Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I read this and thought I would share it for what it is worth...
15 Things I Wish Id Known About Grief
After a year of grief, Ive learned a lot. Ive also made some mistakes along the way. Today, I jotted down 15 things I wish Id known about grief when I started my own process.
by Teryn O'Brien
I pass this onto anyone on the journey.1. You will feel like the world has ended. I promise, it hasnt. Life will go on, slowly. A new normal will come, slowly.
2. No matter how bad a day feels, it is only a day. When you go to sleep crying, you will wake up to a new day.
3. Grief comes in waves. You might be okay one hour, not okay the next. Okay one day, not okay the next day. Okay one month, not okay the next. Learn to go with the flow of what your heart and mind are feeling.
4. Its okay to cry. Do it often. But its okay to laugh, too. Dont feel guilty for feeling positive emotions even when dealing with loss.
5. Take care of yourself, even if you dont feel like it. Eat healthily. Work out. Do the things you love. Remember that you are still living.
6. Dont shut people out. Dont cut yourself off from relationships. You will hurt yourself and others.
7. No one will respond perfectly to your grief. Peopleeven people you lovewill let you down. Friends you thought would be there wont be there, and people you hardly know will reach out. Be prepared to give others grace. Be prepared to work through hurt and forgiveness at others reactions.
8. God will be there for you perfectly. He will never, ever let you down. He will let you scream, cry, and question. Throw all your emotions at Him. He is near to the brokenhearted.
9. Take time to truly remember the person you lost. Write about him or her, go back to all your memories with them, truly soak in all the good times you had with that person. It will help.
10. Facing the grief is better than running. Dont hide from the pain. If you do, it will fester and grow and consume you.
11. You will ask Why? more times than you thought possible, but you may never get an answer. What helps is asking, How? How can I live life more fully to honor my loved one? How can I love better, how can I embrace others, how can I change and grow because of this?
12. You will try to escape grief by getting busy, busy, busy. You will think that if you dont think about it, itll just go away. This isnt really true. Take time to process and heal.
13. Liquor, sex, drugs, hobbies, work, relationships, etc., will not take the pain away. If you are using anything to try and numb the pain, it will make things worse in the long run. Seek help if youre dealing with the sorrow in unhealthy ways.
14. Its okay to ask for help. Its okay to need people. Its okay, its okay, its okay.
15. Grief can be beautiful and deep and profound. Dont be afraid of it. Walk alongside it. You may be surprised at what grief can teach you.
15 Things I Wish Id Known About Grief
After a year of grief, Ive learned a lot. Ive also made some mistakes along the way. Today, I jotted down 15 things I wish Id known about grief when I started my own process.
by Teryn O'Brien
I pass this onto anyone on the journey.1. You will feel like the world has ended. I promise, it hasnt. Life will go on, slowly. A new normal will come, slowly.
2. No matter how bad a day feels, it is only a day. When you go to sleep crying, you will wake up to a new day.
3. Grief comes in waves. You might be okay one hour, not okay the next. Okay one day, not okay the next day. Okay one month, not okay the next. Learn to go with the flow of what your heart and mind are feeling.
4. Its okay to cry. Do it often. But its okay to laugh, too. Dont feel guilty for feeling positive emotions even when dealing with loss.
5. Take care of yourself, even if you dont feel like it. Eat healthily. Work out. Do the things you love. Remember that you are still living.
6. Dont shut people out. Dont cut yourself off from relationships. You will hurt yourself and others.
7. No one will respond perfectly to your grief. Peopleeven people you lovewill let you down. Friends you thought would be there wont be there, and people you hardly know will reach out. Be prepared to give others grace. Be prepared to work through hurt and forgiveness at others reactions.
8. God will be there for you perfectly. He will never, ever let you down. He will let you scream, cry, and question. Throw all your emotions at Him. He is near to the brokenhearted.
9. Take time to truly remember the person you lost. Write about him or her, go back to all your memories with them, truly soak in all the good times you had with that person. It will help.
10. Facing the grief is better than running. Dont hide from the pain. If you do, it will fester and grow and consume you.
11. You will ask Why? more times than you thought possible, but you may never get an answer. What helps is asking, How? How can I live life more fully to honor my loved one? How can I love better, how can I embrace others, how can I change and grow because of this?
12. You will try to escape grief by getting busy, busy, busy. You will think that if you dont think about it, itll just go away. This isnt really true. Take time to process and heal.
13. Liquor, sex, drugs, hobbies, work, relationships, etc., will not take the pain away. If you are using anything to try and numb the pain, it will make things worse in the long run. Seek help if youre dealing with the sorrow in unhealthy ways.
14. Its okay to ask for help. Its okay to need people. Its okay, its okay, its okay.
15. Grief can be beautiful and deep and profound. Dont be afraid of it. Walk alongside it. You may be surprised at what grief can teach you.
Best Regards George
On another note, grief has made me look at people differently. I realize now that I never REALLY know what an individual has been through, or may be currently going through in their lives. I tend to be less judgemental.
Thank you Mary, for your astute observations.
Dianne
I find #15 especially true, but rarely talked about even here on a grief forum. It's a point worth pondering and perhaps in need of it's own thread.
I've not had that problem myself, but my wife's cousin ( who lost her husband suddenly six years ago ) tells me that she had money in the bank but would forget to pay bills. Once she called the police when her car stopped on the highway - the problem was that she had run out of gas because she forgot to put gas in the car. She would forge to eat meals. It's just how she reacted to her loss originally.
Now, six years later, she is doing ok, she is trying to figure out how to spend the rest of her life. She is 55.
About the list - I believe that the person was able to write the list because she discovered those things for herself as she worked through her grief. I don't think its something that can be "learned" by reading the list.
I do believe #13 is a good warning. I always say to do things that you enjoy, so long as they are not self-destructive.
Best Regards, George
Best to you.
Jeff