Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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janni1234 04/25/2013

I took stock the other day and realized how lousy I'm eating now that I have no one to shop or cook for. For the first few weeks I couldn't eat at all.

Then, once a little appetite came back, I tried living on fruit and veggie juices. I made a good effort to be among people by going to the Y and a yoga class. And what did I get for that effort - ? - a partially torn ankle tendon! I've been limping around for a month now and got put in one of those boots last week.

But now to my point. I got discouraged. I've lost interest in food. Black coffee and oatmeal in the morning is my best qualifying meal. After that the rest of the day usually is rice cakes with peanut butter. Being an insulin dependant diabetic I force myself to have a bedtime snack or almond milk or a fruit gel-cup.

But my fridge/freezer isn't stocked with anything decent. When I go shopping I just think what would my husband like, and end up buying nothing. Have any of the rest of you gotten back to any kind of normalcy? If you did, how did you do it?

deleted_user 04/25/2013

It took a few years, the kids & I were into fast food or delivery. That was a chore in itself since we 3 wanted food from different places. I didn't have the energy to stand around trying to get everyone to compromise or decide on going to 2 places instead of 3; one, never!

I finally started cooked again when my body started craving fruites & veggies. Before that time, food was only for survival ...

Grocery shopping was a bummer to say the least. I caught myself many times puting DH's favorites food or drinks in the basket, then I'd cry while putting them all back. I was also like yourself in thinking about what DH would like for dinner, but then I'd run to McDonald's for the kids. Arrgh!

Every step of the way without our spouse takes time. The so-called new life.is filled with change & adjustments -

As it is, its good that you are maintaining a regular breakfast meal & taking care of your diabetes to the best of your ability

Take care ~

deleted_user 04/25/2013

I am at six months, and I'm still having trouble. Shoping is a bore. I am eating fast food and other types of garbage. Oh and wine! Don't forget the wine. Every week I say Monday is going to be different, I am going to start on a healthy plan, but it's always next Monday...Well maybe this Monday womething will come of it!

sandeestttn 04/25/2013

I always cooked or a army.....my hubby liked pasta, pasta, pasta....potatoes...since he weighed so little, i fed him the fat starchy foods...I gave away tons of pasta....now I find my freezer, twp refrigerator freezers full of stuff I can't eat... my diabetes is 520..... urgh...but i get to where I don't feel like going to store, so I grab something out of there. I eat raw oatmeal for breakfast, and coffee, coffee, tea..thn mcdonalds takes over, have to have my carb fix..then give myself shots of insulin

..this weekend is the worlds largest Teapot festival.. my grandkids are going to be in band, and playing the sports for it. So I know, junkfood is coming , bbq, corndogs, funnel cakes, my kids are the worse at it, this won't make a difference, that won't hurt. I can't get them to understand, its my health. I think they are trying to kill me, so they don't have to bother with me anymore...lol

deleted_user 04/25/2013

I used to only shop for the things my husband would want to eat. I am a widow since January and although my fridge is not well stocked anymore, I am giving myself permission to buy and eat what I like now. Nor more wasted food, that makes me to feel good. I am also giving myself permission to eat when I want. If I feel like I would like to eat my my main meal around 2 p.m. - I do it! Having pets around helps. I was a caretaker for several years now have a cat and dog to care for and they are always grateful and happy to see me. Hope that I wont crash in future years but right now I am coping. Have good friends to talk and to cry with. That helps.

deleted_user 04/25/2013

Oh how can relate to this. Everytime I go to the store, which is something I don't like to do now. I think of my husband and what he likes. Trying to buy now for myself, is a chore. I don't buy anything which pretains to a meal. Just isn't the same anymore. Life will never be the same. Normalcy, whats that?

I finally did buy some things, just because the fridge is running with hardly anything in it. lol

lostmygem 04/25/2013

I am at almost 6 months and I used to eat right. All the right fruits/veggies, organic chicken, fish, etc....we used to cook together. He would grill and I would do our sides. Now,my dinner most nights is oatmeal w/fruit or waffles and ice cream. Doesn't that sound healthy, and I struggle every week saying I"m going to do better next week, oh and Paula, yes the wine too...before I lost my hub the last time I drank was probably two years ago, now last night. So yes, you are not alone in the crap for meals dept and btw..my fridge has milk, eggs and butter in it.

deleted_user 04/25/2013

I'm farther along than you (I'm at 18 months), and for a long time I wasn't eating well. I could eat if someone was with me, or came over and cooked for me, but I got very sad going to the store to shop for myself.
That evolved, over time though. I realized that my husband and I had been eating a lot of processed food and even though it sounded healthy, it wasn't. A health concern forced me to re-evaluate what I ate, and now I've actually learned to enjoy cooking for myself.
I don't do it every day, but I'm also eating things that Bill didn't like. Like roasted beets and fresh brussels sprouts. I cook a lot on the grill, use a lot of fresh foods and have fixed my health issue and am finally losing a little weight.
It will happen for you. If you enjoyed cooking before, you'll get that back. It takes time. And those days will come along that you don't feel like doing anything but popping something in the microwave. So just make sure you have something halfway healthy.
Good luck with this ...

marjoe 04/25/2013

Well, Janni, it depends on your definition of normal (spoken with tongue firmly in cheek!). Joe was an OTR driver for a lot of our marriage, home on weekends, and sometimes 2 weeks gone. So cooking for myself, and doing a lot of leftovers isn't alien to me. I do that now as well. And the wine? Hello?? Plus, I'm a stress cooker. If I'm feeling wonky I get that soup pot on. I don't necessarily eat it, mind you. I need to start sending you all care packages, lol. And grocery shopping? Hell in the beginning, purgatory later on, and now it's ok - as long as I have a specific list, otherwise I start wandering the aisles like a lost soul. But diabetes is serious, and you need to care for yourself, sweetie. I'm not preaching!

deleted_user 04/25/2013

Oh I relate! I cooked for many while our kids were growing up...their friends frequently were here...to my delight. When they moved out, I made what my husband preferred.

Because I like everything and anything...I just ate what everybody else liked.

Now after 45 yrs...I was LOST feeding just me. I had no idea how to do that. Grocery shopping was a brand new challenge...a sad one at first...but I'm adjusting to choosing things that I LIKE that I didn't buy before. It's not yet "fun"...but I am being more adventurous.

sandeestttn 04/25/2013

I have a big gas grill.... for 1?... So, I went a bought a very small charcoal grill. Well, I really wanted a grilled hot dog. there were 8 in there. 8 meals, so I felt kinda guilty stokes up that small grill foe 1 hot dog, so I cooked 4. had one for supper and put the other 3 in a baggie in the fridge. So, for 4 nights in a row, I had hotdogs...I also did that way for 3 hambugers. someone made soup for me, when he died, I ate that soup for lunch, and supper for a week. then thre the rest away.

I do a lot of eating over the sink too, saves on dishes...

katerlou 04/26/2013

It has been six months for me. Like you, I couldn't really eat in the first two weeks. Then I started back eating and craving sweets. I know I am eating just b/c I feel empty. I keep trying to tell myself, that I have to wake up and start eating better, but it is not happening.

It is very hard for me to grocery shop. My husband worked in a grocery store for 33 yrs. Not only do I go there and see the food he loved, but remember him working there. I try to shop at places that aren't really grocery stores. That way it doesn't seem to hurt as much.

May be like some of you I will try to eat healthy next week????

roxanne809 04/26/2013

It has been over three years since I lost my husband, and I am yet to eat healthy regular meals. If I go to the grocery store and shop, I end up throwing food away that has gone bad in the refrigerator. I just cannot get myself to cook, and I always loved to cook. I only cook now for holidays and special occasions. I eat yogurt and cereal, salads, carry-out, and other fast food. I am diabetic and know I am doing all the wrong things, but I just can't seem to help myself. I have always had a weight problem so have joined a weight loss thing to start next week. Maybe this will work, who knows? All I truly know is that my world has been turned upside down, and I just cannot seem to get back into any kind of normal routine including eating. You would think it would be better after three years, but I also lost two brothers since my husband that has compounded my grief. Still trying to make sense of it all . . .
Roxanne

silverfoxwife 04/26/2013

My husband used to shop for grocery, I just push the cart for him. Now I seldom go to the stores he used to shop. I bought bulk veggie but couldn't finish them ended up in the garbage. My quick solutions were to eat out with my younger daughter or microwave veggies and store bought roasted chicken. I have problem controlling eating late at night watching TV to pass time. Now I found another focus to try to cook for my younger daughter who just gave birth. We can all agreed that eating alone is no fun.

jewells1 04/27/2013

Thank you all for sharing, I read with a smile that this seems to be universal for us. My dinner is sometimes a bowl of toastios. I prefer the honey coated ones. I too am a diabetic. After being used to cooking my meals backwards for my husband because of his schedule iam finding it hard to break that mindset. We had taco's and enchilada's, meatloaf etc. For brunch. When he got home it was pancakes, omelets and oatmeal. Breakfast was and is coffee and a slice of toast if I am ambitous. I keep thinking that a meal exchange with another might be nice since I can't figure out how to make chili for one, and three days of chili is too much. :)

deleted_user 04/27/2013

I have a goal for gradually...eventually. :-)

Because I find it so difficult to cook for one...after having made such big meals...I plan to make and freeze meals for myself when I do make too much. I've tried commercial TV dinners, etc...but I find they all begin to taste alike.

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