Widows & Widowers Support Group

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Should I be the better person?

Uniz
Uniz

As I stated on my post the 30th my husband's sister lost her husband, of course the same day as my husband died. I have not spoken to her or her sister in over a year. They basically pushed me out of their lives and don't call or let me know things that go on with their families.  Since Friday I haven't talked to either one. I saw funeral arrangements on facebook, had to text to find out who was doing flowers for their half brother etc. My daughter has been trying to tell me to get over my grudge as you never know when life is going to end. I know she is going to try to get me to go to the visitation but the way I see it, I wasn't good enough to be invited to their wedding so why should I attend funeral services, especially since I didn't even know him? The other things that bother me is the funeral is the day after my husband's and I fear he will be buried near my husband.  Should I just put my feelings aside, as no one understands them, and go to the visitation with my daughter or just stop thinking about it and try to go on with my life? This is consuming my thoughts and making me very anxious. I need advice PLEASE!!!!

kezama1231
kezama1231
Do whatever u want with your life.If it makes you happy and is the right thing to do why be scared of it,right.
Veronica77
Veronica77
I think I would just go to the funeral and not the visitation just to show my respect. If that is too much I wouldn't go to the funeral either. They pushed you out of their lives and I don't think you should worry too much about them after a year of not seeing them. Life is too short to spend on these kind of situations!
roxanne809
roxanne809
Do what you feel is the right thing to do. There is no do-over so do what you can live with and not regret. Roxanne
Uniz
Uniz
That's the problem, I don't know what is right. I'm so hurt by the way they have treated me that I don't want anything to do with them. When I try to explain things to people they don't want understand. I feel as if they really cared about the 28 years I was with their brother they wouldn't leave me out of family happenings. I'm just torn and hurt.
staygolden3
staygolden3
I have walked your path and I know exactly how you feel. I have learned to do what I truly want. I just don't go and I no longer feel guilty. No need to explain yourself to anyone either. They're going to talk about you either way so really, what's the difference?
It is hurtful when you've been there all those years for them yet when it's your turn to be the one in need, they aren't there for you. It's a hard pill to swallow but nonetheless it does go down eventually. Frankly, I feel better out of the loop and drama. Life is much more peaceful and I am much more content.
On a side note, it took a while after my husband passed for me to even be able to go to a funeral. I know some people were disappointed that I didn't show up to some so soon after, but I just hoped that they understood and I sent a card with my deepest sympathy.
Do what's in your heart and accept that as the right thing for you....
Warm hugs....
Darcie
roxanne809
roxanne809
Of course, you are hurt; and I would be, too. Since your daughter wants you to go, you two go together - visitation and/or funeral. After that, you can make the decision as to whether you still want them in your life. I just wouldn't want you to have any regrets.
SandyZal
SandyZal
In most normal circumstances I would say get over it, but when you're grieving and in pain you need to do whatever makes you feel right. This is so difficult under any circumstances so you need to take care of you right now.
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