I too was frightened. I had no intention of ever being happy again. I waited hoping to join him asap. But, somehow, here I am five years later, a CL with the people who had faith in me and so proud to be here for you. I still remember his eyes, his voice, his strong arms around me, and so many beautiful memories. They bring me joy now, not pain and loss.

Our life (and yours) can not and will not be extinguished. Life to me is like a quilt. So many pieces intwined to make it what it is. Each piece dependent on another. With each day you put in a new piece, some dark with tears and some vibrate with color but together they are who you have become and who you are meant to be.

You are special and can do so much. Let go and let God, or your creator as your faith believes, mold your quilt with peace and comfort. Sharon

I think everyone who is grieving can relate....I certainly can....I was terrified of the passage of time at first. As one who has reached the other side of the grief journey, I can say with assurance that you can do it, it's not as scary as we imagine it being. I think that the further along in grief, the closer we feel to them, at least that's been my experience.

I know I felt the way you are feeling----I had only spent 12 days in a row away from Stan when he had out of town job training in our 38 years of marriage. Now it's been 21 months. It certainly hasn't been easy----but the pain of my loss has lessened overall and the memories are sweet and comforting----even some long forgotten memories have come to the surface and make me smile. The irritations I used to hold on to have transformed into endearments-----I think he is shaking his head with a smile and saying---can you believe it? She finally let go of that!!!
I do understand the scared feeling, Julie----this is a scary untraveled life for us---we learn as we go, but those of us walking ahead----I hope can offer a little bit of comfort and promise for more peaceful days ahead.

Tender hugs,
Sallie

The way I see it--the farther away, the closer I am to him. It's an understanding I have as a Christian. Sometimes I get excited. When my husband was alive, we used to talk about the eternity we would eventually have together. We talked about it like we were planning a vacation to Paris. We imagined what we would do, what we would eat. We talked about the reunion with family and friends. It warmed our hearts to realize we would never be parted. Back then, I knew he was going ahead of me. Call it a knowing I received from the Holy Spirit. My husband and I didn't have much time together. He transitioned from an aneurysym that neither of us realized he had. Still, I have so much to look forward to.

B