to you all. Judith

It's been a little over a year for me and things are much better. My crying has slowed to a crawl and I'm learning more and more about who I really am. I'm convinced that I can problem-solve anything or at least find someone who can help, so the fear of being on my own is gone. Now I'm working on the fear that Mike will somehow fade in my memory. This seems strange because we were married for 28 years and I know I won't forget him, but I do worry because my life has changed so much without him . So I don't mind crying because I consider it a tribute to the strong love we had and I never want to lose that. I pray for peace to your heart.

You should feel the way that you feel "until." Your feelings are always the right feelings for you. Yes we all walk different paths and we are all walking at different paces, but you are right where you should be right now. Wherever you are is where you should be. You cannot pretend your way out of this life. It is for you what it is for you. The sooner we get okay with all of our feelings and emotions, the sooner we value ourselves enough to force ourselves to move forward, but it has to be when WE are ready...not on someone elses time line. Lots of hugs being sent your way sweetie.
-Diana

I am in month 18...and I am better than I was. I will always feel empty inside...he is the love of my life...but someday I will see him again...I pray that your pain eases for you too. It is a day by day journey...tomorrow may find me in the depths of sorrow again...today is I am okay...~ blessings~ Debbie...:)

Hugs, this is a hard journey we are on. I noticed you said you were trying to move on. Maybe if you think of it another way, it would help. Moving on seems like forgetting the past, living life to honor our loved one is more positive. We will always miss them and have that special spot in our hearts.

Dar