I certainly knew Don was dying, but I chose not to say goodbye. I felt and still feel that his spirit is with me and we will join again in the time ahead. I told him it was okay to go to the heavenly resting place with his parents and others who went before him. I told him I would join him when God called me. I was so sad for me, but knew I must be joyful for him to reach the true meaning of life with understanding we have not yet learned.

Mel. You can talk to him any place and any time. You can just speak with your heart and he will understand. Sharon

I never said goodbye. I don't think I ever could have. I have pictures of my wife everywhere, including in my car. I talked her all the time. Fortunately, I saved some videos of her talking to me on my phone. I also watch them pretty regularly. I don't think I will ever be ready to say goodbye. Every single night I go to bed, I pray that she will come to me in my dreams and talk to me. Sometimes she does. I sure wish it was every night.

I didn't say goodbye. I told Richard that I loved him and that we would be fine. He said I love you and took two breaths and he was gone. I feel he is with me in spirit and that gives me comfort. I know in my heart I will see him again one day. At that 8 month mark is when I had a difficult time. Remember to take one day at a time and God will guide you!!!

l held frank when he was dying,when he took his final breath,l whispered in his ear to go,he was free,he was liberated from all his pain and suffering,and told him there would be spirits waiting for him to guide him home,but to wait for me when my time comes.
You can talk to your husband anytime,just sit quietly and tell him all that is in your heart,he will hear you.

peace and light to all

Alice

Mel, you sound tired and overwhelmed. It also sounds like you are struggling with "acceptance." I don't think it is saying goodbye in the strictest sense that troubles you. As so many have stated here, it is more likely a "see you later" thing spiritually which I think you believe in, right? So I am guessing it is just the exhaustion of grieving and wanting to be released from the pain and the sorrow. Or perhaps the natural regrets and (uncalled-for) guilt so many of us go through as part of the loss.

So here's the thing, you can say 'goodbye' anytime you want to. But you don't need to. You can say 'I miss you, I love you, I wish you were still here, but I am glad you are not in pain anymore.' You can say, "I need to hold onto the good we had and let go of all this pain. That's not what our marriage was about - it was about wonderful crazy love and happiness."

Mel, I may be completely wrong, and forgive me if I am and if I have offended you in any way. I do believe that you are at a serious juncture in your grief, which is very common at this stage chronologically. It's the point at which we decide the pain is not what we need to hold onto, that the pain and the sorrow will not be the legacy of our marriages, of our love. I went through it at 7-8 months. It was an important turning point for me.

Something that helped me was reading "Seven Choices-Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World." It helped me let go of the pain and start to rebuild without guilt and without regrets. If you haven't read it, you might want to try it.

I hope you get some good rest, and I hope you find some peace today. This is such a hard and exhausting journey at times. Try to be easy on yourself. You have so much on your plate.

FYI, I never said 'goodbye.' Cliff died of a heart attack, and took his last breath in my arms with me screaming "Don't leave me!" as I watched the light of life leave his eyes. Whether he stayed or whether he left, whether he visits, that is not in my power. But remembering and loving him, carrying his wishes and his legacy, that is in my power, and I do so as best I can. Somehow, I don't think a full-on goodbye is even possible for me.

Wishing you peace and strength....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I never thought about this, saying goodbye. When my wife was dying I was just so focused on helping her through each day, each minute, each second. I think saying goodbye was the last thing on our minds, we were too busy thinking I don't want this to be goodbye.

I think we have a million things to regret, but those regrets are easy to look upon now. We were living in the moment, we went with what we could to make it through each moment. Those moments are the times we spent together with our loved ones, the moments we knew were too hard to say goodbye to each other.

Easier said than done, but I try to focus on the good times my wife and I spent together. Like my wife told me when I mentioned regrets I had - she said if we knew what tomorrow would bring we would all live differently, but we don't. No need for regrets - the love we share is all that counts.

I said everything but goodbye, he wouldn't really talk the last two weeks other than a yes or no answer to a question. I told him everything I felt I needed to say, I love you, thank you for everything you have done for me through the years, but I never said the exact word goodbye, I thought it would scare him too much. I did the best I could with the information I had at that time. I keep telling myself there is no point in going over this again and again as it will not change anything now. I am trying to make peace with this.

Mel, you don't ever have to say goodbye.

I never did ... and never will ... say goodbye to Sam. His picture is on the dresser near my bed, and I say goodnight to him every night, but I'll never say goodbye.

My daughters had come over to clean our house. He was in the bed upstairs. I gave him his medicine, From the first floor they said "Hi Dad", I came back upstairs to lay in the bed with him and he was gone. I kept calling him and working on his chest, but I knew he was gone. I kiss him as he laid there. I have slept in our bed every night and I feel close to him. People ask me how can I do that and I said "because I love him so much." His spirit is still with me and I have peace. He had lung cancer, was diagnosed in January, passed away July 27th. No more pain, no more chemo or radiation, plus the 15 types of medication. He has a brand new body and he has finished the course and met his goal.

[[[HUGS]]]

Whenever my heart felt like it was bursting it would always lead me to thinking there was something that was left unsaid ...
There were so many times I felt I should have, could have, would have - if only I had the time - if only I knew he was about to die - if only this, that or the other ...
Everything I wanted to say to Bob-O I said in my prayers or as I went about my day ...
I came to understand the reason people talk out loud to themselves ... *wink*
Say what you need to say ... "thumbs up"
Glad you've gotten through it ...

Don't worry about not saying goodbye. I didn't tell my husband goodbye either because he died in his sleep. But, if I had had the opportunity, I still wouldn't have done it because I feel that I will see him again so goodbye wasn't appropriate. I also feel that our spouses are looking down on us and know how thoughts and feelings so we don't need to worry about what we did or didn't do. It took me a few months to get here but, I'm making progress and you can too.

I never said goodbye either. My husband was in the hospital recuperating from an operation for a leaking aortal aneurism. He was being prepped for a second surgery because he had taken a sudden turn for the worse. We said we loved each other and I kissed him. He siad, "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." But a few minutes later he said he was uncomortable and couldn't breath and the nurses came in to tend to him.

Then the team of doctors -- surgeon and two others -- called me outside and recommended against the surgery. They said a secondary infection had taken hold of him and that an operation would onlly prolong his suffering. They said that palliative care was all that could be done. My husband had been so brave and hopeful in the face of the second surgery (even though he was still so weak and fragile from the first). I didn't think I would be able to tell him that all he was receiving was palliative care. But I thought I would have weeks or at least days to make that decision.

In fact, however, I had only hours. He stopped breathing and was put on a respirator. Then, he couldn't talk to me anymore. He tried to wave away the respirator. I asked the doctors to remove the respirator because he hated it, but learned that once someone is on a respirator, they won't remove it. Instead they gave him more morphine and he became less aware.

I kept telling him I loved him and that "it was O.K." Nor sure what I meant by "O.K.". I just didn't want him to be afraid. I didn't want him to suffer. I just kept holding his hand and repeating that I loved him. I don't think he knew he knew he was dying. I think he thought he was being prepped for the operation or recovering from it. I held his hand, rubbed his brow, and repeated that I loved him until the end. And I think he could hear me for most of the time. But I never said goodbye. I couldn't. I still can't.

I don't know if that was right. I don't know if I should have let him know that it was the end and that I had loved and cherished my life with him, that he was the light of my life, that he had always made me feel protected and safe, and that I wished, with all my heart, that I could just go with him. I tell him that and more, in my mind, now. But that night, I just wanted to protect him -- from pain, from fear, from suffering,.

DorothyJoan

I determined that I would not tall my husband that he was receceiving only palliative care .