Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
One year ago, in March, my bird of 27 years passed away. My husband and I had a little ceremony for him. I remember looking at my husband, and a thought passed through my mind--that it's started--my path to loneliness. I remember feeling that the bird was just the beginning. First it would be the bird, and then my dog, and then my husband. Then I would be alone. I felt that it would happen soon.
During the rest of the year, I would wake up, begging God to take my fear away. To let me keep my husband. Then the dog got sick and we almost lost her. She survived, but I felt death creeping closer.
Three months ago, our building gave us a lease to sign. I remember my husband looking at the lease, trying to decide if we should renew for 12 months or 15 months. I remember saying to myself that I didn't see us there. No matter how hard I tried, I didn't picture us living in the apartment a year from now. I even told him that, but he couldn't understand what I meant.
Two months ago, my husband and I went to visit his daughter. Since I don't drive at night, he drove. I remember walking towards her apartment, and just for a moment, I felt like I was walking alone. I actually pictured myself walking towards her building alone. When I got home, I realized that I didn't have my stepdaughter's telephone number. I always relied on my husband to get me the info and I'm very low tech. I told him to give it to me, and started carrying the number in my purse just in case I needed it in an emergency.
One day before the aneurysm burst, I had a dream about walking around inside a building. I couldn't get out. Later, the next day, my husband was admitted into a hospital that looked similar to the one in my dream.
In the entire year, I only mentioned this to my husband in passing: I accidently said that I would hate to do things on my own. To which my husband exclaimed that he would be there. I knew that wouldn't happen.
I'm not psychic. I believe that the Holy Spirit whispers in our ear the things to come.
How many of us had similar experences before our spouces passed?
During the rest of the year, I would wake up, begging God to take my fear away. To let me keep my husband. Then the dog got sick and we almost lost her. She survived, but I felt death creeping closer.
Three months ago, our building gave us a lease to sign. I remember my husband looking at the lease, trying to decide if we should renew for 12 months or 15 months. I remember saying to myself that I didn't see us there. No matter how hard I tried, I didn't picture us living in the apartment a year from now. I even told him that, but he couldn't understand what I meant.
Two months ago, my husband and I went to visit his daughter. Since I don't drive at night, he drove. I remember walking towards her apartment, and just for a moment, I felt like I was walking alone. I actually pictured myself walking towards her building alone. When I got home, I realized that I didn't have my stepdaughter's telephone number. I always relied on my husband to get me the info and I'm very low tech. I told him to give it to me, and started carrying the number in my purse just in case I needed it in an emergency.
One day before the aneurysm burst, I had a dream about walking around inside a building. I couldn't get out. Later, the next day, my husband was admitted into a hospital that looked similar to the one in my dream.
In the entire year, I only mentioned this to my husband in passing: I accidently said that I would hate to do things on my own. To which my husband exclaimed that he would be there. I knew that wouldn't happen.
I'm not psychic. I believe that the Holy Spirit whispers in our ear the things to come.
How many of us had similar experences before our spouces passed?
So many little things have happened - coincidences, etc. But even before now - it has happened before. The first night I met my husband it was like a flash in my mind that said "you will marry this man" - don't know why I thought that.
Three years ago we saw my husband's sister in Orlando, FL. When we left her he said, "that's the last time my sister and I will ever see each other." (and it was) I assumed he was talking about his sister - she had health problems. Now I wonder if he was thinking of himself.
One other time we were talking about getting a dog but decided we were too busy. Suddenly I had a flash that my husband would die before me and I'd get a dog. But it wasn't like I thought it was going to be very soon. Once again this thought really upset me so I quickly pushed it away.
When I was very young, maybe 23, I woke with the absolute certainty that I would die of cancer at 45 years old. I don't remember a dream, just knowing this for certain. When my husband was 42, he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and one of my very first thoughts was, "Oh No, I had it wrong, it was Dan who would die of cancer at 45." Well, Dan made it 2 months past his 45th birthday. My "premonition" was still right because Dan was the biggest part of me. I truly believe that God was preparing me for that loss. I know it also helped me deal with it and bear the burden of pain.
On the day of the accident there were heavenly handprints everywhere: me going back into the store to get a first aid kit because I believed someone was going to need a band aid on the trip. The most haunting moment of all however, was when we got into the truck and he turned on the radio. The song came on from the zombies "what's your name, who's your daddy" he looked up out the window and said "my dad is with me today". We sat in silence. This song had been anonymously left on our machine a few years prior when his dad died so the song had been important to him throughout the years. There were so many more handprints that I agree with Beasely that God was indeed softening the blow and letting us know He was there and in charge. I am not psychic either but I believe we were sensitive to the spirit moving around us.
Then, after the funeral, her son and his fiance, whom lived with us, met our new neighbors for the first time. they had moved in a few weeks before Kathy passed but we never saw or spoke to them. When the man introduced himself i was still in so much shock and despair i barely noticed him or his daughter. He however is my age with a similar appearance and has very common interests as Kats son. His daughter is Kats sons fiance age and her name, believe it or not, is also kathy.
These four have become such close friends so quickly it amazes me espeiscally since Kats son is the kind that rarely warms up to anyone.. it also makes me angry in a selfish way...as if God put these people here knowing Kathy and I both would not be here for her kids...it makes me angry at God but very thankful at the same time...it genuinely feels like these four were meant to meet. thats amazing. the anger comes from the feeling God is erasing my life with Kathy completely.
its a little confusing to be honest.
In March 2007, my husband's twin brother died unexpectedly. It made us question what was important in our lives. Just a few months after that we decided to sell our house and move closer to where we work. We had lived in that house for 16 years and NEVER even discussed the possibility of moving. If we hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to work from home last year when Stephen was sick and I would be living in a 140 year old house that constantly needed repair.
In October 2007 my husband's father developed a post op infection after surgery and spent 3 months in intensive care before dying in Decembe 2007. Before watching what his father went through, Stephen always said he wanted any means necessary taken to extend his life. After that experience, he never said that again and made it clear he wouldn't want to live if he had no quality of life. I had to make the decision to pull life support from him and I felt so much better about the decision because I KNEW that's what he wanted.
Finally, about a week after his death, I went into his study to start hunting for insurance policies, etc. and found EVERYTHING I needed in a folder on top of this desk. He must have had a premonition that the end was near and pulled all the information together to help me.